However, there are other ways to create boundaries--possibly ask her to move to another bedroom/part of the house. You do NOT want your children to perceive YOU as the WAS. Children often had more negative feelings about the parent who leaves, despite the involvement of that parent.
!
Hi GTO , yes I fear this.^^^^ and what my kids think is very important to me. I suppose I can go at it again, we tried this for 30 days early in my sitch where we took turns in the marital bed, but then she budged and then we started sleeping together again. We are pretty much separated at home now, where I don't bug her. I just wish she'd leave me alone, do what she has to do just not on my watch.
She's good now again. Every time I call her out on her EA she stops, she realize she's doing the immoral things...I guess she needs to be reminded? Idk, I don't wanna keep doing this I'm not the EA police, but sh!t It boils me when she puts her EA before my kids.
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
Good luck--I'm not sure I've been helpful at all!
GTO , you've been helpful, I really appreciate your input.
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Yes Newman, I'm saying you stay in the house and she moves out. Only you know your boundaries and all the advice in the world doesn't solve the fact it's you who have to live them.
I have to rush off due to work but wish you all the best. Stronger
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
So sitch sux, it is what it is and what DB had taught me--find a solution.
Next course of action:
-keep the changes I've done for myself (its an everyday work but hey the goal is to be a new man right)
- Stay put - no matter how tough it gets don't abandon the kids and not leave the marital home.
- Stay firm and keep the boundary - that means NC with OM while we live together, she can contact him but not on my watch, she has to move out. I will call her out every time she has an contact with him. She can keep it underground for all I care but at least the evidence won't be staring at me and the kids' face.
- in home, continue LRT, let her initiate all contact, do not kiss her a$$, earn her respect.
- Nesting custody - temporary solution when we separate.
- Sell the house (when she files for D) - mom and dad to will have separate homes "clean break" what Adinva was referring to.
- and of course the goal is still to bust D, in event of R, will seek a solution focus MC.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Is she sleeping in a different room in the house? This could be a midway solution, if she won't leave. I'm with everyone else that you should definitely not leave.
Nothing additional to offer Newman. Glad that you took the time to develop your plan versus reacting quickly..... I think that's great....
Keeping posting - your story is helping others.....
Stay strong for you and the kids
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Sounds like you have an excellent plan of action, a strong framework will help you tremendously, you can tweak and adjust as the situation progresses.
Stronger
Hey Stronger, agreed I would have to re-evaluate and tweak as I go. We'll see I'm trying hard to diffuse my anger right now with W. I know it's not healthy but I'm pretty disgusted as to what she's doing...I know I know detach right? Yes working on it. Take care man and come back anytime.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Is she sleeping in a different room in the house? This could be a midway solution, if she won't leave. I'm with everyone else that you should definitely not leave.
Hello Sailing, nope we are in the same bed. I'm still considering going to S14s room but why should I? I'm not the one in an A...so in the meantime I'm in my marital bed. I'm not caught up in your sitch I hope your doing well you know considering all our sitchs here. Stop by anytime and thanks.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Nothing additional to offer Newman. Glad that you took the time to develop your plan versus reacting quickly..... I think that's great....
Keeping posting - your story is helping others.....
Stay strong for you and the kids
Hi SemperFi, hey no worries your support goes a long way thank you. One of these days I will catch up on your sitch. I hope you're doing well too. Stop by anytime.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
I suppose 2 mos no S and sharing on the same bed we were bound to find each other. I was half a sleep and dazed and found ourselves just about to do the deed! We were making out and i felt she didnt mind. She wasn't pushing me back and I wasn't holding back either.
But I thought to myself this happened before and I got blamed for it at the end for manipulating her and pressuring her to S. So I ask her if she is ready for this and if this is what she really want? Of course my dumb manhood was telling me are you f'ing nuts Newman, do it and the other is the DB voices dang Newman you're too easy Wth! And she said I'm not sure. That's when Newman pulled back!
I was really surprised at myself for such control that I didn't have before. I just said maybe its not the right time and we went back to sleep.
Morning I played it cool even though inside me keep sayin darn so close so close . But I knew it was not the right time. I continue with LRT, she initiated contact and said well since its Father's Day what would Newman want for breakfast? Trying not to be rude and I was hungry, I would like an omelette thank you. She responded with Sure happy Father's Day.
The entire morning she was flirting with me but I wasn't really buying it and at the same time not being rude. Anyway, we went on our separate schedule for the day and I kept my plan, I hung out with s14 and w went to her parents house to celebrate father day.
I went go-karting with s14 we had a blast! D18 is out of town with her friends so she took me out yesterday for dinner for fathers day and my W went along also.
Well that was how it was in the limbo train this weekend. The limbo train is absolutely has its rollercoaster effect.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
. But I knew it was not the right time. I continue with LRT, she initiated contact and said well since its Father's Day what would Newman want for breakfast? Trying not to be rude and I was hungry, I would like an omelette thank you. She responded with Sure happy Father's Day.