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Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: subguy] #2360898
06/23/13 06:33 PM
06/23/13 06:33 PM
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JuneReN Offline
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Have fun:)
And it is not your job to fix her. Often fixing looks like expecting behaviour and actions that we ourselves would embrace. Once we realize this, it gets a lot easier.

Not advocating acceptance of all behaviours, but just the realization that sometimes people do not act in accordance with how we would act. When it is a spouse, or former spouse, someone we thought we knew, it is especially hard to not have an expectation.

Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: JuneReN] #2360931
06/23/13 10:20 PM
06/23/13 10:20 PM
Joined: Jun 2012
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USA
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tori2012 Offline
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Subguy, have a great time! And when you are ready, look at the role you played in your situation. It's all about growth and learning now (and love, of course.)
((((((()))))))

Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: subguy] #2362061
06/27/13 11:01 AM
06/27/13 11:01 AM
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Soul.Searching Offline
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You sound a lot better these days Subguy. wink


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: Soul.Searching] #2363217
07/01/13 11:57 PM
07/01/13 11:57 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching
You sound a lot better these days Subguy. wink


I am doing better, thanks. I am happy that your doing well.

This week brought some healing between me and my D. What a wonderful absolutely jam packed week we had. Tons of worship, a lot of missions work and a lot of fun as well. My D got to hear some scripture from other people and our youth rallied around her and I and prayed and loved on us. I am truly a blessed man. I came back a lot different and have moved many steps closer to forgiveness and healing for me. This was at times an emotional week. We had several other youth that are going through a lot pf pain and I was able to minister to them, they came to me after and hugged me and told me how much they loved me. Truly a powerful week.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: subguy] #2363221
07/02/13 12:08 AM
07/02/13 12:08 AM
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StubbornDyke Offline
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That's great to hear, Subguy. smile


Me - 54
P - 59
Together 5 yrs
She left 4/2012
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: StubbornDyke] #2363249
07/02/13 02:51 AM
07/02/13 02:51 AM
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JuneReN Offline
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You sound...balanced and good smile

Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: JuneReN] #2363400
07/02/13 04:58 PM
07/02/13 04:58 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: kate's_place
You sound...balanced and good smile


I am better not completely there yet if I'll ever be completely there. I will hopefully continue to look for ways to improve me and not look at the world to be at fault.

Originally Posted By: StubbornDyke
That's great to hear, Subguy.


Thanks, I hope you are doing well.

I am about to close on the refinance of my house and I have to admit I'm a little bitter about having to give my X so much for the equity... Well, if she worked 40 hours or even 5 days a week I'd feel like she was trying to have a decent living standard instead of keeping her wages low so she can get more money on child support. It's not like we have young children and there is no physical limitations on her working a full time job. So with the perceived on my part, grab for money it gets me a little worked up, but I cannot control what she does or claims as income (her business has a lot of cash transactions that she does not claim). This is an action she will have to live with.

I need to just do the next right thing and after that do the next right thing and not worry about her and what I cannot prove or control.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: subguy] #2363401
07/02/13 05:03 PM
07/02/13 05:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Great to hear from you, subguy.

You do sound good.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: labug] #2363725
07/03/13 02:38 PM
07/03/13 02:38 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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When I close on the refinance my wife will need to be there because we are not officially divorced and she will have to sign some papers as well. I do not want to see her smiling and acting happy because she is getting a large check. is it wrong of me to request that she be in a separate room or should I just suck it up, smile, sign the paperwork and leave??

I really don't want to be a jerk but I am in protection mode. My heart still hurts and I need separation...


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III [Re: subguy] #2363744
07/03/13 03:07 PM
07/03/13 03:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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When I refinanced (we're not D) we signed the papers at home. I didn't have to go into the bank at all. I was refinancing with the same bank so maybe that made a difference.

They must have this situation come up, ask them what's possible.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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