In times of a D venting is something I feel I need to do. I had a talk with my sister and she told me everyone could see my M would eventually end in a D. Then she told me it was my fault. She told me I should have been more aggressive in my M. She told me I should of made vacation plans and went without her. She told I should of yelled at my w and violate my D's trust when I found they were going out of state for New Years. The damage was already done. My D knew it was wrong to keep a secret like that from me. She was so worried after she told me. Her aunt told her if I knew about her vacation plans my D wouldn't have been able to go.
I thought I could depend of my sister to listen to me vent. Instead that little bit of comfort I had about this entire D'ing mess was gone.
Either way I have no choice my w still wants a D
Sorry I guess I wasn't as good as a DB'er as I thought. I'll be happy to give advice to those who want to hear it. It won't bother me if you take it
What is it that makes your sister think you had a choice in all of this? Why is it up to you to yell and scream and be aggressive with your ex? If that's not who you are or what you're about, what would that have accomplished?
I think your sister is wrong. I think this is your W's choice and her's alone. I think you did what you knew to do and that's how it goes. There isn't any more should have or would have that would make a difference.
I can tell you from my experience, having done many of those things on both sides, that it makes no difference if you're a raging animal or nice as pie - can't make 'em do anything they don't want to do. If you could, you wouldn't want them in your life most likely
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I witnessed my dad beat my mom. It is not a pretty site to be so young and powerless. Many times I wanted to yell scream and raise my fists to my w. Instead I remembered what my dad did and quickly got away from my wife. Maybe she thought I was running away. With time I took the crap that came my way calmly and with understanding
My sis didn't want anything to do with my dad but she wanted me to act like him
Understand that your sister is dealing with things in her own way. That's ok. Her opinions are just that. Her opinions.
You are the man you are supposed to be, right? Not what others wanted, but what you are supposed to be.
I have zero respect for a man that hits a person to get their way. I've seen it. I've lived it professionally. I've lived with the emotional and psyhological abuse that others have imposed. I have zero respect for that and zero tolerance.
Why? Because I know it is the easy way out for those people as a way to express themselves. They are not capable of maturity in my estimation. They are not capable of showing God's love, hence they are unable to receive it when you see that.
I'm a man who doesn't beat his loved ones. I'm a man who doesn't play mind games, although I'm very well proven and capable of both. I choose not to, and those that don't understand... well, they don't understand and they are welcome to their opinion. I'm strong enough to take the criticisms as well.
What I've found is that they figure it out later. Much later. I see no reason to stick around while they catch up. I have a life to live. And so do you, Fixer.
Stand up for your actions. You chose to do the things you did. Remember that and remember that you did not choose the easy way out as many in your position would. I bet you would be told you did the wrong things if you had chosen that too.
For many it is easy to talk the talk. Very few can walk the walk. You can. You have.
Now stand up for you and know you did what you could with what you had. Shake that off, understand that you love your ex, and she doesn't return that. That's ok. Let that be what it is and walk away. Like the man you are. Admit that when it's it, it's it. You will not put any more into ex. Her loss and her choice, my man. Very sad indeed. Not what you wanted of course. But there is no more for you to do and somebody out there is missing you because you are not done with ex. That's the tragedy in the whole thing, if you ask me.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
My future ex and I lived in the same house. We get along okay but she still the same when it comes to working on our communications. This skill will be needed more than ever especially when it comes to dealing with our D15.
Last week our D had a session with her councelor. Most of the session was with my future ex while our D sat in the waiting room. My turn will be soon and all I can say is I'm trying. From past MC sessions I can say i am usually the one who wasn't afraid to voice my feelings. With my Ds councelor I'm afraid. Maybe b/c we have a good relationship with each other I don't want to screw it up
You won't screw it up. Just be you dude. Be the dad that you have been through out this.
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From past MC sessions I can say i am usually the one who wasn't afraid to voice my feelings.
Your past does not define your future. It is okay to speak your mind Fixer. It is okay to ask for what you want. It is okay to give your opinion on what YOU feel is best for YOU and your D.
Fixer...regardless of what happens...I have a lot of respect for you. Good luck man and please...hold your head up high brother! Not many could have done what you have done!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
My wife and I have an appointment with our lawyers in a few days. My hunch is I will be giving her a lot but not getting much in return. She has very bad credit and I would like to purchase our house while mortgage prices are still low. She's not budging on this one. Since I only have one child, our D would inherit the house in the future. Well everyday interest rates increase and my chances of getting the house are worse.
Why is she doing this... If the house goes on the market then she will lose out on a lot of money. Just venting, it use to be my trust ment something to her. I think this hurts the most while our M slowly dissolves. To be treated as some type of scam artist. When she knows that keeping my promises is very important to me.
