I'm new and need HELP

[snowangel]

My husband of 38 years left on March 17th of this year. I have been going through pain like I never believed possible. We have talked several times since he left and he is set on staying apart and getting a divorce. My whole being is saying NO NO NO - this is wrong, it can't be happening, I love him and I know he loves me. I have read both DB and DR and with relief began to implement the LRT. My problem is that I have no patience, especially since my heart is hurting so badly. I miss him so desperately, I feel like I'm going to either suffocate or explode. I will be able to sustain the feeling of hopefulness for several days, and then I will lose it and feel like curling up in a ball of pain and just crying/dying.
I need some helpful suggestions for just getting through each day, especially the ordinary painful days when I feel like I cannot even breathe.

[dbmod]

Hi snowangel -


I greatly apologize for the time it has taken to approve your post, it is not a normal timemframe, we look for 24-48 hours.

I completely understand the need to suffocate or explode, and yet doing the opposite of suffocating is the right thing to do.

Of course, exploding, literally, won't help. But... venting for a time or intermittently ...does help somewhat.

I'm glad you've found DB/DR.


So let's start talking solutions.


38 years is a very long time....as you know...an amount of time most of our DBers would love to have. So in order to help....


What's going well NOW?


What USED TO go well?



(focus on the good)





and...



What happened? When did things turn? What are your husbands complaints? What .. if you know, or if you had to guess if you don't know...went wrong.




snow-

I'm so sorry for your grief. I'm so sorry you have this pain, that what you counted on isn't in place. I'm so very sorry we took so long to respond to you. This is my fault, as I was unable to respond during this period, but I will check in on you.


snow---this is a community that will be here for you. it's a community that is committed to marriage, to love, to helping you through the pain. It is also committed to helping you find a solution.



Again - I'm so sorry for your pain -
dbmod/and the whole DB Team

[dbmod]

^

[Jessica M.]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband filed for divorce about a month ago and it has been hard. We had only been together for 4 years. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

I have decided that my husband's choices will not destroy me. I have to move on for mine and my daughter's sake. I have to go on for her. It still hurts and I want us to get back together but I can't focus on all of the negative. It makes me very angry and upset and depressed. I am not in denial but I am doing what needs to be done and trying to focus on that.

I am sure you will get wonderful advice here!

[bustingout]

Hi snow,

Welcome to the site. I am relatively new here too.

You will get greet support here. Keep posting.

And I am so sorry for your pain. This is the best place to be for what we are in.

[reachingHigher]

Hi snow angel! I'm so sorry for your pain! It's incredible how much it can hurt!

Sometimes I just think "one day at a time". On really bad days, I just think, "one foot in front of the other". And keep going on.

Post some more about your situation. It will help us get to know you better.

Hugs to you today!