Of course she benefited Wonder! Everything was going her way. I was Mr. Wonderful and forgetting to look after me. Trying to hard to take care of her needs. She said to me in one of our post relationship conversations, "I don't want you to think I was taking advantage of you" and I said "of course you were taking advantage of me, why wouldn't you take advantage of me, I'd take advantage of me!" Now she's "healing" on POF, drowning her sorrows or finding a new care giver. Who really knows. Thanks for dropping by
You should be proud of yourself for figuring it out and ending it even though it is difficult. Most likely she's looking for another caregiver and she would probably prefer a bankroller.
thanks Gabby and Wonder, I in no way think she was a golddigger, if so she never would have dated me! I'm in social services, how much money is in that?! I believe she was just a lady who was biting off way more than she could chew. She wasn't just going through a major employment change (in a country where she'd never looked for work before) she was also, at the same time, starting a new relationship. She really hadn't had a relationship in over 12 years. She left the Philippines when her daughter was four and came home once per year for two weeks. How does anybody maintain a marriage in that kind of condition. She's been divorced for two years and aside from dating a few POF prospects (who all wanted sex on the first to third dates but got the boot instead), I was her first serious love interest. That's a lot of sh!t to deal with at the same time. So, her anxiety and need to control her environment went nuts. She had difficulty handling it all and wanted her man to take care of her and she was real needy. Me, I got caught up in wanting to make it all better for her. Maybe it was easier to just concentrate on that rather than saying "hey, what's in this for me?" I dunno. But, if she wants to go the POF route again without first trying to get the rest of her life in order, that's her trip. The gravy train will just crash and spill all over again but, my job is to look after me now. That's a big enough job as is lol.
G, you're right and that was one of the reasons I ended it. It was no longer situational, it was becoming a lifestyle. Reality, excuses, whatever... it was what it was and it wasn't working. Thanks again.
I'm thinking of trying POF again myself but I want to do something different. So I've chosen a new screen name and have written a new profile. I'm gonna score big with this!!!
Screen name: Makeitbigorgohome58
Hi ladies. I’m a man who believes in honesty. I’m not one of those guys who’s gonna tell you that he’s into walks on the beach and hand holding just so that he can get into your pants. I’m bigger than that...much bigger and I’m willing to show it to you! That’s right, I’m a guy looking for cheap sex and I’m refreshingly honest about it. You don’t have to wonder about my motivation because it’s entirely down the front of my pants behind my zipper. My hobbies, aside from playing hide the sausage with women I hardly know, include waxing my chest and practicing pick up lines. So, if you’d like me to message you a photo of my package I’d be delighted to do so in either wallet size or 8x10, but I would highly recommend the real thing. Anyway, if you’re tired of worn out bullcrap lines and want something real to grab on to then look no further. I’m an honest, everyday guy (who works out daily...and is comfortable in his own skin) who’s looking for that special hand to hold his you-know-what. Could that hand be yours? Message me!
Well, so ends another weekend. I still find the transition to being alone difficult. It's strange because for the last three months of our relationship she worked 48 hours on the weekends anyway so I was alone then too! I guess when someone is in your life there is a warm, secure feeling inside. No matter what that person is there. We can call, text and know that time together is coming. That's all gone. It's just me...and my frog. I know it gets better and I need to be patient with myself. I catch myself trying to figure out how much was my sh!t and thinking I have to fix it or next R will s@ck too! I'm told to put in God's hands for now...easy to say, hard to do. Thanx everyone for your continued support.
Wii: I think you need to really pay attention to the little signs. In this past R of yours and I believe in the previous - you were the one who went for it. You were the one who was trying the hardest right from the beginning. I had a feeling (from afar) that she was not as much "into" you as you were "into" her. Even the photo that you posted online of you and her at the Science Center. Look at the visual clues. She looked bored (in my opinion). She did not seem "into" it. I think she began to see what you had to offer her and then decided it was good for her.
Think about how long it took her to be intimate with you. If she was that "into" you - she would have wanted it as much as you did. None of her crap excuses.
And maybe this time you need to stop limiting you to one culture. It didn't work out with 3 of them. Myself - I could NOT relate to anyone who abandoned their child. In her culture that is not considered abandonment but in ours it sure is. Could you have done that to your girls? I should say not. how can you even relate to that?
You are a fine person. A real catch for the girl who can appreciate that. But maybe you need to find another fine person. There are many fine women out there. Find one who is "into" you first this time. See how that works.
Just an observation and suggestion. Still feeling for you in your pain.
Yes Barb, believe me, I've been over all the "signs"...too often lately lol. I don't think it was that she wasnt' that into me, it was that she was controlling. She controlled so much in the relationship and I either didn't see it or dismissed it. In the end that recognition onmy part just wouldn't go away. She stroked me and said sweet things to me, and I believe she meant them, but they also made me really susceptible to sticking with a situation that most men would not have. I am loyal and caring but there's a limit to what's good for anyone in such a situation. In the end I told her that I can't imagine any man putting up with this situation for two months let alone fourteen! So now, instead of trying to fix her stuff, she's running off to POF to get another man to make her feel better. It pretty much reinforces why I ditched her. It's pathetic. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts, they are certainly helpful. Good luck in bailing out your cottage home!
In regards to what Barb wrote, I absolutely understand the disbelief that any woman could leave her child but we live in a different world. SDA Lady chose to leave and work abroad because that was the ONLY way her daughter would ever go to university. She also planned to bring her here because in Canada she could have a future. When SDA Lady was in school she was told "Even if you go to university you'll probably end up working overseas as a Nanny, so just imagine what is going to happen to you if you don't go to university". When she first left, she cried herself to sleep every night for a month...and sometimes still does. That is sacrifice I can't ever imagine making. My point being that she and others like her leave out of love, not to get enough money to buy a nice car or 52 in flatscreen TV or a European vacation. Now, can I relate to such situations, thank God NO! But, I do respect difficult choices that are made out of love for another. Now should I date women with this kind of history...well, that's another question. Anyway, that's my take.
