It's None of my Business

[BeingMe]

I will phone ... it's in Africa, so not expecting it to come quickly ...

I will indeed take time for myself. Tonight is the Astronomy Club Christmas dinner. Should be interesting. It's my first.

Gad! I'm such a nerd.

[job]

How was the Christmas dinner? Did you enjoy yourself?

[BeingMe]

I had a blast, Snodderly. Thanks for checking. I even connected with one of the member's wife, so perhaps a new friend? We'll see. This is what I need now, getting out there and meeting people, even women who could be future friends. I had a thing with my author group too. So many more people joining, which is great for me.

H came home on Friday night, and we had a get together with friends of ours. The woman of the couple asked me, in front of H, why don't I go with him on his travels (she is the one that keeps telling me we should stay together). So, I said to her 1. it's not the best of places H goes to (mines in far begotten places) 2. we're getting a divorce 3. he wouldn't want me to go, anyway. H was silent. And I said, "there you go, that means a yes." H said nothing, and friend let it go. I'm getting so frustrated with her (she means well), but it's not me that wants to be divorced (I'm just the one with the b#lls to actually go through with it). I drove H to the airport this morning for his next 2 week trip. He gave me a big hug and a kiss when he said goodbye. I don't know what's on his mind, but I am going through with the divorce. I can never trust him again. I've put my time in, and now I want to live without all the angst and eggshells.

So, there ya go.

[job]

The woman that keeps telling you that you should stay together needs to zip it. She's not walking in your shoes and I'm sure if the situation had been in her court, she would have done something very similiar to what you are doing.

BeingMe, you have to do what is right for you. I hear you on living your life w/o the angst and eggshells. You owe it to yourself to have fun and live your life to the fullest your way.

[BeingMe]

I keep telling her. Hopefully, she'll stop now, since she could see my H's disinterest while telling her the reasons I'm getting the divorce. She's one of the few friends I have here since moving 7 years ago so it's not like I want to avoid her. I'm going to need all the support I can get next year.

[job]

I understand what you are saying. I hope she will get the message from your h's disinterest. She's only trying to help, but doesn't really understand what you have been going through and continue to go through. Maybe the best way to handle the conversations is to just change the subject.

[WCW]

BM, in America there is an Injured Spouse rule with the IRS and you can claim a portion of tax refunds even if your spouse screwed up. Yes, I have used it so I know.

Chin up, eyes on the horizon.

[BeingMe]

Thanks for your comments and advice, S and WCW. I will definitely look into that Tax issue.

New development ... I've found my marriage certificate! Yay! I will take it to my lawyer tomorrow before I lose it again. I asked H if I could take $2000 out of the account to pay the lawyer and he said yes. So, my D is starting a shift forward again. I am quite nervous about next year ... it's going to be difficult to extricate myself from H's financial affairs, get the alimony paid automatically, house sold ... so much to do, but I'm excited. Not sure what to do about the condo. A friend of mine whose husband is friends with my H told me that he (friend's husband) said that I'm a thousand times better than OW. Well, I know that. I'm curious to know who she is, but I'm going to let it go. No point in wondering who this OW or OW's is/are, or how long it's been going on. H was clear that it wasn't my business ... I beg to differ, while we are married, but once we are divorced, then, yes, none of my business. H is scr*wed up, and whoever he dates, I hope they're better for him than I was.

[job]

I'm glad to come here and see that you found your marriage certificate. Sounds like you are on your way. The next year is going to be a busy year for you, but you can handle it.

Some day, you will stumble across information about the ow and it will not matter one hoot to you. Sometimes, God doesn't put all of the information in our laps until we are well on on way w/our own lives, separate from the mlcers.

Yes, you are far better than the ow because you believe in the scared marriage vows and honored them throughout the entire time. You handled your situation w/dignity and grace and should be very proud of yourself.

[BeingMe]

I haven't been out since Sunday night ... snowstorm, and it's all iced up now. So, I'll do my errands when it clears up a bit. I have to go to City Hall as well, so I'll try and get everything done at once, including the lawyer. H returns on Friday. I don't even want to see him since finding out about the so-called OW. I just want to get this divorce done, but more importantly, I want the stuff that connects me to him (excluding kids and alimony, of course) over, sold, given away if necessary. I want my independence, and I don't want anything to do with him ... for a time.