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A Message from Michele
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Re: Do they ever come back? Is there hope? [Re: Snookee] #2308724
12/21/12 03:38 AM
12/21/12 03:38 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
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Starsky309  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
Good!!!! Stay strong. Think about it AHEAD of time, and what you will say, and how you will confidently act. That helps.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Do they ever come back? Is there hope? [Re: Starsky309] #2310118
12/27/12 09:23 PM
12/27/12 09:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59
N
notsurewhat2do Offline OP
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notsurewhat2do  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59
Thanks Snookee, I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering. Unfortuntely, I feel like my H has waited for things to get so bad within himself that he may never come back. He shows no interest what so ever in me or reconcillation. I'm going to try and wait him out. Holding onto our divorce papers till I feel there is no hope left or till he starts to push. BUT, for me I could not let H back in my bed unless its forever. I can't put myself through that. I'm 42 years old and have had 4 lovers (yes, I had sex with someone 10 years ago when H were seperated the first time and I thought he wasn't coming back.) So, every partner I have had has been a relationship, never a one-night stand. I just can't do it. SO, I don't see myself giving into H unless he is committed to me and our relationship.

I have been buying new clothes, trying to look nice whenever H comes around. Even Christmas morning, got up, washed my hair, put on makeup and put back on my Christmas pj's (not sexy, but practical). We are friends on facebook, so I've stopped sharing "woooh is me pictures or quotes" and started sharing happy things or spiritual things or making fun upbeat statuses. Like the last status was about getting gravel for our driveway, but it was "my driveway"! Then the next step is to start posting pictures of my new bed and home decor that I've been working on. Just little things to show him I'm "moving on" with or without him.

I do think a lot about what him and OW are doing. I really have to MAKE MYSELF not think about her at all. Like Christmas, I wonder what he got her. He didn't get me anything. And I was not getting him anything that would benefit her. So I got him a new head to his razor (yes sorta benefitted her, but he shaves anyways) and DD wanted to get him Sperry's. And I always think about how I will feel if H marries OW. I will be devastated. As I would be if she ends up pregnant. What H doesn't realize is that if he marries OW, he will loss our DD forever. Right now, he has a shot restoring some type of relationship with DD, but if he marries OW, she WILL NEVER forgive him. He will totally loose her. But right now he doesn't care. It's sad.


Me: 41
H: 43
M: 21 yrs
DD: 15

1st bombshell: 2002 - 6 months
2nd bombshell/moved out: 10/03/2012
OW: 10/12/2012
Signed MDA & PP: 11/20/12; but not submitting
Confirmed OW living with H: 11/21/12
Re: Do they ever come back? Is there hope? [Re: notsurewhat2do] #2310325
12/28/12 08:30 PM
12/28/12 08:30 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 53
Westchester County, NY
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Snookee Offline
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Snookee  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 53
Westchester County, NY
NotSure...yes, it is sad. Especially when there are children. My kids, well the youngest is 19 and I do think that he's upset with the whole thing. Even the adult kids feel the split. Our H's aren't thinking with their brains.


M-59
H-58
2 S, 1 D
2 Gr. Ch.
T 20 YRS
M 17 YRS
ILYBINILWY 4/21/12
Caught H and OW 5/25/12
H Left 6/5/12

"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Re: Do they ever come back? Is there hope? [Re: Snookee] #2312546
01/07/13 04:13 PM
01/07/13 04:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59
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notsurewhat2do Offline OP
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notsurewhat2do  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59
Yes, I would be upset if my parents split up now and I'm almost 42. My whole foundation would be rocked. I honestly think that most marriages can and should be saved. I know some say "I was so unhappy I had to get out". I believe they feel that way, I have no doubt, I've had those fleeting feelings too, but I also believe that if the other person is happy and content, then you have to realize that there is something missing, it's not the marriage persay, but something that needs to be addressed and changed. How easy would it have been for my H to say ... lets sit down, I need to really talk to you. I'm not happy and something needs to change. I need .... 1)more support from you with my dreams, 2)more affection, 3) more attention ... how can we make that happen and both of us happy? Let's figure this out. But for me I believe, sometimes it's something within that person too... I know it is for my H. He is so unhappy with himself, that he won't ever be fully happy, no matter how much he runs or who he runs too.

Agreed, our H's aren't thinking with all of their brains ... just the selfish part or maybe even the sick part. And of course with that other little brain - south of the border!


Me: 41
H: 43
M: 21 yrs
DD: 15

1st bombshell: 2002 - 6 months
2nd bombshell/moved out: 10/03/2012
OW: 10/12/2012
Signed MDA & PP: 11/20/12; but not submitting
Confirmed OW living with H: 11/21/12
Re: Do they ever come back? Is there hope? [Re: notsurewhat2do] #2315688
01/18/13 04:13 AM
01/18/13 04:13 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
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littleGTO Offline
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littleGTO  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
Hi, notsure,

I decided to come onto this forum b/c it fits where I'm at. My H is in a very intense EA w OW now for about a year. He claims he is "in love" w her and not w me and that he needs to follow his heart.

He moved out 2 1/2 months ago. I am devastated of course. We've been M for 17 yrs and have 3 boys.

Our sitchs seem similar. My H seemed so unhappy at home for the past year and I thought he was depressed and in MLC and "lost." Since he's moved out he has shown renewed interest in our kids and seems happier somehow...not towards me at all, but like he feels this is the life he needs to have now.

It is so very selfish of WAS to just put themselves first and disregard everyone else in their life.

What do you think has helped you start to move forward w your life? I am struggling to get there or even take baby steps forward at all.


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
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