Lost and confused Part2

[Lampstand]

Just a thought about those in separate bedrooms....I did this to my H for a long time. I thought if I forced him to sleep elsewhere it would increase his passion for me and he would become more romantic. Decreased supply = increased demand.....right? Didn't work because he thought I was just being mean and cold.

I also pushed him away outside the bedroom of course thinking that it would make him chase me. It didn't because he was oblivious. And now he's a LBH.

[Juanton]

Your friend gave some sound advice, now the hard part is acting on that advice.

[lostforever]

Thank you for all the replies. I am just really on the fence with all this. At this point I am doing nothing i have not text W for a few days now. I just dont know what to do , so i guess at this point I do nothing until I know what to do.

BTW My friend was W's good friend first.. so she knows her and how she is. well i guess how she was.

Maybe the best thing is to just have NC with her until she contacts me. IF that happens I will see if i will reply. But I do need to say I have been GAL and feel good about things. It is just the past few weeks being sick with this flue that I have been stuck in house and it is getting to me in a big way.

[lostforever]

Why is NC so hard some days and other days I dont really think to much about it?

Like i keep saying i am so much on the fence still with sending one of the two texts I talk about in past posts. But im not sending anything at this point. It is getting so close to the time she made me leave the house. then short time latter I told her she had to leave as this was what she wanted not me.

Looking back i wish i could have changed some of the things I did but i can not. I have to be honest here as that is the way everyone can help me. I do miss my W very much I do still Love her very much, I just cant show it to her at this point I guess.

I'm fighting the idea of trying to find something I could send W for Valentines day. Even if it was 1 purple rose. She loves purple roses. But i think back to last year I sent 4 foot roses to her at work and was never told thank you nothing from her at all from valentines day. it was very hurtful. But her daughter gave me a card I still Have. She was so nice to me. She never got her mom anything too.

anyway i have not had contact with W since around the 19 20 of jan. but i so want to just even talk to her something. I also would really like to find out some how if she is seeing some one now. I have no reason to think she is other than it has been so long we have had no relations.....

[BrightFuture]

I had no contact with my H since Jan. 21 too. But, at this point I’m not sure if I want to. I think I would rather have no contact, then talk to him like a friend, it would just upset me.

[lostforever]

I had no contact with my H since Jan. 21 too. But, at this point I’m not sure if I want to. I think I would rather have no contact, then talk to him like a friend, it would just upset me.

I understand. It does hurt when I talk to W as a friend. I always want to say more and most times I do with one of 2 outcomes. W would say Thank you we will talk soon OR she will just never reply. It is just always me that has tried to keep the lines open. It is just hard.

[lostforever]

You know i am just doing some reflecting on things today, Not sure why but it is ok.

Looking back I can truly see how my W began to in her own mind villainize me. To make me the bad Guy so it was easier for her to leave. Up to a point everything she tried to say to make me the bad Guy was well turned around on her. I never gave her the proff that she needed. Until that one day. I found her passwords to all her accounts. She found them buy looking in my Stuff ( she was looking to see what money I had as I know she was broke that day and needed gas. I was always good to her and gave her all she wanted. But when she found the list of passwords well that was all the pruff she needed to say to herself and friend she what he did and does to me.

I'm not sure if this one thing is what is hard for her to get past. But i do feel it is the one thing she cant let go of. the trust. Also for some reason she thinks I was following her. that was told to me by her mom. I never did it never even thought about it. But I know she had this problem in the past with her other ex's. They tracked her miles on her car. I never cared what she was doing until the one day i caught her in a lie.. she did feel bad and was very sorry but it still put a lack of trust in everything as I did with her.

So that is my reflection. I still pray we will R but God only knows if we will or not.

[lostforever]

ok well i have been a little sick the past few days i hope no one else gets what i had well have..

so I got my W and Mother In Law and Step Daughter a valentine gift. Just a few flowers... I did not say anything loving to wife just wished that they have a good day and may God fill there heart with peace and love on this day.
I dropped them off to w mothers house. Mother in law got talking and was told how much trouble with money W is having. I already know she is having a hard time. I did want to help her but she will not take the help.

