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MrBond,

I'm setting a boundary with you--I am now ignoring you.

Have a great day!!!!!! smile


Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Sorry if I struck a chord. And cutting people off just shows more control.

Just to let you know that sometimes DBing is about hearing things that we don't want to hear. I understand what your H is going through and I think he really does need to be given the chance to do things his own way for a little while before he can re-commit to the M. I just think your EAs affected him more than you realize. I do think he needs more compassion right now and I do understand that you think you've given it your all.

Go back to your posts from the beginning and you'll be able to see that.

Good luck to you.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Oh and there is a popular marriage saying that should be practiced by all married couples..

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?"


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Just got back from grocery shopping by myself. Gave me lots of time to think. I listened to our 2nd CD--I haven't done that for several weeks. One of the songs made me cry because it was written by H. I wondered if he will ever feel that way about me again.

So it's time to start writing down baby goals for me. I have a better idea that DR is for me and my behavior, not tricks to get someone to chase me.

I have to move on and build a life without H. If he comes back I'll be in a better place to be his wife. If he doesn't then I'm already on my way.


Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
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Don't ignore Mr. Bond. He can be brutal but gives great advice when you're ready to listen.


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
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Veroprado,

Maybe his advice is great but I think he can manage to do it "unbrutally".


Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Everyone has their own style. Take what you can use and leave the rest.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Honesty, I really appreciate Mr Bonds advice. Sometimes brutal really shakes people up. It's so hard to really see our own sitch for what it is, especially our own behavior.

After reading your sitch, I completely agree with what he said.


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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Originally Posted By: Lampstand
MrBond,

I'm setting a boundary with you--I am now ignoring you.

Have a great day!!!!!! smile


This is not a boundary, it is a statement.

A boundary would look like this.

"Mr. Bond,
If you continue using such a direct manner in your communication, I will ask you to stop posting on my thread."

It states what you need changed and gives him a clear idea of what he needs to do. It also gives him a clear idea of what you will do if he chooses not to make the change that you ask.

Lampstand,

I usually think Mr. Bond has a style that is hard to hear for many people, however, I rarely disagree with anything that he says.

Step back from the emotions of this, reread his post as if it is being written to someone else and see if you see it any differently.

What he said DID strike a cord with you. And generally, when something stings...that usually means it has some truth in it.

I wouldn't dismiss him so quickly.

Still waiting for you answers to my questions as well...



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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Yes the chord it struck with me was:

Apologies are never enough.

And the reason it struck of chord is because my H rarely if ever apologizes. I also have other family members who have abused me and then demanded that I apologize because I was offended by their harm towards me.

That totally contradicts my belief system and I'm not going to change it to satisfy MrBond.

My H accepted my apologies. The DR book says to not keep apologizing over and over. The Co-Dependency book says not to. So I'm not going to.

I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to win back my H. He either wants to be together or not. At this point I could care less.

I don't consider this support. When someone has been traumatized you wait until they are ready to begin with the hard work. I've not told everything here because I'm not comfortable.

I'm going to go away now because I'm not finding this board helpful right now. I'll come back later when I've had some time to heal.


Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
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