We had a fight which turned ugly as before 2-3 times She hits me with a trash can. I was bleeding, She said leave her alone. Did go to er but said i need to file police complaint, did not, did not want to hurt her job she got that after lot of struggle. I walked out with a suitcase and charger and computers. I took some time it been 8 wks separated. i was desperate 1st week called friends, my parents called her mom, pursuing and she was moving away.
Read DB DR, stopped the chase, was doing LRT, she texts me to take my stuff and get u haul , before that she says she has an officer for safety, then says you wont have officer, tex next week, then i respond to her late 2 wks, was geting my life situated and givnig time ,she texts me when I see my 2 yr in day care saying she know that i visited, so ignored, . I text,call- her mom pick up and hangs up, email her saying i am fine and confident and sane, after 2 wks, when is good time to take my stuff, doesnot respond. Regarding my son, I am seeing him every week now 2 hrs in day care. Yest she send me a letter about physical cruelty and wants D in 90 dys, all i did was restrain her from hurting me. I already filed in 1 st week of S of our fight, but did not serve her as i was waiting to reconcile, after yest I think she wants me out badly.. There is no R now... Constantly blames me for making her angry and act out. Justifies that I make her angry to extant that she get violent. An interpruption in her phone conversation with her mom started this anrgy impulsive fit. Her mom is main negative feedback for about 2 yrs and her best emotional friend. Finances,control, her job loose, Anger, negative pattern of putting me down, low tolerance to problem solve, conflict resolution, she still denys there are better mature ways to handle conflict, all she does is her way or no way tom boyish from childhood and her father left them at her 20s and mom, brother went through lot and have strong negative attitude to men and trust issues They never say or talk about him. He just abandoned them.
The idea of separation was backed by mom since jan, I was struggling with job did not work for 8 mths..was a huge red flag to hurt me and before that with moves from another state as she lost her Job, constantly wanted what she wants and moving us away from NEast were my parents are from as her mom doesnot approve of cold. I was trying to find job we're she had secure job, her job had issues with her they wanted to check her more and the wait was 1 st half of last year, was also with babe new born, was working parttime before her job start in another state,I started working full time from this feb, payed all bills total, as there thing was,he doesn't pay...
We were just recovering and both started seeing money and new fulltime jobs we bought a house although again mom and daugh see a house like and buy, put me out of equation as in jan i did not have a good job, my full time job started feb , what we liked as couple they both just ignored. We had fight on that i did not like thine way she ignore and went on my back.i said its not a shared decision but I will get along. I told her we will live in it if she likes it . So she just payed the down payment went on and wanted me to not come but I compromised,it's better to have a family. Then started paying mortagages for 8 mths until the incident.
Now the new deal was he is not good to my mom, he needs to have chemistry with my mom. I am matter of fact since she was very disrespectful and provocatory in all our interactions since about 2-3 yrs. W email after the intitial infraction was I don't need you come into my house, I will take my mom anytime over you.
And her mom has the best chance to shine now and start the negative count picking all the incidents gold digging from start of our marraige. Her mom is playing it well she moved all her stuff from another city to our house, she is retiring this month. I was happy and accommodating as it would be good for all. There is power politics, control elements in the house and hidden agendas in there house. Not honest all peripheral hush talk, money minded, scarcity mentality. This feb her mom blames me that I have been poisoning her son saying bad things.. Which she back lashes to my parents, we just ignored...I need to let her go, enough attention to mnlaw
My question is, I am moving forward don't see any sign of recovery...my lawyer will talk to hers and we have court date, unfortunate and I am thinking is ther any thing I need to do to save this R, we want to put couselling and therapy and have it go for 1 yr but looks like she wants to knee jerk and get out a 4 yr marriage , 4 mth dating before m.
Although if she is not willing to work, I have to find better things and move on. Sorry it's long
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
Thanks for the reply cadet, is there any thing else I need to do, I need to get my stuff, I will have to go with a common friend with W consent. I need to talk to my lawyer.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Thanks, texted her she responded, went and picked from garage my mail and important stuff at least small changes. She says if I don't take it today u can take after the court date. Again threat based .. I understand... she was not home, just left side door open ..went with our neighbor for witness
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
After the vist I was shattered, spent time with friends spoke to parents ... Tears were rolling and a heavy feeling that I am losing her, they just come in waves, just random thoughts and I just miss them... Could someone tell me how to make this process bearable, it despair and grief
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Thanks for the reply cadet, is there any thing else I need to do, I need to get my stuff, I will have to go with a common friend with W consent. I need to talk to my lawyer.
Thanks, texted her she responded, went and picked from garage my mail and important stuff at least small changes. She says if I don't take it today u can take after the court date. Again threat based .. I understand... she was not home, just left side door open ..went with our neighbor for witness
After the vist I was shattered, spent time with friends spoke to parents ... Tears were rolling and a heavy feeling that I am losing her, they just come in waves, just random thoughts and I just miss them... Could someone tell me how to make this process bearable, it despair and grief
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Got busy with work doing over time, meeting with new friends, going out to birthday parties in social settings, working out regularly,clubbing and dancing, visiting new places, studying in b and noble about this D process, reading DB,DR. Visiting parents and sister in another sate atleast once a month, starting ground work for my own new business, which I always wanted to do, be my own boss...
But this is like waves suddenly I feel lost and I have to kind of reorient my self, I have lot of free time now, I am constantly networking to plan my start up business.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