I just told her mom that i do care alot about her and want to help her but as I said she will never take it. I just dont get it. Just seems like she is so mad still and it is all directed to me. I was told a few things that were no surprise to me she has 2 friends that are causing things to be harder for me. one of the friends are feeding into and yes making up stories about me to my W. I am sure if the 2 friends were not in W life this marriage would have a different outcome.

hoping and praying that W will come around. I would love to just talk to her or even let her just talk to me and tell me what is going on.....

[lostforever]

Well it has been a little time that i have come here. That does not mean things are going well. I have been sick with the flu and could not shake it.

However here is the latest and I am just so hurt by what was done. Well valintines day I sent flowers to my W my MIL and my stepdaughter along with a card. I had to send all 3 to my mother in laws house. It ws then that my MIL told my W that there was something there for her. Well 2 things 1 she never came to get the flowers and W never told stepdaughter. The flowers had to be tossed. I talked to my stepdaughter and she was very upset that she was never told. she tells me that she will get to the bottom of this. I am sure she talked to her mom and well im sure it did not go over well...

Now I will say that i did not put any type of love you stuff in W card. I also did it knowing they i will not get anything in return. But it still hurts to know that W just left them there and had to be tossed. That hurt very bad and i am still very upset over it. Even her Mom is very upset at her. I just totaly do not know what is going on with my W and why even now is she still so angry at me. I have not been around. I think she is just so unhappy with her self and what she is doing. I know she is hurting so bad for money. the car payment was late by 23days. I told her that if she ever got in a jam with the car to let me know as it is still in both our names and im the primary.

So i did not sent the text message that i posted here. i talked it over with my coach and came up with a new one that i will send as soon as i get past this flu..

here is the text i will send so any input would be nice.

Hi WAW,
I hope you are doing well !!! I wanted to send this sooner but did not as i have been sick with the flu. well Here it is here now!! I wanted you to know that I do understand how you must have felt when you found out your friends and Family spend time with me. It must have Hurt and made you felt disloyal by them. I get it and I'm sorry you felt that way. I do realize that you have been unhappy for some time now... I think I have a few Ideas as to why..... But i would love to know all the reason you are still so unhappy. So, whenever you feel that you are ready to talk about things feel free to call me. We can do coffee, Brunch, Dinner someplace or whatever is the best for you.....


So after that I will just wait for W to contact me if at all. with the way she is who knows.

Oh one more thing is that now her daughter has moved out and I know from the past this is a big thing for W to deal with. for me I am just getting down and feel like everyone looks at me as if there is something wrong with me. Meaning I Should have moved on by now in there eyes. Why do you keep trying is what they say. I do not want to look like a loser that is out of control. I am not but it is hard sometimes. I feel the longer this drags on the lass chances of any type of a good outcome.

[ForeverYoung]

Hi LF. Sorry to hear you were sick, I hope you’re feeling better now.

I too have had small gifts to W ignored or go unacknowledged. Nothing we can do about this but drop all expectations when we give them.

for me I am just getting down and feel like everyone looks at me as if there is something wrong with me. Meaning I Should have moved on by now in there eyes. Why do you keep trying is what they say. I do not want to look like a loser that is out of control. I am not but it is hard sometimes.

Don’t allow others to make you feel bad about yourself for standing. Standing for ones marriage is a most noble task to undertake. Michele is clear in DR: No one else gets to decide when you should throw in the towel… that decision is yours alone. When you’re family/friends make you feel bad about yourself for standing, tell them thank you for your concern, but you are doing just fine. Stop discussing your sitch with them. If they bring it up, thank them for their concern and then change the subject. Only discuss it with people who support your decision to stand.

If your coach approved your text you should send it. You need some short of movement in your sitch one way or another.

Hang in there and continue on happily with your new life without wife.