Moving on, Staying Strong

[PeteWyo]

So I'm not sure why my old post got closed but here are my previous posts:

Still together but trying to save this

Dealing with the reality of separation

So W has made it quite clear that she wants to dissolve the M. I am not surprised by this. Funny thing is that the words she told me with (email) were not hers. I'm sure she wrote that email with OM. Doesn't matter. I know now that I am a better person because of my journey. I have come to understand why my W felt the way that she did. Mostly my IC helped me out with that. It DOES make sense to me why my wife felt that I was too controlling. What was actually me supporting her and encouraging her to better herself, came across that way to her. I get that now. It is still not an excuse to hide her feelings and not tell me that she was upset, and it most certainly doesn't justify falling into the arms of our friend's fiancee.

So I have come to the stark realization that even if she had come back to me, I couldn't trust her, I couldn't trust that she was being honest with me. She was a completely different person to my face than she was to others. What did she have to gain from that? I will never understand why she would hide her true feelings from me. I also have no doubt that she will end up in this same situation 5 years from now if not before, and that makes me sad for her.

Update on my anxiety: I am now on a medicine that is suppose to help my anxiety and obsessive tendencies. It is making me feel a bit out of it, but hopefully it will start working sooner than later. I have a much better handle on my anxiety without meds than I ever did, but for at least the short term I think it is a good idea to get myself right, chemically. I don't think I have been there for a long time.

[MrBond]

"It is still not an excuse to hide her feelings and not tell me that she was upset, and it most certainly doesn't justify falling into the arms of our friend's fiancee."

In her mind it does. She felt you were controlling her life, so she found comfort in someone who had no expectations on her whatsoever.

"So I have come to the stark realization that even if she had come back to me, I couldn't trust her, I couldn't trust that she was being honest with me."

Yes you could. It comes with understanding things from her POV.

"She was a completely different person to my face than she was to others. What did she have to gain from that?"

She treated you differently because she didn't trust giving you her feelings.

"I will never understand why she would hide her true feelings from me."

Because she didn't trust you enough to open up. Women just want to be heard and not told how to make something better.

"I also have no doubt that she will end up in this same situation 5 years from now if not before, and that makes me sad for her."

Maybe. However, the realization is that if she finds a man who knows how to listen to her the RIGHT way, then she won't. Point is that you can be that man. You just have to "listen" to what she says rather than just hearing.