Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[littleGTO]

Quick synopsis:
Been here since last Sept but 1st BD was June '12- "I have feelings for OW (co-worker) & ILYBNILWY"

H mom passed away Aug 2012--both agree this had a BIG impact on where we are today

Nov 2012- H moved out

Feb 2013- "Feelings for OW haven't changed. Wants his financial freedom. No intentions of moving back home."

April 2013 BD- H wants not to be stuck anymore. Feelings remain same for OW--wants to move forward to pursue R w her (EA only since beginning, but clearly wants more). States only way he sees this can happen is to get a D (first time D was mentioned).

2 days later- I went to see 2 different Ls to find out my rights if H should file. (Gave me some relief.)

May 2013- Split finances.

Okay, so interesting convo w H today about summer.

H- "My S texted me this morning encouraging me to start a new tradition w boys this summer & take them on a trip. I was wondering how you would feel about this?"

Me- no response/long pause

H- "I was thinking maybe 3-4 days to a place we have visited several times. I know a week would be too long for you to be w/o boys."

Me- "It would only be fair if you wanted to do this as I am taking them for at least one week long vaca alone. It would be good if you let me know sooner than later when you'd like to do this so I can make plans for myself while they're gone."

H- (half-jokingly) "What would you do-go on a cruise or something? (...reminiscing)...Remember when we were "on a break" when we were dating & you went on a cruise by yourself? I think that was the end of the break up when you got back." said H while smiling and almost laughing.

Me- (half-joking) "Maybe I would. I guess I'd have to think about how I would want to spend my time."

H- "Oh, I thought maybe you'd go to visit your brother & SIL."

Me- "I guess I'd have to think about all the possibilities."

H- silence

NOT reading anything into this...just interesting.

Oh, and his grandmother fell and broke a couple of ribs which he told me. He said he wanted to send her a card & I said I would like to too. He said "Well, we'll just send one together." I said, "OKay."

His M's side of the family (except one aunt) knows nothing of our sitch. Seems like H wants to keep it that way for now.

Again, means NOTHING, but interesting.

[littleGTO]

Oh, and a couple more things...

H said (about vaca w boys), "It will give me some time to get away from everything. I need that." OW TOO??? Okay, not going to mind-read, nope.

And, I told H the boys & I are having a Mem Day party & he is welcome to come. He asked who was invited & since it was "mixed crowd" --some people who know & some who don't his response was "It'll be weird if I come and weird if I don't. I don't know what I should do."

I said, "Well, come if you want. We'd love to have you."

The truth is it WILL be weird either way. There are some friends that don't know that will ask (probably) if he isn't there. And, there are some who will be confused if he is there.

[bustingout]

As StubbornDyke says GTO, sometimes its best to sit back watch and say to yourself...'isnt that interesting....'

Keep doing what you are doing....

You can do this :-)

[littleGTO]

Happy Mother's Day to all--even though it's almost officially over.

H was nice over the phone today. Wished me Happy MD and told me that I have been an awesome mom and have really "picked me his slack" since he's left. He left a card yesterday that he had the boys each write a special message in for me. It made me tear-up.

GAL- Went shopping & out to dinner/drinks w a GF for MD. Felt a little guilty missing S9s soccer game(as he told me all the players ran out to give their moms a kiss at the game's first whistle...he and 2 other boys' moms were MIA).

Wondering why H is being a little nicer lately, a little more talkative, seeing his C again (after saying he didn't need him any more), saying "he needs to get away from it all" when he lives by himself & has all the space in the world.

[bustingout]

Hi GTO-sounds like you had a pretty good day :-) I am happy to read that.

Try not to wonder...just let it be. Sit back watch. As SD has told us time and time again, her mantra,...."isn't that interesting..."

Don't let it change your course right now.

[Tallula]

Happy belated Mother's Day!!

I'm with Busting. Sit back, and watch. They change with the winds, they do...

We stay firm. Cry in a pillow, and carry on.

[JuneReN]

Sit tight Turtle....

I would have played it exactly the same

I love your list btw on my post...you should re post here.

And ya...they blow hot and cold....

[labug]

saying "he needs to get away from it all" when he lives by himself & has all the space in the world.

it's hard to get away from yourself.

[JuneReN]

saying "he needs to get away from it all" when he lives by himself & has all the space in the world.

it's hard to get away from yourself.

That is exactly it Bug. We all see, the WAS rarely does for a while if ever. As LBS we learn to live and even love ourselves, enabling us to give that kind of love to others in return.

[littleGTO]

Knowingly been on this journey for almost 11 months, but really sitch has been closer to 18 months.

I posted this on ruby's thread, but with her encouragement I posting it here too.

Here's what I've learned on my journey:
- Take the high road- always.
- What you give is what you'll receive.
- Negative emotions CAN be good & channeled in a positive way.
- Forgiveness is not only valuable, but necessary --for yourself and for S.
- Nothing good ever comes from spewing negativity onto others.
- Love yourself.
- Love the people you love unconditionally.
- WE are not the judges of others- only HE (God) is.
- We learn more from our mistakes than anything else.
- We grow from our mistakes & hardships.
- To be loved we must first love ourselves.
- Life is much easier and fulfilling to have others you care about traveling this journey with you.
- A blanket & a friend ARE invaluable.
- Through the emotions is the only way forward.
- We do NOT control others, but we CAN & should control ourselves & our actions. Others will react to us based on how we project ourselves.
- Nobody is promised tomorrow, so make TODAY count.
- Count your blessings every day. There are so many (esp if one has children).
- We are not on this journey alone. HE walks with us every step of the way.

Feel free to add onto this list with your own.

This place is AMAZING. I am so thankful for all of you. Although I'm not done w DBing--it is saving ME, I do feel I have come a very long way...toward ME, toward being OKAY, toward a HAPPIER FUTURE. Still have a long way to go.....