Ultramarathon finish line or hallucinations?

[OneLessWife]

Hey there JB, I have been following you since the beginning of your sitch. I have enjoyed your changes along with everyone else. I do believe that you have positioned yourself to be a great man and father which ever way you end up. I had a friend here in Va that got a D. His ex out of nowhere wanted to move to Northern Virginia. She then demanded that my friend come up there to see his three kids. He took her to court and the judge told her you wanted to move, then you will drive to where your ex is. So there are judges that will not tolerate this kind of behavior. My friend had to buy a travel trailer and he out of the kindness of his heart camp near his kids every other weekend as to not disrupt them to much. All I am saying is as far as you have come maybe you need to tighten up on this issue for you. Be well. Scott

[jbnati]

We weren't together near long enough for her to get half of my retirement, but when she proposed I dip into retirement savings to give her the money she initially wanted, I about went through the roof. That's where talking with the lawyer was worth the small amount it had cost me (we never went to court, but on this issue I was prepared to). It's definitely frustrating.

Believe me, I understand. We may have been more than willing to help them out at one time, but there has to be boundaries now on what we're willing to do and what's a reasonable request.

Reading your reply to JustStunned, I'm reminded by a post from Michele herself - I'll paraphrase it because I forget exactly where I saw it: if you still have to wonder whether or not you're done, then you're not done.

I'd say I'm ready to get out the fork. However, the only thing I can say right now without a doubt is that I'm ready to take the next step in dissolving the M. My W has dug herself a pretty deep hole and there's been no signs of momentum shift.

[jbnati]

OLW, thanks for stopping by.

Yes, that's very interesting. During my research project last week with Ls, I understand this is something that can be litigated. I realize I would have to live with any decision made now for at least 5 years. I am very tempted to dig my heels in a bit on this, but I also think I may be willing to flex somewhat on this if we can resolve some other sticking points.

[jbnati]

There was more drama yesterday.

However, I'll start with good stuff. I had my S this weekend. Friday night we went to Kings Island for a couple hours. Saturday, we slept like teenagers. I took my S to a Reds game in the evening. Sunday morning I got up and burned off a 8.7 mile ride. We went to church on Sunday morning and went to Kings Island again last night. This morning I ran 3 miles. Tonight I have a softball game.

So yesterday afternoon, I texted my W asking her if she would like to meet at Starbucks to discuss some sticking points. She agreed later in the day and we met. We started off with small talk and eased into discussing the sticking points. I think as far as the driving, we both had suggestions on being somewhat flexible. So that was good - we were able to brainstorm a bit.

Then we got into some of my major sticking points and the conversation got uncomfortable. I ask her what she thought about putting a clause in the D about restricting overnight visitors when we have our S. We are NOT in agreement at all on how appropriate or inappropriate it is. Some of you that didn't see in the previous thread - about a month ago I had to pick up my S in the middle of the night when he saw something he shouldn't have. From her perspective, or at least what she says (and it COULD all be alien spew), it's no different than when her brother walked in our her parents. From my perspective, it's totally inappropriate for that to even be a possibility. During the conversation, I also mentioned I didn't feel it was appropriate for her to have OM of the week with her when she picked up or dropped off my S. Anyway, that conversation did not end well. She got and left. I expected it. I was coming at it from the perspective of going to bat for my S. I did feel I needed to make it clear where I stood. I am less concerned with being right or wrong or the fact there's a OM in the picture. The latter just makes it easier to drop the rope. All I can say is it was very therapeutic to go to Kings Island and ride the Drop Tower a couple times with my S.

I may have been out of line last night, but I asked my S last night if the OM had a job or had a car. Survey says: no to both. Actually, it's what I thought.

[NTX_Dad]

The morality clause is very common in Texas. I don't think I would have even brought it up, just let the attorney put it in there when/if the papers are drawn up. Then if she wants to make a stink about it, she'll look "bad".

[ncl]

NTX just took the words out of my post. The clause was also included in our papers. I think you are completely justified in standing firm about no overnight guests of the opposite sex when your son is there. There are enough other nights in the week that she can have om over, and you would think she would want to focus 100% on your son on the nights that she has him.

NTX has a good suggestion to just ask your attorney to put it in the papers, and let her be the one to bring it up. Don't waste your time arguing with her. And remember to allow your attorney to be the "bad guy" about the difficult matters you do not agree on. As my attorney told me, that is what I paid him the big bucks for.

You continue to handle yourself as a perfect gentleman throughout this journey. I cannot imagine how many people must be scratching their heads at your wife's choice. Hang in there! ncl

[Rick1963]

JB let her go. Buddy let her go and be happy. It has done a world of good for me to let go and move on. My life is so exiting right now. You know you see it. I changed most of the bills into my name and I asked ex to help. I don't know if she is happy or not. I just want to make me and D happy. I'm getting there. Stop fighting the divorce and let her have it. I don't say that lightly but you fought a good fight brother. Stop fighting it and prolonging the pain. And yes u were out of line. Don't ask son chit about OM. U are better than that. God bless

[jbnati]

NTX, since we're working on a dissolution, we pretty much have to agree on everything to get it done. However, this may be worth including even if we have to a D.

I think what you suggested was a pretty solid plan. However, I've already spilled the beans and I did feel the need to at least be up front about it.

[jbnati]

I think you are completely justified in standing firm about no overnight guests of the opposite sex when your son is there.

Yes! Thank you very much!

you would think she would want to focus 100% on your son on the nights that she has him.

Yes, you would think that. However, even we were still together, she had a hard time spending time with him, just one on one. I was grateful for the times they did actually do something together.

NTX has a good suggestion to just ask your attorney to put it in the papers, and let her be the one to bring it up. Don't waste your time arguing with her. And remember to allow your attorney to be the "bad guy" about the difficult matters you do not agree on. As my attorney told me, that is what I paid him the big bucks for.

That's pretty much where I am at now. You can see what introducing the topic did for me. ^^^ I think this sounds like a good plan now.

You continue to handle yourself as a perfect gentleman throughout this journey. I cannot imagine how many people must be scratching their heads at your wife's choice. Hang in there! ncl

Thanks ncl!!

[jbnati]

Ahh Rick, this is just a decreasing slice of my life that sux right now. The other parts are better than ever. I think as I said earlier, I'm definitely ready to take this next step toward the D. She's not giving me anything to work with - it's quite the opposite. If she shifts the momentum, my thoughts my change. However, I'm really not seeing a momentum shift.

I think the OM questions were more out of curiosity. Yeah they were probably a little out of line, but I didn't belabor them. I'm also concerned about the environment my S is in when he's over there, and I think I have a right to be concerned.