Reb, From what I understand most MLCer's do want to come home. The thing is that most LBS choose to not wait the MLC out, either due to too much damage or loss of feelings for the MLCer, moved on with their lives, etc.
This is not a short journey and there are no guarantees what kind of person you'll get back. Generally there are changes in both MLCer and LBS.
From what I've heard and read those marriages that do make it through MLC are better and stronger than ever.
So, what I get out of this is that while it is the MLCer's choice to check out of the M, it is the LBS's choice whether to let them back in at the end of the crisis.
Of course there are those MLCer's that do not ever come out the other side, but I believe they are the exceptions and not the rule.
Mizjd gives you good advice, shift your focus back to what you can control, you.
Sorry all, I did not mean to imply db didn't work or belittle anyone's efforts. I am sick, and tired (and sick & tired) and having a hard time getting my head in the right place. I was there a 6 weeks ago or so, but, like everything, it seems like the minute you loosen your grip life has a way of sucking you backwards. And without the emotional support that used to be offered by a spouse, it's time to start digging my way out of the hole again.
It does seem, though, that the more I concentrate on reading this site and books (just got The Script that was referred on another posting), the more I have a hard time getting past the pain. Does anyone else find that to be the case?
Ok Mr Bond, I'll work on a marital history. That sounds like an excavation that will probably take a bit to get out. Tomorrow is another day! I did see something on tv that's worth sharing from A Purpose Driven Life author - thoughts control your feelings, and feelings control your actions. So if you want to change your actions or feelings, start by changing your thoughts. That's where the PMA comes in, huh?
