Bring It On 2013

[BeingMe]

I went to the lawyer on Friday, and she seems really nice, with lots of advice. It seems that the law isn't changing per se, but rather tightening up. So, there's no need for me to rush to get the divorce before March. Which is a good thing. I want to get our tax stuff sorted out before applying for the divorce. If H wants to go ahead and find a lawyer and do it sooner, then he can have at it. Also, we were shocked at the price our house will get if we sell it. In effect, we won't get much for it. The market is definitely in the buyers favour, and I wish I could buy another house now. I told H that I have put the D proceedings on hold until we can figure things out. He did say that we could be co-owners of the properties, but that doesn't help me as far as alimony goes, and buying a house for myself. We intend to build a suite downstairs and rent it out. Rent prices has not gone down, so we can make quite a bit on that. I also told him that I'm just as disappointed about the divorce as he is, but there's no point in rushing things, and ending up doing it wrong. At some point, we're going to have to sit down, and work things out calmly and rationally. And, he doesn't like to discuss anything rationally or otherwise. He just says, "you can have it all." So frustrating.

So, tax stuff first. Got the CA on that. Then, the suite has to be built. And then we have to find a way to separate our finances. In the meantime, I have 5 courses to get through, and that's the most I've had in one semester.

I'm kinda feeling down. Things are not working out as planned, but I s'pose I just have to make another plan as I head out into 2013.

[seeking answers]

BeingMe,
What does your H mean by saying, "you can have it all."?

[BeingMe]

SA, that's what I'm still trying to find out. He is not a very communicative person. I assume, everything, except his motorbikes and garage stuff. He says it in an angry way, as if I'm trying to take everything. Nothing we have is worth much, anyway. We have our money tied up in our house and condo, and neither will bring in money right now. There is nothing I would love to do then get that divorce, but other things have to be fixed first.

[minnasota]

wow

[BeingMe]

H has found a job nearby in the city where OW from 7 years ago lives. I don't know if he's still involved with her, he said not a couple of years ago. I won't ask again, but I'm going to assume he's at least still in contact as a "friend".

[BeingMe]

Why do I go with him to see friends? I was trying to engage our friend's son with conversation, asking him where he works and, sure, I could've started with, "so, do you like working there?" But I, stupidly, asked him if they stock a certain thing that I've been looking for. Before he could reply, H jumps in saying, "you can get that at The Source, why would you ask "friend's son"? I f*&^%ing know I can get it at that store. I was so embarrassed. So, on the way home, I told H that I was just trying to engage the young man in conversation, and I hadn't needed his input. "I guess I f*&^%ed up again," he replies. NO! I just wanted him to acknowledge that he shouldn't have butted in.

Arrrrgh! If it weren't that the friend was leaving this morning, I wouldn't have gone. I wasn't in the mood.

[job]

Breathe and count to ten. Your h was in the wrong but butting into your conversation. You didn't f@ck up while conversing.

Hang in there!

[BeingMe]

Thanks S. I'm breathing, but more importantly, not confronting him again to try and make him understand what he did, which is a 180 for me.

I guess I shouldn't have said anything in the car either. Why bother? He has no idea, not a clue, doesn't 'get it' about how he makes me look like a fool in front of others. I think I will just see our friends alone. Most are friends I made, so it'll be easy. This friend is "his" which is why I went. But, I can always do coffee with him (and his wife, when she comes). I do not talk about my M to him, so it's not as if he has to choose between H and I.

[BklynMom]

You did nothing wrong

[BeingMe]

Thanks B-M. Sometimes, I think I'm going crazy, over thinking everything. I think it's time to not care, and let it all go. It's hard because H's still here (moved to the basement now), and I soooo want to move on. I think I've said that several times. This house is a prison for now, until we can sell it and get some money out of it so we can buy our own littler places. We may rent it out. Not sure yet. Still have to have that conversation.

H starts his new job next Monday, so no walking on eggshells during the week.

Tonight, a friend and I went to dinner, then we watched a movie at her house while eating some chocolate. Yum! Better not do that too often. I don't want GAL activities to make me put on weight while I'm actually trying to lose it. I've given most of my fat clothes to charity, so I won't have anything to wear if I put back the weight I lost. So, it's done, and tomorrow I'll exercise more, and be good. No, really, I will.