First Post--2d troubled marriage

[2X Divorcee?]

Got the papers in the mail today. Lawyer letterhead just puts me in a bad mood.

Meeting with DB coach in the morning


GAL...grilling fish tomorrow night. Diving Saturday.

Got the book and I'm reading it. But, again, not exactly what I thought it would be. I'll read it but the examples they give are so extreme I'm not sure I fit the profile.

The worst news is reading XW posts on FB...She's watching a friends daughter...that is her "BFF's daughter"...just seems like she is introducing him as part of her life. Good thing he is deployed. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. But the guy was told by his commander to stay away from my wife previously (before I had any suspicions)...now this FB stuff is painful. But XW is 2 weeks single so whatever...

2x

[2X Divorcee?]

Thought I'd share this...


http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy/

[Cadet]

Meeting with DB coach in the morning

How did your meeting go?

[2X Divorcee?]

Went fine. Basically concluded I did all I could. No plans to contact XW for now. Just moving forward.


My daughter will be here a month from today. Really looking forward to her visit for the summer.

GAL = golf tournament today and hopefully a dive tomorrow.

[2X Divorcee?]

Reading "Sermons" from Hearts Blessings...really finding words of wisdom in the mention about

"Then, and only then will True Love be born-you will need because you love, not love because you need"

Wish I could have realized this before...I can see where I've gone wrong. I need a woman who is not so needy.

[2X Divorcee?]

Journal

120 days since BD....almost a month since D was final. Still not feeling right. Sleeping better but not perfect.

Still GALing my butt off. Won a free airline ticket at a golf tournament last Saturday (by raffle NOT my golf skills). Dove Sunday. Work is Work. Long weekend coming up. A fair bit of stuff planned. I've fallen off my work out routine...need to get back on the stick.

My father has been in the hospital and nursing home until yesterday...he's home. Home Health Care there a bunch but he's home and that's great news.

All things considered, I have hit the button to retire. I have to wait for an approved date but there is no turning back now. I'll be home in a year (at most) and potentially a lot sooner than that.

All for now

[2X Divorcee?]

Today, while driving home I had a wave of anger rush over me like I haven't had yet in this ordeal. I'm tired of feeling this way and it's clearly my XW's fault. I wanted to call her, wake her up, and let her have it over the phone. Im sure part of it is that I had hoped and planned for her to come visit me about now...but of course, all of that is off. The other part is just the agony of trying to figure out what happened and guessing what will happen. GAL does great to get my mind off it all. But driving the car is, apparently, a good time for my mind to wander back to it all. UGGGGH. I'm also stuck in the spot where the wounds are fresh and I can't consider a new relationship. Way too early for that but I do wonder where I'm going to end up now. As far as that goes, my life has no plan right now. I want to know. I want to move in the direction of a loving committed relationship. I do not want to be a loner the rest of my life.

So, I guess I'm hurt, tired, confused and impatient and that somehow mixes all togeher to create anger. I wish I could tell XW this situation she has caused for me but that is not going to happen. Venting here instead....

[Cadet]

Today, while driving home I had a wave of anger rush over me like I haven't had yet in this ordeal. I'm tired of feeling this way and it's clearly my XW's fault. I wanted to call her, wake her up, and let her have it over the phone. Im sure part of it is that I had hoped and planned for her to come visit me about now...but of course, all of that is off. The other part is just the agony of trying to figure out what happened and guessing what will happen. GAL does great to get my mind off it all. But driving the car is, apparently, a good time for my mind to wander back to it all. UGGGGH. I'm also stuck in the spot where the wounds are fresh and I can't consider a new relationship. Way too early for that but I do wonder where I'm going to end up now. As far as that goes, my life has no plan right now. I want to know. I want to move in the direction of a loving committed relationship. I do not want to be a loner the rest of my life.

So, I guess I'm hurt, tired, confused and impatient and that somehow mixes all togeher to create anger. I wish I could tell XW this situation she has caused for me but that is not going to happen. Venting here instead....

All perfectly normal,
Vent away, that what this place is for.

[2X Divorcee?]

My father passed away yesterday. Sad time but I knew it was coming as he has been in and out of the hospital for months. So, this event triggered the first contact with my XW. She called me to express her condolenses. It was good to hear her voice. We talked about my dad and how it happened. We also talked about all that's been going on with her and the girls. It was a nice chat. We hadn't talked since the D and thats been about 41 days. I still miss her but I did not tell her that. I just said I appreciated her call.
I will probably be heading home although Mom says not to. Doubt I'll see XW since she is heading out on a trip (not sure). Regardless, I'll refrain from calling or visiting. That is easier to do at this point but still takes effort.

2x

[2X Divorcee?]

...and then the next day the XW unfriends me on FB....rollercoaster.