Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Ok so I'm out of town right now...booked us to a hotel & casino...on the boards right now because I'm keeping my distance with the W although last night she clung with me all night...I was not rude but still practicing no initial communication.
It was awkward because I'm so used to being solo the past 2yrs...and last night she asked me to go with her. Not excited about it just some observations and taking stock.
My mom and sis are with us too.
So there you go just a little update.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Leo thanks man. You know good question. The thing is I don't think I have something to gain being in limbo. But for some reason I chose to I suppose for the kids I'm such a softie when it comes to them. And I've been wanting to get off limbo before 2013. I did let go of my W in my recent sitch but she wouldn't. Leo did you file in your sitch? I want to hear more about your thoughts about your question. It's just lately I'm thinking of filing myself. It's just the last sitch I found proof she's still in EA, I just won't live with someone who cheats me. I deserve better than that...also why would I live with someone who doesn't love me? I'm starting to value myself. I know I'm not there yet but I'm starting to realize.
Ok update: I got to work and everyone knew it was my bday, I couldn't hide . Then D18 called me wish me and wanted to take me to dinner. Then late in pm W called me wish me and even got me a little present--I was so shock ! So we all went to dinner. Oh and recall I was gonna plan something this weekend, well I did booked a hotel 2 hrs away and w will even join us. Nothing to get excited about its within the norm. I had a great day afterall.
And of course thanks to all of you that wish me.
Newman
Sorry I'm just getting back to you Newman. As far as my sitch we haven't filed yet that's coming we are in mediation. It was Presidents Day of this year that I finally decided I had enough of living in limbo. I asked myself over and over what was I holding on to, why was I living in a loveless and sexless marriage? My W had told me time and time again that she wasn't in love with me and that when I'm around she doesn't have that "warm and fuzzy" feeling. I couldn't answer why I was holding on. So I told my W that it was time we divorced. I could see she was shocked and she left the house immediately.
It turns out she called her brother crying and he told her what did you expect for him to wait around on you forever? Well Newman my brother in law is right. You see in the past my W has had two A's that I know of and I did play role in them in that I wasn't a very good H to her. Every time we hit a big crisis in our R she went running to OMs. I really believe she is repeating history her patterns are the same and for me I will never trust her again. I recognized that there was something wrong in Sept of 11 and sat down with my W and told her things needed to change between us that it was time we reconnect. Well that's when she dropped the ILYBINILWY bomb. Nothing has changed since then so for me it's time to close this chapter in my life and start a new one.
If you know she is cheating and that is one of your boundaries then you now what's best for you. Staying in a loveless, sexless marriage for your kids isn't right. Think about what you are teaching them by staying. I do believe that kids are better off having both parents together but only in a healthy M. Believe me kids know when things aren't right between their parents.
I'm happy to answer any questions you have.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Thanks for getting back to me and sharing your sitch. Well I couldn't agree with you more. Even with the kids growing up and not seeing any affections from mom and dad, i don't want them to think this is how married life is. Everything you have said is where my mindset is heading. I think LBS at some point reach that timeframe and say you know I did what I can. At this point I have satisfied myself and say that I did what I can.
I tried for 2 years but the sitch keeps going in circles. If I call it quits I won't have any regrets knowing that she's still not respecting my boundaries. The next course of action is to remove me from this and I'm not going to be her shield anymore to cover her from her actions.
Good luck to you Leo, I'll be following your updates.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Since bday/mothers day weekend she's been throwing me some crumbs along the way. There's been her brushing her body against mine, some phone calls and texts initiated by her and last night she changed clothes in front of me (what a torture so I left the room). I don't trust it because its within the cycle of our sitch. I don't bite on those crumbs like I use to...plus not only that I don't want crumbs anymore I want the whole M!
That being said I know she's still detached.
This time it's different, I'm exploring a lot about LRT, not initiating contact. My one foot is still out the door once the kids get out of school. What I mean is really considering separation. Once separated, will apply full blown LRT, it's for me so I wouldn't know what she's doing, who she's seeing, who's she's EA with...contact will only about kids. I will go my path, and I will let her go hers.
Well the limbo train can keep going but I think I will Jump off this train next month.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Hi Newman, its amazing to watch the transition of someone who is putting up with almost anything to get their marriage back, to an almost lightbulb moment when one finally makes a decision to stop fighting so hard. You have done all you can. You are a man only a fool would leave.
Newman I'm very happy to hear that you aren't willing to settle for her scraps you deserve better than that. Living like this is a benefit to her and not you. You know what you what now its time for you to go get it.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
