Has anybody else experienced suicidal thought while going through all of this? The emotional pain and turmoil gets to be so overwhelming sometimes, even as I try to emotionally detach and let go. I try to focus on my kids and myself, but the sense of regret and rejection just keeps returning for me.
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
Has anybody else experienced suicidal thought while going through all of this? The emotional pain and turmoil gets to be so overwhelming sometimes, even as I try to emotionally detach and let go. I try to focus on my kids and myself, but the sense of regret and rejection just keeps returning for me.
Do you mean thoughts of maybe it would be easier to just not be here anymore. Or are you really thinking that way?
I have thought in the early days - I would not care if I was not here any more, and I did think occasionally it would be the easy way out to stop the pain. But never really thought about it seriously.
If you talking about that you have thought about it seriously I would think about talking to a doctor about depression, and probably the sooner the better.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Has anybody else experienced suicidal thought while going through all of this? The emotional pain and turmoil gets to be so overwhelming sometimes, even as I try to emotionally detach and let go. I try to focus on my kids and myself, but the sense of regret and rejection just keeps returning for me.
Yes, I was actually doing pretty good after BD (or so I thought), then about 6 weeks after I spiraled down into nasty depression with crazy anxiety attacks. I went several days without sleep and eating very little. I took days off of work because I could not function at all. Suicide seemed like the most brilliant idea I had ever heard for bringing an end to the pain and misery, plus the life insurance would provide nicely for my W and kids. Seemed like a win-win. I can't even begin to describe what my head was like then- thoughts raced through like lightning, every single thing I could think of just reminded me of losing my W, the pain was excrutiating and there was no relief in sight. Endless crying too. I finally dragged into the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants. It took a week before they even started to make a difference and about a month before I really started feeling normal again. The experience was truly overwhelming. I never would have thought I could be in so much emotional pain.
Sometimes the LBS doesn't want to hear what I have to say b/c I haven't been in their shoes. But I do know about grief and depression. Neither one goes away very quickly when it is due to losing a loved one. Except, it may be harder, IDK.
I hope you will not hesitate to turn to your doctor, or some adult, to help you get through these times when you have these feelings. Your children are everything to you. They would be completely devastated without their Papa.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It has crossed my mind before but only briefly (thankfully). I mean the world to my kids and I can't imagine the hurt they would experience if Daddy wasn't around. I also have family members that love me and great friends who I would also hurt dearly if I just decided to check out. Don't get me wrong, I know this $ucks. It is very easy to think about ending it. What a quick way to get rid of this pain. But the pain you will leave behind is devastating.
Please talk with someone if you have really been thinking of this. These are not feelings to mess around with. Good luck. Hope you start feeling better.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
I am living proof that you can and WILL make it through this OK if you will just grit it out and press on. It will not be easy, but you WILL make it.
I went through a divorce almost 20 years ago. I was devastated by the loss of my wife and I could not imagine how my life was going to get better. I took each day minute by minute. I couldn't look any further down the road.
I made it. It was tough. I eventually married again. It was four years after my divorce, and I have had LOTS of great times. I would never have imagined it back then. You could not have convinced me that I could have ever been happy without her.
Look at this as a reaction due to withdrawal. You are dependent on her. You are going through natural pains that you brain is inflicting upon you. The more you are without her, the better you will get.
Thanks, folks. I'm feeling a bit better today. It's not that I would ever act on such negative thoughts. It was just the persistance of those thoughts lately that had me concerned. But I saw some friends this weekend and gotout of the house for a while, so that helped the whole PMA a bit.
I'm planning a trip back to the States for a few weeks and that's really going to be good for me.
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
Soo, GAL...GAL... Anybody else find that doing things with friends is pretty often interpreted as "going to bars"? Does the community have any good GAL suggestions?
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
Why are you seeing a MC if she's going to get a D? She has to be on board and willing to do the hard work that comes in reconciliation. Otherwise, all the MC will do is validate her feelings. "If it makes you happy and it feels good, do it". That sort of thing.
FWIW, I don't agree about telling your WAW (who is having an A) every move you make and with who. What sense does that make? She's possessive! Talk about having her cake and eating it too!! The point is for her to experience what she will be losing now......not after it's too late.
Hope you have a good trip.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
