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Originally Posted By: Nblost
She goes to your church, right? I'd treat her as a friend and have no expectations. If she ends up interested again, you will know.

She broke up with you...so she expects and wants you to leave her alone at this point.


I agree with this... put yourself in the friend-zone. As more time goes by, she might change her mind. If not, you have yourself a good friend.


M34 W35
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T10 M6
on/off over the years including her A
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Nov 2015 bomb
Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling
Feb bomb
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Mid-May I tell her I'm done
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alamo76 Offline OP
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Nblost/Someguy1233 - She was "shopping/looking" for a church when we met, so she decided not to return after the break up. Really a bummer, IMHO, because the church family really liked her too.


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Disregard DB/DR rules for a second: How certain are we that when we detach or break contact (from the other person's perspective) we aren't seen as disgruntled people, who go huff and puff in the corner because we didn't get our way?

Apply this to the context of my situation where she and I will have NO means of bumping into each other or anything like that. By going dark, isn't possible for her to see me as "Well, I guess he really didn't mean what he said about his feelings and such. I was hoping for him to step up and be a romantic/fight for me, but now he's giving me the silent treatment and cold shoulder. Screw him."


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Originally Posted By: alamo76
Disregard DB/DR rules for a second: How certain are we that when we detach or break contact (from the other person's perspective) we aren't seen as disgruntled people, who go huff and puff in the corner because we didn't get our way?

Apply this to the context of my situation where she and I will have NO means of bumping into each other or anything like that. By going dark, isn't possible for her to see me as "Well, I guess he really didn't mean what he said about his feelings and such. I was hoping for him to step up and be a romantic/fight for me, but now he's giving me the silent treatment and cold shoulder. Screw him."


I posted on your other thread. But Alamo - Chill out.

Have you read Co-Dependent No More? You should check out.

Detachment does not equal I don't care. It means you are respecting her choice and moving forward.

It stops you from controlling and allows her to control her own actions.

Silent Treatment and Cold Shoulder is not space. Be friendly with her when SHE initiates contact.....

... but let HER take the lead here.


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Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

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alamo76 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Valeska19


Silent Treatment and Cold Shoulder is not space. Be friendly with her when SHE initiates contact.....

... but let HER take the lead here.


I actually meant that silent treatment and cold shoulder as a detriment of no-contact. Instead of giving her space, she might actually think that I simply don't care anymore. Surely, y'all believe there's two side to the coin, right?


M37, S5
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Originally Posted By: alamo76
Surely, y'all believe there's two side to the coin, right?


I absolutely do.. but I also believe you are avoiding my questions and making excuses to push YOUR agenda above hers.

I'm sorry for the 2x4's.. but you have been at this too long and have done this before.....

... so get off your hamster wheel and answer my questions.


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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alamo76 Offline OP
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Sorry, what is your question?


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It's in your "Surviving The Big D" thread.


M(f): 40
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Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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alamo76 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Valeska19
It's in your "Surviving The Big D" thread.


My answer is there now. Thanks!


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alamo76 Offline OP
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I've been watching 'The Office' reruns lately and it recently hit me how dynamically similar S and I are to Pam and Jim or Michael and Holly. True, they candied those stories a bit, but the joking around, the chemistry, etc, couldn't have been more real than when you put S and I in the same room together.

It seems like our relationship was merely wrong timing, wrong circumstances. Sounds like the "one that got away" sometimes.


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
Bifurcated 103112
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