OK so she did not reply and it hurt but im ok. But still very depressed and going to see Dr this Sat tomorrow. let see if he can help and not make me feel like a zombie. I will not have that at all. I just feel like i'm a grown man and I should be able to deal with this. And becouse I cant i feel like im not the man i should be.
But this morning I had this feeling that i just wanted to say hi to W so i did send the text. and thats all it was " Hi " nothing more. She did reply and said Hello and that was it. i left it alone as i did not know what more to say.
I am sure she is thinking why did he just say hi. I have so much to say to her but it would push her over the edge and I would never have any chance if i even still have one now.
God why did you let this happen. Please fix me my W and our Marriage. All i realy want is for the W to get rid of this GF she has. I effin hate her so much as i know she took advantage of the situation cause thats just how she was.. she has done it before i know this cause she has said so when W and me and this Effin GF were out one day.
I just think the only thing that can happen is for something bad to happen in the current W and GF relationship before she will even think of moving on.some how I just need to have my W understand that even though she crossed over to the other side she can still come back. I think that sometimes she may feel that she crossed a bridge she does not know how to get back. I just want her to know it is ok and i will be here...
this all make sense to everyone. is it wrong thinking on my part.
LF, you cannot come from a place of so much anger and hatred and expect to make progress. Stop waiting for your wife to make a change and come back to you. Stop blaming her GF, she wasn't forced into that relationship.
You will not R your M, or make any personal progress, until you work on yourself and grow as a person. You are full of blame and anger.
What role did you play in the demise of your M? What do YOU need to work on to be the best person you can be, whether in your M, for yourself or for a future R?
When you figure out what role you played, you will be able to grow and be prepared for a better R.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
"OK so she did not reply and it hurt but im ok. But still very depressed and going to see Dr this Sat tomorrow. let see if he can help and not make me feel like a zombie. I will not have that at all. I just feel like i'm a grown man and I should be able to deal with this. And becouse I cant i feel like im not the man i should be.
But this morning I had this feeling that i just wanted to say hi to W so i did send the text. and thats all it was " Hi " nothing more. She did reply and said Hello and that was it. i left it alone as i did not know what more to say.
I am sure she is thinking why did he just say hi. I have so much to say to her but it would push her over the edge and I would never have any chance if i even still have one now.
God why did you let this happen. Please fix me my W and our Marriage. All i realy want is for the W to get rid of this GF she has. I effin hate her so much as i know she took advantage of the situation cause thats just how she was.. she has done it before i know this cause she has said so when W and me and this Effin GF were out one day.
"I cant wait to see the Dr to see if he can help me to be happy and not depressed all the time.."
To be honest, this is why you aren't happy. You rely so much on external things to give you hope or happiness. Whether it's the Dr. or drugs or God. Only YOU can make you happy. God gave you every you need to BE happy. Your W isn't in that equation. YOU have to be happy on your own.
"some how I just need to have my W understand that even though she crossed over to the other side she can still come back."
No you don't. If you are going to leave it up to God's hands, then you need to let it go and stop thinking about your W. It's hard as hell, but you have to at least start. If not, then you will become resentful and angry.
" I think that sometimes she may feel that she crossed a bridge she does not know how to get back. I just want her to know it is ok and i will be here..."
No she has to know you won't be there. You exist for you and you alone.
"this all make sense to everyone. is it wrong thinking on my part."
Yes it is. Look, God will never challenge you with anything that you can't handle. Right now you can overcome all of this. But you have to GAL and do the things that make YOU happy. You've been praying and wallowing so long that you've neglected yourself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think you are correct in the fact that I am looking for outside things to make me feel better. I understand that.
I did see my Dr and was told i was clinicly depressed btu was not going to classify me as that. I need help and he did take the meds I was already taking and and increased it. He did say it would take 2 weeks to see a diff. but i have taken this new does for 3 days and I feel better and not like a zombie. But i want to wait the 3 weeks to see if this is for real or is it just one of my swings.
Yes I still think of W and miss her and want her back but I am not feeling doomed and over whelmed by all this now.
I also had my DB session today and she told me that i even sounded much much better then 2 weeks ago. So as far as W goes All Im to do at this point is to send small texts about good things happening. Not sure i said it correct. Just say thing like i am a friend and nothing more. But I am going to wait a few weeks to do this for my new meds to kick in.
This drought up a good point and it was that i told her i was not doing to much to talk about the good things in my life. so my DB session was good in the fact i was told and i know i was told before but it hit me this time. I need to start doing things to be able to have things to talk about. also try to make more new friends.
I just find my mood diffrent and I just Pray it keeps going in this direction.
Hi LF... My doc just upped my dose from 1 pill to 1.5 pills of cipralex today. May I ask what you are on?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Do what you need to do to get yourself right for now. But try not to depend solely on the drugs. You don't want to spend the rest of your life medicated. There will ALWAYS be trials in your life and you don't want to have to keep running to the bottle if that happens.
You can do it. Just have faith in yourself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
LF, My experience with AD is that they can help you take the "edge" off, but certainly wont fix anything. I do think they help and are worth taking to help get over the hump.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
First i will say im on cymbalta. 90mg at this point. i was on 30 just for pain from a neck problem.
the next is I do not want to stay on this at all for the rest of my life. Me being the Dummy i tried to take myself off it cause i was thinking it was making things worse. OH BOY dont ever just stop taking it and also ask the Dr how to come off cause i just tried myself and i was sick and had to staart taking it again. But it has only been 5 days and i feel a little better but not sure if it is meds or just me having a little more faith and letting go and letting God work in W life. Looking back I see that i have tried to do everything i could to make her come back and nothing I do will make that happen. I have to let go and let God restore this M.
Yes i still try to take back control but i learn fast that it does not work now. All I can do is just Pray and Try to work on me. If i look in the mirror and be honest with myself i can ask would my W want to come back to me in this condition. At this point I say no. So i need to work on me and become a better person then I was before. I can tell you it is not easy for me and im sure anyone. But i keep trying.
The only major major major problem i have these days is the morning times. I do not know how to get past this. I have so many bad thoughts in my head and i also start thinking about my W and when will she come back and i pray hard sometimes i yell at God saying things like why is he not doing anything. These thoghts are killing me in the morning. All this starts at around 5:30 am everyday. i get out of bed around 6:30 no matter if i slept at all or not. this is not good for me. So i get up take my meds for the day and go to work. I hate the weekends but will work on that too.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this morning thing. Some days are better but i still have them. It just makes it hard to start the day this way all the time.
well guys all i can say is I have been doing alot beeter. I have started reading some more books that seems to be helping me and changed my outlook on things.
