I have been doing the 180 all week and now made a mistake. I backslid and back to stage one again. This is exhausting. He is still telling me to be out by March 1st or it will turn very ugly. Now telling me that we can work things out if I do a checklist of things...however, the checklist includes things that wouldnt make me happy. But I want to save the marriage. So confused.
Me: 40 H: 44 M:3 years T: 4 years Me: S9, D7 H: SS8; Twins: SD1=10 and SD2=10 Both married before.
I have been doing the 180 all week and now made a mistake. I backslid and back to stage one again. This is exhausting. He is still telling me to be out by March 1st or it will turn very ugly. Now telling me that we can work things out if I do a checklist of things...however, the checklist includes things that wouldnt make me happy. But I want to save the marriage. So confused.
It's ok...backsliding happens. Just get back to what you were doing that worked!
My advice to you is this. If he is asking you to do things that will not make you happy, then you just can not do them. If you are unhappy in a marriage, then it's still a marriage destined to fail! Work on the things that you can do, and talk to him about the others. Create some boundaries and stick to them!
I asked a question earlier about AlAnon or ACOA-have you ever attended? I see you've had counseling, are you still in counseling?
Adult children often have trouble setting boundaries and it seems you're having difficulty in that area. Have you tried to set boundaries with your H and your stepchildren when not in a charged situation? Verbal abuse is not OK. Sitting down and talking about it at a calm time can be helpful. Do you know what your boundaries are?
"All I wanted was to take a nice picture. So was that about control and manipulation or was I asking too much?"
Did you talk to anyone about it before you went out and bought matching outfits? Did you ask if they wanted a family picture? I have 2 sons and the matching outfit thing lasted until they were about 5. I can't imagine a boy much older than that being interested, especially if it was a last minute expectation. As you look back on it now, do you think it was controlling?
Learn to think these things through, talk to the people involved before you make a decision or plans that affect them.
A request, if you are going to write long posts, which is OK, please break them up into small paragraphs. Many times people will look at that wall of text and not bother to read it. YOu may get more responses if your posts are reader friendly.
Hope this helps.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
