H announce at the beginning of January that he was done – we were incompatible. Found out a week later about OW. Found DB not too long after that.
H was supposed to move out at the beginning of March. He didn’t. We have R conversation in April, and he says he still wants out, but doesn't go anywhere. H has knee surgery in May and I play nursemaid. As far as I know he has made no plans to move out.
We had a R talk last week, and H still doesn’t want to try. I ask him why he’s still here. He says something about making sure all of the bills were caught up before he left and he wanted to save some money to move with. I told him I understood he was where he was, but I was not there yet, and still believed we could make this work, but I couldn’t stop him from leaving.
During these past 6 months, we’ve hung out together, ML more than in the past 2 years combined, and basically continued to be married. I am not sure if OW is out of the picture completely, but I as far as I know he hasn’t seen her since February. They were still talking every day, though, according to him a few weeks ago. Then last week during our R talk, I asked him if he still planned to move with her (I’m not sure if he knew that I knew this was the plan or not). He gives me this look and says, “Things have changed with that.” What does that mean???
He still tells me he loves me every day. Gives me hugs and kisses without me having to ask for it. He takes care of me when I’m sick, buys/cooks food for me, and last night helped me do my laundry because I was having back pain. But still says he wants to leave.
I go through spurts where I feel like I need to DO something, but I have some good friends who talk me off that ledge most of the time. So…I’m just going to keep DBing and get my own life together. That includes getting back to working out, and doing more stuff for me. If I’m honest, I think I am also subconsciously preparing myself emotionally for his departure. How does one balance that with still trying to save their M?
H went out with some guys from his old job last night. A guy showed up with the group that is always rude to him. The guy was still rude last night and said something offensive to H. H ends up grabbing the guy by his collar then starts choking him. They have to pull H off the guy and he was asked to leave by the waiter.
H doesn't really remember any of this. He says he wasn't drinking and he didn't look like he had been when he got home. (He called me on his way home.) I know he's been emotional with the knee surgery & recovery going so slow, and with the passing of his aunt. But I've never seen him like that and have never heard him say he's acted like that before. He did say he was embarassed that he let himself get that angry.
We're supposed to be hanging out today since he decided we were not going to the family gathering earlier yesterday. (Family drama) He's out getting breakfast for us now. I'm just going with the flow at this point. I told some friends that I think he might be cracking up. LOL
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I know. But the only thing I can do is stand by and watch. There's not much I can do buy be here when he wants to talk, and let it all out. I'm hoping this was an isolated incident.
I would also consider, if you can, holding a pic of him in your mind and sending him love and acceptance when you think of it. This is a simple, constructive thing you can do to help.
I would also consider, if you can, holding a pic of him in your mind and sending him love and acceptance when you think of it. This is a simple, constructive thing you can do to help.
I like this. I've been trying to do this, but should probably focus more on it. Today he's acting like nothing happened, and I haven't mentioned it. I think he's too busy acting like we are happily married. LOL
Nothing doing over here. I have started playing my Xbox Kinect again, but can't do much. I’ve been having more back issues lately, and have been just laying around at home mostly, which s&cks. I’m planning some trips out of town soon, and I’m excited about that. I’m going to the beach both times so it’ll be nice to get away and just relax.
My H has still being helpful, and what appears to be caring and concerned about me with all the back stuff. I know not to read too much into this. It just gets so strange to think we are acting like a perfectly happy married couple. A loving, happily married couple. It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
He hasn’t been sleeping all that well since the incident Friday night. We haven’t talked about it again, but he did mention the other day that he was up thinking about what happened. He and his mother also go into it about us not going to the family gathering because he’s upset with one of his cousins. He told me she asked him what he wanted the cousin to do to make up for what he deems as wrong doing. He said he didn’t know. (I feel the same way about our M. Right now he doesn't know of a way to make "us" better, so he'd rather there just not be an "us") He just seems really angry at certain things right now. And while I will admit, he doesn’t seem outwardly angry at me, it worries me to think how much worse it’s going to get before it gets better.
Since my H has been laid off, he’s been in cleaning mode. He mentioned the other day that he wanted to get into our storage room while it was not so hot and get it cleaned out. Of course my first thought was that he was doing this to go through his stuff in preparation for his move. But I didn’t say this to him, although I did want to ask. I just told myself that at least the storage room would be clean and I wouldn’t have to do it.
He told me today that he is planning to start cleaning out our 2nd bedroom (really a storage room/guest bedroom) next week. I said “Wow, you’ve really been in a cleaning mood.” He said, “Well, I have the time, so I might as well do it now. It gets tiring spending all day on the computer looking for a job.” I just said okay and that I appreciated him doing it.
Again, I got a pain in my gut thinking this is about his preparation to move, but I didn’t say anything this time either. If he moves he moves. I don’t want him to, but I can’t control whether he does or not. It hurts every time I think about it, but it is what it is. Eventually the pain will go away. I’m only doing what I can do right now. And that’s trying to be loving and caring to someone is so clearly very lost.
What about doing something for him for cleaning out the storage rooms...or asking if he wants help...
is this something you could do together (like memory lane kind of stuff??)
or show appreciation for having him clean it out, like make him his favorite dessert or a picnic supper or maybe something you used to do when you were dating (favorite spot to eat out or something)
