Strange Meeting

[punkin]

I think it would help me if I could follow your and Snodderly's example and used what I know and have been through to help someone else, thereby helping myself, but I often feel so angry or confused, and I don't want that to come through in my postings to others.

Yes, there is arthritis medication that helps, but the side effects are often worse than the problem itself. One medication broke me out in hives in all the creases of my body. Took forever to get out of my system.

[beatrice]

I had heard that some people got side effects - what a bummer.

Actually I didn't post for more than 2 years, because I was so lost I had nothing to say, and am not sure why I restarted. Changed my posting name. You have such humour and courage, and I always enjoyed your posts. I think anger is entirely appropriate to this kind of behaviour, and we need to feel it fully and work through.

A good friend of mine was angry for about three years, and recently has moved out of this phase with renewed energy. it is the people who are not angry that puzzle me. I admire them, but I don't understand them!

[punkin]

Whatever the reason you began to post, I am grateful for your insight and common sense, among other things. Anger, yes. Most of the time, I do a whiz-bang job of being A1OK. Saturday nights and Sundays, I want to bite his neck and drink him dry. ( Just a metaphor, don't call the swat teams)I know it is probably due to having more time on my hands to just let my mind wander, but i sure wish it would find different territory. I guess a part of my is worried that his reaching out to kids may be a prelude to reaching out to me, and then again, hoping he will. Slap me Silly

[beatrice]

Much of what you wrote resonates. That is one of the reasons why the passage of time is important. We finally detach, and if they come barrelling slowly back into our lives it doesn't upset all the changes we have made.

I saw urworthy's post, I agree that when the alien goes away it is good - we can relate to them without being on our guard. When the alien is there we are on high alert, and any interaction is fraught. When the alien goes away you will know.

[AJM]

Anger? Did somebody say anger?

Yes, it is helpful. As long as you don't stay there for too long. What makes me laugh is how my ex thinks I'm bitter. Or bipolar. Or narcissistic. Or whatever else. It's been many years now. And yet she doesn't seem to want to let go for whatever reason. I suspect so she can have somewhere to direct her anger vs. taking the responsibility for her actions. But I totally get the idea of the alien. I still see the conflict in her emails. Trying to get a rise.

It was that behavior that I think, made it take longer to get past. It made no sense. Still doesn't, but it no longer matters that it makes no sense. What about anything in MLC does? So even though it continues, I don't have to be on high alert any longer. I was shocked to see how much I still was even after all this time. Time does help as long as we continue to work on detaching and forgiveness. At least in my opinion.

I totally get what you're saying Punkin, about him reconnecting with the daughters and grandson. Does that mean he's coming to you next? That's a tough thought, because it means you'll have to be tested on how far you've come.

Don't worry though. You'll do just fine. Anger or not, you'll do what's right for you. It may be uncomfortable for a little while if that happens. It may never happen, but...I think what we're seeing in B's post is the discomfort of somebody who had been important from her past entering her present. It helps to let the anger go and stay in the past too.

Peace,
AJ

[beatrice]

Update - once again Snodderly is right. I predicted 6 weeks before another contact from xh - and I get contact in 9 days. Very pleasant, offering to send me a book, telling me about some things I might be interested in,and asking about my trip to dentist and so forth.

I am bemused.

[job]

Bea,
I'm not surprised at his actions. He knows he screwed up royally and now he's searching for a way to unlock the door and step over the threshhold to reconnecting w/you on a different level.

This chapter in your life is not over by any means.

[beatrice]

I think it is either a sign of progress or that I am finally going insane that I find his actions extremely funny. He was such a jerk for so many years. I sent a light-hearted reply.

I am wondering what the Easter bunny is going to do next - back into the rabbit hole for a little more reflection..

As for me, I continue the journey digging deeper into my soul. This really is our journey too, although it can take a long while to see the bigger picture in all of this.

[job]

Bea,
I may be wrong, but I think he's going to step up communications/interactions w/you.

No, you aren't going insane, but you are fully detached and now that the dust has settled and you are on firmer footing, you can see the humor in what he's doing. They are all jerks for a very long time and then as they slowly re-enter earth's space, they begin to mellow out and start the reconnection w/friends, family, pets and us. We are now sitting w/our eyes wide open and can actually see what they are doing. In the beginning we were blinded by the pain and hurt so we couldn't see what was happening.

I haven't ruled out the Easter Bunny staying around a bit.

[beatrice]

Yup - three further short emails from xh all friendly were waiting in my inbox. However I think we may now have exhausted the topic of the electric toothbrush . . . LOL