It's good to be here

[Mileus]

So, I haven't written anything in a couple weeks and I thought I'd stop back in. I have read a few things, but I haven't had much to say. She has only been home twice in the last 2 weeks. The first time I was there and we talked for a bit. It was nice and I was relaxed. She seems tense, but that might just be me projecting. She did say that it was hard for her to come down and she wanted the kids to visit her. I just left that alone.

The second time, I was on my way out when she showed up with her best friend. We chatted for a minute or two and then I left. I wish she would see the kids more, but I am LRT so I leave it alone.

I am doing well. I'm still losing weight, though it's slowed down, and going out occasionally. She seems lost, no job, doesn't visit much, doesn't talk to the kids much. I feel like I am moving on and she is just gone. It is definitely easier with her not around though it still hits me sometimes.

Monday was, would have been, our 14th anniversary. She texted me in the morning to say she was sorry for the way things worked out and that she was glad we had 14 years. I said I was glad for the time and wished her a good day. We sent a couple how's life texts back and forth and that was it.

Anyway, thanks for all the help and thanks for listening. I hope you are all well.

[Mileus]

Well, I thought I was better. I've kept losing weight (48 pounds now) and I've been going out with friends. My kids are doing well. Everything seemed like progress.

Then yesterday she came to visit and wanted to sign the custody papers giving me custody of our son. She wants to get married to this guy, I think within a couple weeks. She says she's happy, but she definitely doesn't act it when she's home, which is only about 1X per week, if that.

I offered to do what she needed to help her visit, even not being there, but she said the older two are old enough to visit her and the youngest doesn't care that she's gone. He's autistic and they are both still hurting because she walked out on them, so I think she's being unreasonable, but what can I do?

I miss her, but I don't really want her back anymore, not if this is who she is going to be. It's just a bit overwhelming sometimes doing everything on my own now. One child is depressed, one is autistic, and one is pregnant. As long as I'm around, everything is fine. But, I can't really leave them all together for long periods, just too much hurt and anger still. Nothing bad happens, just hurt feelings, but it's better when I'm around.

In addition, she still doesn't have a job and wants to drop her monthly payment down to 600 which means I'll have to start charging the older two rent. This is definitely not something I want to do, I'd like them to focus on finishing school and getting real jobs, but I just don't make enough to support 4 and a house on my own.

I know there isn't anything I can do to control her behavior, and I'm not trying. I'm still GAL and working on myself, but she has certainly made my life difficult. I just needed to tell someone before I went crazy. My family has helped out enough and I want to try to figure out the finances on my own for now. I hope everyone else's situation improves, mine seems to be heading the wrong direction.