know several that pushed off immediately and now express possible doubt about being sooooo hasty. our society sure "demands" a certain type of action/reaction from us doesn't it?
Yes, it does.
That is the beauty of doing it differently, you learn to listen to yourself and decide what YOU want, not what "they" think you should want.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
oddly - i can buck the norm- what i can't seem to do is know what i want anymore from this r or this man. i honestly do not know. i hate ANYONE telling me what to do- but knowledge about what specifically i want from him & future has not come to me. yet - - - i sure hope it does in the end. only my vague, usual "wanna feel happy" . how to achieve that? anyone's guess...
Hey Nero, your new thread is fine. Now go into the 1st page of your last thread and copy the URL address: example www.divorcebusting.com/forum.............and all the rest it says. Past it to a post here and now people can read some of the older stuff.
sooo- it's such a beautiful beautiful fall morning. just got home to a message on the phone- h - what the??? he's usually really out of touch when he's in fl. He may be entering a new phase...he is reaching out a little though, think about how your going to handle anything he may say. You still may be his safe place to return to, my H calls it a connection as says it's a good thing.
your h sounds like he is seriously "committed" to you and m and family in his own wierd way. I know, it's very unsettling because he's not enough for me (as is) but I can't shake him either. I know this will either end by me or I feel it may linger foreverrrrr. He's committed but with half a foot out the door
you think he can even imagine you not "being there" in his life? probably not- I don't think so but I know he is willing to sacrifice that (at least when he's manic) he is the type that could live life in regret. But, ultimately no he doesn't "want" me out of his life, but he won't do anything to prevent it.
i become all self sufficient($$) and that makes me less conciliatory - OR - the big OR , IF I meet someone and begin to see a different life with dxifferent people. any one would spell THE END in no uncertain terms. That's it we need a life with different people because this one is so lonely. That's what they don't get it's the loneliness that's going to turn us, going to make us look elsewhere for a smile, a look, a touch, how long do they think we can sit cold and alone.
In your last post you said it was the loneliness was the worst...your right at the end of the day it is us in our rooms, on the couch, in front of the stupid tv, alone. No hugs, no soft touch, no laughter, no gesture of hot tea, no stinking thing at all. I'm sick of myself already.
I can GAL all day....but in the end we still face that were alone without love. That is going to be my downfall. That is why I sometimes cry to him...and he's home...and I'm lonely. But, ultimately that's going to be why I stray...I can see myself longing for conversation (mutual - not me coddling him and his only interests) I long for face to face, for a gesture of sweetness.
Come on were women were not to be put on a shelf. I'm not seeking anything but I wouldn't shy from it anymore. I just wouldn't to cheat - but hey emotions being met, would that make me in an ea sitch. Who knows...I don't really care either. After all it is basic human necessity.
I don't know, I feel it every day, even in the mists of everyone being home. They all have their sweeties and I look at them and can't believe there made of HIM! They have their lives, he has his ea, best friend aka depression, and I have his fallout and their attention when it's convenient.
Can you guess I'm home alone right now!
No, I wouldn't want to sub teach I don't really like kids very much, I like to give them back quick or let them get away with everything. Every year I make a few bucks doing taxes for the teens around here. I should just take the stupid course and do taxes in an office.
You certainly do a lot of projects and are keeping busy. You sound so much more productive than I. I like the idea of your mailbox, sound pretty.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
In your last post you said it was the loneliness was the worst...your right at the end of the day it is us in our rooms, on the couch, in front of the stupid tv, alone. No hugs, no soft touch, no laughter, no gesture of hot tea, no stinking thing at all. I'm sick of myself already.
I can GAL all day....but in the end we still face that were alone without love. That is going to be my downfall. That is why I sometimes cry to him...and he's home...and I'm lonely. But, ultimately that's going to be why I stray...I can see myself longing for conversation (mutual - not me coddling him and his only interests) I long for face to face, for a gesture of sweetness.
You put into words exactly how each and every night has been for the past nine months since H moved out. In fact, I think it was this way for some months before he left too.
I reach out to friends mostly via text to help with the loneliness and I'm trying to have people over more, especially in the evening and on weekends. Seems to help. Right now all men seem like Lucifer in disguise so I'm not looking for any comfort from one--but the need to connect with someone and feel nurtured, loved, understood is still there. Not sure how to duplicate that?
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
holy crow heather- you just described my feelings EXACTLY. IT'S PItiful isn't it?
it's the darn memory(ies) of what it feels like to be valued & "special" that make it soooooo unimaginable to spend the rest of eternity feeling sooooooo "NOT", now.
what the heck is a girl to do - feel - think - ??????? it's sad and scary (and weirdly comforting) to hear someone describe 3exactly what is in my heart-gut - dawnmarie too- i push back my chair and don't know whether to laugh or cry-
oh man- do you guys think that in a lifetime every person goes thru something this awful and gut wrenching- of some variety - ???
my girlfriend told me a story yesterday about her neice's boyfriend (a troubled & jealous man) shooting himself in the head six inches from her face after saying "look what you've brought me to do" - bam. i keep thinking about this mentally disturbed man doing it- and my horror and thinking how fortunate for her that he merely wanted to kill himself - and not her. it's soooowierd i can't believe it's something in the life of a person i know - and feels kind of close to home.
got me wondering about the "personal tragedies" of people.
Right now all men seem like Lucifer in disguise so I'm not looking for any comfort from one--but the need to connect with someone and feel nurtured, loved, understood is still there. Not sure how to duplicate that?
oh man- me too. i flip and flop over just getting a puppy- boy, do i ever have commitment issues of my own or what?
i like your description tho- makes me feel better about my own revulsion and paranoia about men. i've never even thought of stuff like this in 61 years - til now.
i know- me too. i am determined not to stay down tho- i may be a slug and very very lazy about jumping into giant life changes and being all "back up and running". - "prudence" would be a perfect middle name for me.
BUT SO, shoot me. you too- no one is going to take away our birthday for not becoming "cured" faster. it's just (i guess) the way it is. grief- loss - we're still probably lot better off than most because at least if nothing else- we've found this place to share the junk & misery and if i'm sure of one thing in life (and it might only be that one thing) i think dark thoughts and feelings are ALWAYS better out than in. the whole keeping stuff like this only in your own mind - i'd say is a good ticket to crazy-ville. (well, or alcohol land or drugs central) - somewhere bad.
will be back later- have alot of comments to your last post- but am a bit buggie and edgie and need to go burn off this caffein before i can sit still and "chat". hope your morning is excelltn.
i wanted to comment one bit about the positive-ness of your c saying that your h could definitely be helped to go back to person was and should be by drugs. can't imagine how to make it happen- but seems hopeful to have someone "offic8ial" opine that he might be in there if you could extricate him. xxo
