Oh, and when i feel free of the bond of H and I, I feel really good. Can someone remind me that when I decided just now to leave communication with him (except kids and finances) and maybe christmas coffee next week (if feeling stable lol) that I felt really good? It was only a few minutes, but I was happy
How do I continue being friendly, but give off vibes of whatever you do is great? Man, I really slid back to the beginning in terms of where I am. I know I know, everything for myself la la la, but it is so hard. Some days I feel as though I got it and others, not so great!!
Hi Ruby
Not that I am in any position to give advise, because I have the same thoughts as you, continously, regarding getting my relationship back, but don't give yourself a hard time when you backslide, you are only human and you are trying your hardest to DB.
Keep smiling...
Me48; W44 M20; T25 S17 & S15 Bomb (IDLYA) 27/10/12 Still living together
Thanks Worried-please to meet you and when you have posted a bit more, you will hopefully begin to see patterns in your behaviour, or not lol!! And you will have advice for someone, cuz BTDT...got the shirt.
How do I DB when I hardly ever see H? I mean he lives an hour away. Can someone offer advice with this who has been in this sitch? I can honestly send light happy kid and finance emails, but I never see him. Even this weekend, where he was supposed to "have" kids, he says he now has dinner Saturday night back in city, so I have them. This may become an issue, I think, we will have to resolve it.
Should I say you want lunch with D and I next friday when we are in town? Like a Christmas lunch? I am okay and can be 13 if D is there.
He does not know I am not going to SIL for family dinner on 22. Everyone assumes I am going because that was my last indication in October. I do not feel I have enough grace to handle a room of his family and sig. others, when they have known for awhile about OW (at least 2 or 3 of them). How do I say "no" without causing upset? Something like, "I am sorry, but I just don't feel comfortable doing this. I thought I would, but I don't" How do I put out strong, but apologetic, since I did say I would go a couple months back? Also will not be home that evening-going for a girls' night as they rallied for me
I am really struggling these days and do not know why. Yes, I do, the emails back and forth filled me with hope when right now there is none. I am going under here....blargh
Cat posted that wisdom rarely comes from logic.....I am an understander too. I figure if I could just understand, then I could fix....I'm gonna have to let go of that and when I do, I will be on the right path.
Why does it matter if he sees you DB'ing? Why do you think for one second that DB'ing is about getting him back? We have talked about this.
In the dating world they call it "building attraction" it is things you do in those brief moments as you are getting someone to like you. Why is it different with a past? Do you not think that when you walk around with a big smile on your face and truly being happy that it won't get back to him? What happens when it does?
"I am really struggling these days and do not know why."
It is your mind!!! That is why!! This is why GAL, Resting, Eating.. all that stuff is important. Should I give you a get a life task?
"Yes, I do, the emails back and forth filled me with hope when right now there is none. I am going under here....blargh"
I seem to remember someone telling you there was not much substance in those emails. That person also understood that you have to make the choice on whether to continue them or not. It is going to sound silly.. but I can type until I am blue in the face.. until you choose to listen and understand then you can change it!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I know it is getting back to him. He mentioned that people said I look hot and really happy (I blew the happy bit by saying actually i wasn't but I have kids and a job and school etc, and have to move forward no matter what, so I may as well make the best). This was a couple of weeks ago.
I know DB ing is for me, I do, but then it would be me busting, if I never see him lol!! I do understand the principles, don't get blue (it is NOT an attractive facial colour) the toughest part is to do them without validation. I manage fine here, no one knows how I feel really except "my person" and one other really close friend-both no ties to H
I am always smiling always cheerful and a f'n pleasure to be around. Maybe it is a good thing he lives an hour away, gives me plenty of practice.
Thanks Forest, I know you have to just copy/paste, but I am hearing you. Self examination and self doubt are the worst..and the best, just not all at once.
I didn't lock my iPad and husband read messages and Facebook messages? Not complimentary to OW but really nothing about h unless he saw that I thought it wouldn't last and that I was seeing lawyer because he was saying he should live here with D and not me? Not in a nasty way he said this but he was saying it was best option.
How damaging do you think it would be? Not saying he did but he had the opportunity and since he took stuff without telling me he may have scrolled through messages and seen them?
NC unless he sends text short nice answer back Will not mention him today at all in conversation. Only exception is I asked a friend to retext a convo we had yesterday. But I asked her yesterday.
