Rough night last night. I was basically in the bed all day yesterday sick. I go through the living room on my way to the kitchen around 5 pm and my H asks to talk to me. He tells me that he's got a contact for an interview for a job in NC, and he plans on calling his parents and talking to them about moving back home THIS WEEK - as in tomorrow or Wednesday.
Needless to say this came as a shock since he had previously told me that he would not move until he found a job. I asked him why the rush to move. He says he needs a new environment and maybe that will provide some clarity. I'm going to be honest and tell you that I didn't validate his feelings at all. For the first time in a long time, I called him on all his BS...in a loving, nice way, of course. LOL
I told him that I feel like he's running from something and whatever that is, it's not my fault, I'm paying the price for it. He keeps repeated the same thing over and over again: He's tried all he can. He doesn't want to be married to me - but he still loves me.
He did finally admit that he is scared to open his heart back up to me. We cried alot, held each other, cried some more. I did tell him that I still wasn't ready to give up on us, but I couldn't stop him from moving. I told him that even if we didn't make it, he still would have to open his heart enough to forgive me for what he thinks I've done to him, and to forgive himself for the things he's done. I told him that I believe that he thinks we can't get past the infidelity. He said I am definitely a bigger person for forgiving him for that, when he can't seem to forgive me.
It was all very strange. I could tell during the conversation, that he was struggling with wanting to stay and wanting to go. It's as if he has his priniciples, and won't back down from them, even if he knows it could be good. He did say that if we ever stand a chance, he needs to do this. There was a lot more said, but I can't think of it all now. He came to bed last night and held me like he hadn't in months. And we held each other this morning before I left for work. It's all very crazy.
I know I'll be okay, but today is just not a good day. I just want to bury my head under the covers and never come out again. I knew this day would come, and it would hurt. And it does. I know I'm not the first person to go through this, and I won't be the last. But I'm going to be honest...THIS [censored]!
I also wrote him a LONG letter last night letting it all out, and left it for him to read today. I told him some things he never knew about me. Explained some of the reasons I am the way I am. Not hoping it will change his mind, but for my own peace of mind, I needed to write it. Now I can say...I've done all I can.
I've been thinking, I'm not sure once he leaves, I'll want him back. I mean he'll be the one who left. If I'm not worth it to fight for now, I will be later?
Hi Ro, I'm so sorry. (((((ro)))) I know this isn't what you want, but it might be a very good thing for him to end this limbo. You've done so much. You're so much better at managing your anger, and you've been great with him. He's got to do something different to figure his head out. It's that old saw If you love something set it free. I really hope he comes back to you, but either way you can get on with your life and stop wondering when the shoe's going to drop. ((((hugs)))
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I can relate completely to how you are feeling today.
It does hurt and it does sukk immensely. Unfortunately, the only way to the other side of this hell, is right thru it. It will probably get more difficult before it gets better, BUT this move might be exactly what is needed for your H to realize what he has in you.
I do not know if you are familiar with my sitch, but my W moved 1100 miles away and I later had to send our children to her. My sitch did not turn around until about 5 months after I had completely detached and was moving on with my life.
Continue with your personal growth and making the best of the hand you have been dealt, good things will come your way. I have no doubt about that.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
If I'm honest, I could use a break from all of this. I know he needs to figure out what he wants. And that's going to require time. I also need to figure out if this is what I want at any point in the future.
I just really thought we could get past this in one piece. I know now that we can't. Gotta find a way to move on.
I am still not feeling well, and I couldn't concentrate at work, so I came home to try to get some rest. Guess who was in the bed with a headache and stomache when I got home?
I started to go take a nap on the couch, but then I thought it's my bed. If he doesn't like it he can go sleep somewhere else. He didn't move. If anything, he scooted closer to me. I kept my hands to myself and just turned the other way.
I have to keep in my mind that this is what he wants & me wrapping my arms around here isn't going to help.
The closer it gets to him leaving, the angrier I get. I know he needs to figure some things out. He even said he would think about our relationship and the pissibility of us staying together. He is still saying he doesn't know who he is and he needs to get his life back on track.
I was honest and told him that I didn't think our M would survive him leaving. Me getting over him choosing to leave is something I really can't see right now.
And of course we can still talk everyday and tell each other I love you. Yes, because that's exactly what you do when you leave your wife. He's nuts!
I wonder if he'll sleep in bed with me tonight or on the couch. So much craziness...
I just read all of your threads, well most of it anyway, that took a while:) It's ok I have lots of free time. Anyway, I thought I would pose an interesting question. I am in no way qualified to give advice especially in my situation, but I read a quote the other day that rang home with me.
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'"
Which camp are you in?
Me - 32 Wife - 31 No kids Married - 3 Together - 6 "I need space" - July 2012 Bomb/Presence of OM - August 2012 Separation - September 2012
I just read all of your threads, well most of it anyway, that took a while:) It's ok I have lots of free time. Anyway, I thought I would pose an interesting question. I am in no way qualified to give advice especially in my situation, but I read a quote the other day that rang home with me.
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'"
Which camp are you in?
I will admit that in the beginning it was probably the immature kind. Now I know it's the mature kind. It hurts much worse.
