"Until she shows an ounce of regret for what she did to her marriage and family there should not be any sleepovers rated G or otherwise."
She has. She has told me many times how it was not the right thing to do. She has told me how she should have handled it differently. How she should have directly talked to me when she was feeling that way instead of using hints and then going outside the M.
She has said this to me in front of her family.
She knows the damage she is doing. Unfortunately it isn't a switch than can be instantly turned off. Progress has been made. When this first happened, she couldn't look her father in the eye. As we have progressed, she is rebuilding the relationship with her family. Her mother did the same thing to her father with no regrets, only anger. My W is afraid of becoming her mother.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
I will also attempt to scale back the kissing and hand holding, along with the decrease in time we spend together.
I have only been doing that as a reminder that I am not going to simply be her best friend, that I want more. I know it isn't going to get far and I would definitely try to put on the brakes if it did. (Hopefully)
Fear is that if I stop trying, then she will only see me as a friend and co-parent.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
I will also attempt to scale back the kissing and hand holding, along with the decrease in time we spend together.
I have only been doing that as a reminder that I am not going to simply be her best friend, that I want more. I know it isn't going to get far and I would definitely try to put on the brakes if it did. (Hopefully)
Fear is that if I stop trying, then she will only see me as a friend and co-parent.
NO.
"W, I have thought about it and being a friend of yours is not working for me. Friends don't treat their friends the way you have."
Be a cordial coparent. She is not going away from that life for a long time. Use your cards wisely or you just become a "friend" and never more than that.
Even if the OM wasn't around, or ever existed, I do not see this ending for quite some time.
WAW, MLC, whatever.
I have chosen (perhaps in error) to take the focus off the OM and see it for the confusion that she is in. This is her journey. I have tried to guide her with the dates/trips, but it isn't my journey.
The correct answer is to do some of what people are suggesting.
Just be the lighthouse for her lost ship.
I might be stubborn and hard-headed, but by talking things out, I usually get to the point where I understand. That is just my personality. I like to throw out lots of scenarios and try to see where they lead before I finally arrive at the best option.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
"Until she shows an ounce of regret for what she did to her marriage and family there should not be any sleepovers rated G or otherwise."
She has. She has told me many times how it was not the right thing to do. She has told me how she should have handled it differently. How she should have directly talked to me when she was feeling that way instead of using hints and then going outside the M.
She has said this to me in front of her family.
She knows the damage she is doing. Unfortunately it isn't a switch than can be instantly turned off. Progress has been made. When this first happened, she couldn't look her father in the eye. As we have progressed, she is rebuilding the relationship with her family. Her mother did the same thing to her father with no regrets, only anger. My W is afraid of becoming her mother.
Actions speak louder than words.
Perhaps her losing the job and OM are related.
Personally I think the whole dinner and sleep over was to make sure Plan B ( you ) was still there.
If you had cancelled dinner or ended it after dinner then I think she would have been a little more determined to make sure Plan B was still there.
I also think your confusing regret with guilt of being found out and guilt of what others think of her.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Even if the OM wasn't around, or ever existed, I do not see this ending for quite some time.
WAW, MLC, whatever.
I have chosen (perhaps in error) to take the focus off the OM and see it for the confusion that she is in. This is her journey. I have tried to guide her with the dates/trips, but it isn't my journey.
The correct answer is to do some of what people are suggesting.
Just be the lighthouse for her lost ship.
I might be stubborn and hard-headed, but by talking things out, I usually get to the point where I understand. That is just my personality. I like to throw out lots of scenarios and try to see where they lead before I finally arrive at the best option.
Lighthouses are obsolete buildings often in inaccessible locations.
Better to be an Air Traffic Control Tower.
If you want to read a possible outcome stitch to yours go look up betheman.
Look at his mistakes.
Look at how he justified his mistakes.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I see you've been getting some EXCEPETIONAL advice while I was gone at my daughter's wedding.
I also see that you're not only following very little of it, you're pretty much just defending your own actions and strategy, which -- at least from my view -- haven't been working.
I see so much of myself in you, it's scary. Like you, I had an answer for everything. For EVERYTHING. And I was wrong.
People that I thought were being dikks and a-holes to me, were actually right. Eventually, I saw it, but it wasn't until it was DAMNED near too late for me. I hope you'll open your eyes much sooner than I did.
