Crazy Strange Glorious

[tpc1977]

My wife came to pick the girls up yesterday after church. She was beautiful - thin, nicely dressed, tall (platform shoes). They went to eat. She asked them to go with her yesterday but since the OM was going neither really wanted to go. So they decided to go today. Not sure if my wife senses rejection or even cares.

While they were gone, I recovered the second chair. I was pretty pleased with the results. Later, when they got back, I asked my wife if she liked them. She gave me a sort of, "Uh ... yeah, I noticed that." She wouldn't acknowledge it on her own. Why? Who really knows. I can't psychoanalyze her. I don't know what she does what she does.

I also took a much needed nap. I felt horrible the day before and this morning. Just worn out. After an hour or so, I got up and made some sauce for spaghetti. I cook more and enjoy it.

Actually, I enjoy just about every aspect of being a single man - except the fact that I'm single. The house-keep, the cooking, the time with the girls. After my wife got home we spoke a bit about things and this subject came up. I even surprised myself by telling her this. I really do love raising these girls and keeping the house nice. She mentioned that there were many times where she didn't.

Well, she doesn't have to worry about it much at all now.

Maybe it's because I'm a little more organized and I get to things a lot sooner in the day. I have a propensity to do things immediately, rather than let it sit. And ironically, it's something I'm working on doing less of even though it makes life here a bit easier.

One of the major issues in our marriage was me always doing what I thought I needed to before anything else. I pushed everything and everyone aside to do what "I" thought needed to get done first. Lately, I have been trying to drop whatever it is I'm doing in order to deal (or even sit) with my daughters. I've been giving things more time to wait.

My wife asked me later (another subject now) if I put into our daughter's head that made her dislike, or not even want to go near, the OM. I told her that I have mentioned she should never have a grudge and never harbor hate. Ultimately, she has the choice whether or not she hangs out with him, but she doesn't need to be ugly about it. What she has told me, and my wife, was that she didn't want to hang out with a guy who destroyed a family. How could she like him at all. My wife asked if she even knew that it wasn't him, or her alone. She does. Many times I have talked to our daughter about everything I had done to push my wife and my kids away. I have also asked for forgiveness - still do when the subject comes up.

I think showing my daughters that I am really trying to make it right proves I am truly sorry for what I've done. Honestly, I want to put their needs first. I want them to feel this worth in their lives that I didn't

More later ... I need to workout a bit. I still eat like I burn 50,000 calories a week. Time to change another habit.

[tpc1977]

Today has been rough. The waves crashing on me are less frequent but they still knock me over sometimes. I've learned that I still need more balance to stay up.

My youngest is at home today and I wish I was there with her. Just hanging out and doing home things. When work is slow I tend to get down in the dumps. Those inner voices become a bit louder and tougher to drown out.

[tpc1977]

I basically cook for me and maybe one kid - my youngest. That is, if she's home as well. My oldest (SD) is always on the go.

But! I'm enjoying it.

I cooked a zesty chicken breasts, broccoli cheddar rice and buttered corn the other day and it was a hit. For two out of three. The SD went out with friends again.

Before that it was a taco bake. Two of us again, enjoyed it. But my SD enjoyed it later.

Tonight ... plain ole spaghetti and cheese bread. But I made the sauce yesterday so it sat and got better.

[tpc1977]

SD17 was going with her boyfriend to an NA meeting. They went over to OMs house to meet my W and actually go with her. "It was cool looking," I heard later from SD17. He does have the money and has the taste from what I gather.

One thing God has laid on my heart with my SD was to show her a love like the prodigal son's father. Every time she comes home love her like she was gone for a long time. Not all mushy and needy, but a genuine love that she needs to feel when she comes home.

In the past I would question here whereabouts and be standoffish. I designed a nice wall between me and her that I have to slowly, and with God's help, tear down.

Yesterday before she left to go to the OMs place to meet her mom, I walked over to her and put my arms around her and held her for a bit. I kissed her on the head and told her I loved her and to have a good time. I also told her I would have plates of food ready for each of them when they get back.

What I noticed immediately was that she actually took her arms down from in between us and put them around me. She hardly does that. Actually, she doesn't want to hug too long. Her excuse is that she's not a touchy-feely person and I should respect that. I do. As the same as she should respect a dad needs hugs every so often. So, I'm trying to give more.

Later after they came home and told me how awesome the OMs place was, I watched them both gobble down the food. That was pretty heart warming too. Then it was waiting for my youngest (D13). She went to the movies with friends and at the last minute told me I had to come get her.

Now! In the past I would have jumped through the ceiling. I always wanted a warning ahead of time. I needed to know these things up front. Why? Well ... I just do.

My W hated that about me. I couldn't hit curve balls and it infuriated me. She on the other hand dealt with these types of things delicately and hardly complained.

Through text me and D13 back-and-forthed until I finally got it out of her. I did ask who she went with because I thought it was the neighbor's but it wasn't. Then I was told by SD17 that it was at a mall out of town. So I asked, and fortunately it wasn't.

But I kept thinking, "What would the old guy do?" He would complain and gripe and get on to them. So I wanted to relax and just go no matter where I needed to get her.

I still need a lot of work in this area however. I can tell my initial responses want to be complaints and gripes. Slowly I'm killing that man away.

[tpc1977]

Ok ... this could get interesting.

I just got a text from W:

W: Can you remember the last time we had sex?
Me: What?
W: When was the last time we had sex?
Me:Can I ask why?
W: Just trying to remember when it was.
Me:Tell me why please?
(At this point I'm reeling thinking, Oh man, she's pregnant or has something and this and that.
W: I did tell you why just because I couldn't exactly remember.
Me: Why is this on your mind? Kind of a strange question to ask out of the blue Wouldn't you say? When was the last time we had quiche?

Then the texting stopped.
What the hidey-ho?

[tpc1977]

She said that her and her sister just went off on a conversational tangent and she asked about it. My wife couldn't give an exact, but told her what I told her. The months of separation give or take a few days.

What are y'alls take.

[kml]

Lol - I woulda just asked "Why? You pregnant?"

[Starsky309]

She said that her and her sister just went off on a conversational tangent and she asked about it. My wife couldn't give an exact, but told her what I told her. The months of separation give or take a few days.

What are y'alls take.

My guess would be that there is a legal reason she is trying to determine the date, and you'd be wise not to give it to her in writing.


Starsky

[tpc1977]

I already know the date we can divorce. One year from our separation. Which isn't too many days after us doing "it."

[Starsky309]

I dunno; people in affairs automatically lose about 30 I.Q. points in my experience. Maybe she forgot the last time was so close to your separation date?

Absolute Divorce in North Carolina
In North Carolina absolute divorces are usually obtained based on one year's separation. After you and your spouse have lived separate continuously for one year, without resuming the marital relationship, either of you may obtain an absolute divorce. Attempts at reconciliation marked by isolated instances of sexual intercourse will not automatically end the period of continuous separation. However, instances of sexual intercourse and nights spent together may add to the totality of circumstances sufficient to cause a court to find that you have voluntarily renewed the marital relationship. Should a court so find, the twelve month clock will be reset.