I wanted to start over because I don't want to think about nightmares at this point, while I try to be positive about the future.
So... H and I are still piecing. But when I think of piecing, I think of me putting my pieces back together because my life was a complete wreck for the past year and a half.
Getting to the root of my problems is fear and inability to trust... still. But I'm working on it.
My H over the past year 1/2 since his decision that he wanted me and this marriage, has changed. He has kept his promises to never lie again. He has been honest, and he has made huge strides toward improving out marriage.
But I'm still stuck on the trust issue. I think it's because I was burned badly in my first marriage and now this time around too.
I'm not having daily anxiety like I used to about him lying and cheating again, or what he did, but there are periods where I go about two months and then anxiety will hit for about a day and I worry that he is lying and cheating.
I hope that as time goes by these anxiety attacks will lessen.
He never fails to reach out to me, and listen to me. He has repeatedly tried to reassure me that this is what he wants and that he is certain. In counseling, a month ago, he cried about how he nearly lost his family and how he feels a constant guilt for it.
How can I help him through his guilt. I don't know for sure.
I'm still working on complete forgiveness. It's harder to completely forgive when he knew what my ex did to me, and he came into this marriage and did the same.
I have to look at him as a separate person, not my ex.
This has definitely been a journey. I love this man so much. I know that he loves me too.
It sounds as if you are suffering from PTSD. Have you spoken to your therapist about it? I don't know the treatment for it but I would think it's a normal reaction to what you've been through.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Glad to hear that overall you and your H are still moving forward, together.
To piggy back off of SS's suggestion, EMDR is a widely recommended technique for helping sufferers of trauma. Checking with your therapist to see if they hold that certification wouldn't hurt.
Alternatively Google Yvonne Dolan. She is a world renowned therapist helping with victims of sex abuse - her techniques could most likely be applied to your / our sichs in healing.
HI Ctflor, how are you doing? haven't heard from you lately....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
