Yes the poor kids always seem to get caught up in the storm!
In my state all divorcing couples that have children are required to watch a parenting class and the effects our behaviors have on children.
Though I generally knew the basics, that class really opened my eyes.
Infact I had a throught that such a class should be *required* before even filing for divorce. A big thing that was discussed in the class is when OP are introduced. The person that led the class was a family counselor. She said when the OP gets in the picture that's when EVERYTHING goes nutts.
And it's true. When Ow got shoved into the family by XH all hell broke loose.
Another thing is true. You think once you're divorced all the dust will settle, things will get back into a predictable groove and you can go on with your life with out anymore issues.
I think it actually gets worse. In so many cases the WAS seems to cause so much trouble for the LBS, especially when the LBS really is moving on with their life. It really does seem that whether or not they take up with another, live alone or marry another, they still seem to think the LBS is their fallback!
It's true. My ex's did this to me, and I'm SERIOUSLY hoping they get married! Find them a guy whose going to treat them right and let me go on ahead with my life. For years, they where telling me "go on ahead with your life", being mean. Finally in the last couple of years, the prospect is more and more interesting!
This is exactly what happened to me. It took me forever to let go and come to the recognition that it was over, including an attempt at "permanently checking out". It was HORRIBLE.
Well, it's funny what a trip to Iraq did for me, in terms of finding my old mojo. I came back home and was totally ready to let go. (What are you going to do....send me to Iraq?)
My divorce took forever, as she looked for money in every conceivable way from me. I'm surpised I got away with the change in the ash tray of my car.
It continued today. S14 is supposed to be with me on Thursday. XW emailed me and told me he has orientation at his new school on Thursday, and a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. She wanted to know who would be taking him...her or me. Incredible bal*s on her part to schediule appointments on my days, and not even let me know about the orientation.
She seems to have this weird need to want to try and continue to control me, even though she wanted out in the worst way.
I'm pretty sure she never thought I might end up, more than back on my feet with a younger, successful, beatiful woman (Neither did I quite frankly!) who is crazy about me an I about her. This created a huge, weird dynamic. I hate you, go away,boss, but I need to control you
She on the other hand, is moving in with her boss who is 12 years older than her, into the house where he and his wife lived for 30 years before her untimely death during their affair.
There's a whole doctorate dissertation in psychology here!
Meanwhile I've made plans for him to go with my new wife to the beach on Thursday, with me meeting them on Friday night.
Congrat's on the new wife. If you didn't go through your ex, you wouldn't have met your current. So god bless you!
X asked me the other day if I'd gotten a bill from DS's surgery (I haven't). I pay for kids health insurance and paid the deductable for his last surgery so they could take him back and get started (she and OM were late for the surgery and I thought it best to get started). She responded with indignation when I suggested she should pay deductables since I pay the premiums.
Thank you for your personal service to our nation.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I just took the ex to court for the first time and I was scared to death, almost backing out at the last minute. He felt he has no obligation to pay a cent for our daughter's college expenses. I felt otherwise. Now it's in the judge's hands.
I'm ramping up my job hunting skills after being very involved in my daughter's activities. She leaves for college next Monday!
Overall I'm doing so much better than in the past. Learning and recognizing boundaries has been so helpful making life much easier. Recently my sons (now 26 and 22) have acknowledged and thanked me for how I've kept them out of the conflicts between their father and me. Folks told me that day would come and it's good to know that all that effort worked out best for them (and me in the long run).
Good luck in your court case and keeping the bond strong between you and your son. And congratulations on your former spouse cohabitating with another man. Remember, her affair is old news and has nothing to do with you anymore. I know I work on letting go of the 'injustice' that led to the divorce. In the end my happiness is my choice. Getting revved up over the ex's behavior does me absolutely no good.
Take care and continue embracing what is most important... your family.
Thanks for all of the responses, old friends and new ones alike. Gypsy: glad you summoned the courage to execute (bad choice of words?) the court option. I like it. Take no prisoners. Your X sounds like a real jerk.
It’s beginning to heat up…...just as I expected it would. I pay XW 3000 a month. Yes, it breaks down to $100 per day.
She and S14 are scheduled to move in with “grandpabossboyfriend” next week, and must have been served with the court notice. She sent me an email telling me she was sending me a bill for D20’s college books, because I have “never paid for them”. Just sent 4K to the college two days ago.
I reminded her that she still owes me about $1800 from my older daughter’s college days when the Veteran’s Administration double-paid my daughter’s college, then of course, recollected, which I ended up paying.
She came back and said: “You’re still bringing that up? I can’t wait to go to court and collect the thousands that you owe me”
Mind you, I am never a day late with the alimony payment…not one single day. Thousands of dollars? She is such a control freak; she has probably kept a ledger of every expense over the last three years, where she thinks I owe her money.
A simple court case will now drag out because of her vicious need to never be wrong and control EVERY situation.
Meanwhile, she’s taken her eye off of the ball in terms of why she’s being taken back to court: she’s moving in with her paramour and moving my son an additional 16 miles away from me. She recently had him diagnosed with “ADD”, and I believe is going to try an play the “he needs to stay at one house (hers of course) Monday through Friday for “consistency”, so she doesn’t have to drive him to meet me.
Anyone have experience in the courts with this type of stuff? She’s throwing any stuff against the wall in order to muddy the waters so she can be to quote Charlie Sheen “WINNING!”
OK - just to play devil's advocate here - high school is really difficult these days, and going back and forth between houses must make it twice as hard to keep track of school assignments etc.
Since he's 14 now, is he interested in living with YOU? Surely if he wanted to, the courts would allow it at this age. Are you in a position to have him M-F and supervise his schoolwork? Sometimes a teenage boy needs to live with his dad.
Thanks, Barb and kml (Wow! you've been here longer than I have!)
The asnwer is , yes, he could live with me, but I would need to send him to a local private school, because the public schools where I live (and grew up!) are not nearly as good as where he is going to go.
I wouldn't want to put him in the middle of choosing, and he, like my middle daughter, is petrified on many levels to "cross the beast", so he would never really stand up to her.
Her latest email ended "Can't wait for court!" Sounds like a very happy woman who has found everything that she sought through divorce beginning 6 years ago doesn't it?
If I never spoke to her again, it would be great, but she has a weird need to contact me about every stupid thing, and always scold me, like the old days. Every time I see this clip from "American Beauty", Kevin Spacey reminds me of....well me. I love the last line of the clip! Check it out! LMAO!
So, I'm not sure what your current custody arrangement is, but if she's moving father away, will you still be able to get him to his school when he's at your house? Could you resolve it my taking him Thursday after school and through every weekend (making Thursday night the only weeknight that he's not home?). What do you think your son really wants?
And yes, it is a pain having to still have all this contact with her. Since you will be off the hook for alimony soon, try to pick your battles on the other stuff.
