hi- and hopefully i'm making a new thread (and hopefully this is what i'm supposed to do- and also below are my prior threads i believe - so yay if it works-
im assuming this new thread is what i was meant to do. somehow i'd figured it was 200 posts for limit - duhhh.
just f.y.i.- still wierdly in command of feelings more than ever have been so far in this debacle. don't know why- don't feel like ole mrs. STRONG GUY- BUT KEEP noticing i'm not as "crushed" in general.
mind you- i haven't had any new giant bomb dropped on my head - so i'm not patting myself on back. i'm merely noticing i think i'm a bit more "fortified" in life and hope if soemthing terrible occurs i continue to be so.
i'm having a giant post-holiday (mom's illness sitch) festival of I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT MOST OF THIS JUNK.
HAVEN'T talked to sister who yelled &hung up a few times - old me would have "patched things up" with her. i'm neutral- she can be in my life rite now or not. i hope in end we'll fix it- now tho, don't care.
mom drives me nuts- i'm in fl and away for awhile- so aside from daily call- i'm wiping it out of my mind and letting other sisters just handle it. they've alllllll got opinions- they can implement them & leave me alone. (they all know better anyway!)
aside from background "noise" in head now or then about possible awful things that could occur with h while here "in his land" (- which i'm just putting rite out of my mind and even succeeded 2 times last nit in actually doing and getting back to sleep!!!) so far so good.
i am serioyusly working on not looking into future- and not looking into past - harder than it sounds. BUT - today i'm feelin good.
so, in conclusion- i guess i have nothing remarkable to say other than i'm relatively happy and not too insane or worried and i'll take it. now i'm going to go do something wildly creative - unknown in nature - and that's that.
i would like it alot if this feeling stays with me- i think overall i'm a bit less fearful of my future (yeah- what future?) - tho for no particular reason i can think.... it seems totally unknown to me and unforseeable - who knows? maybe i'm braver than i think.. lets hope
here are my other threads per a cadet memo- think it will work:
Links to your first three thread First one on top most recent on the bottom.
nero, You do have something remarkable to say, i.e., you are relatively happy, not insane or too worried. That's an accomplishment that many wish for during their walks through mlc.
Only stay in the present, leave the past in the past and allow the future to unfold when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
will endeavor to remember quote thing- sounds good to me.
tho, who in their right mind would want tosift through all my embarassingly pitiful wah wah junk i can't imagine. it's sort of awful to know it's out there.
but then- nobody knows me so no pointing fingers. i can't bring myself to re-read it- too much pain - whatever it sounds like to anyone else. \
thanks for fixing my junk. another little guardian angel floating around "out there" in db-land. always good to know-
so, with all this flittering and flapping around us - do you (overlord) guys view us squirming schmos as little fat birdies leaving the nest (hopefully) one day- and flying away - fully feathered & cured? just curious. xxo
I see posters as little angels that one day will have wings strong enough to allow them to venture forth from the clouds and be there to assist others along the way, i.e., not necessarily here on the board, but in the real world.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm crazy with late night thoughts...just want to say hey so you can read this when you wake up. I will be down for the count for a while tomorrow....! Stay strong you sound great!
Crazy h buying you a card...don't assume....leave him be! I hope you get that card still!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
hope your sleep is deep and long and good. i envy you that.
anyway- i know, you're rite and will endeavor to keep my distance (mentally & emotionally). it's hard isn't it- i've said that to you fifty thousand million times haven't I.??
no extra charge. okay today- so yay for tht. hope your day is a good one too.
i know i cannot assume one darn thing has changed (really). it's hard to remember sometimes- but reality is always there on my shoulder. it makes me a bit negative sounding i think- now that i say that- i guess that falls under the heading of stfu huh? not to h or about r- just in general conversation.
i have to watch it to not let my negativity about people in my life currently slip out. i'm disenchanted in a major way.
wonder if i've always expected too mucch from people - and maybe put too much good spin on everything in my life (or does it just seem that way now because i'm kidn of off the rose colored glasses? my neice invited us to dinner formy birthday- so that's a surprise and very nice gesture on her part. and h is taking me to dinner wherever i want.
so, that's something. i always like to eat - and don'tusually feel much likie cooking anything elaborate - so yay for food.
it's wierd to try and juggle the "be your old charming self" and the "be pleasantly detached" - hard for me drawing lines- find myself falling into old habits of hopping up to find things, etc. half the time i remember to stop . i usually remember not to respond when i hear him talkin in some other room where i can't possibly hear- and USED to go over to hear what he wanted.
it's little- but it's something. let me think- anything else positive (howcome it's so easy to find the negative?)
hey- what the heck happened? blew myself out of the water.
anyway- i'm inclined to expect a heck of alot from myself and then find the ways i've fallen short- i'm trying to be more positive and let that junk go. butone does have to exert effort and take responsibility too- anyway- working on it all.
i can't think rite off hand- i went out with friend for coffee around suppertime yesterday- just a surprise jaunt- so busting out of mold whenever opportunity presents itself.
back later or sometime when can gather my thoughts.
hope your day goes well and no surprises of strange not'h's around. have you det ermined if your h is morphing into somewhat old self with not-h ddragging along? just curious. a few days ago you thought he peaked out of his tunnel with a bit of modification to old guy. always soemthing new isn't it?
