So...I watched the NFL Draft (well most of it) with H last night. We order pizza & wings - tailgate food. Total 180 for me because I am SO not a football fan, and this is yet another thing on his list of things I do wrong: I don't act interested in anything he's interested in. It was actually fun for me. Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! *In my Gomer Pyle voice*
I've been thinking. Yes, here we go again...LOL As skeptical as I am of anything H does that's nice and caring, he's just as skeptical that my changes are real. I've been so into what I "think" he's trying to do (i.e., get over on me, use me as his nursemaid, etc.), but had not once considered that he could be thinking I'm "acting" just to get him to stay, when I really haven't changed at all. Made me look at things a bit differently.
I look at our interactions, and I can see a clear difference in how I used to respond to him. And I do occasionally see a look of surprise in his eyes when the reaction isn't what he's used to. It's a shame that it took all this to get me to see it. But I also realized I'm no longer doing it for him. I enjoy being a mostly happy person. Which in turn makes me a happy wife (hopefully).
I'd love to get to the point where I'm detached enough that I don't think about him having an A every hour. It used to be every minute, so I guess that's improvement. I also need to get to a place of no expectations. God is going to have to help me with this one, because I'm terrible at that. Especially when his actions don't necessarily coincide with him wanting to leave.
I still feel like I should be DOING something to get some movement in my sitch, but I realize now may not be the right time. I'm a fixer, but I can't fix this. Knowing that s*cks most of the time to be honest. I'm SuperWoman...there's nothing I CAN'T fix! But I promised myself I'd give DBing my all, so that's what I'm going to do.
An observation: I've been giving hello kisses ALL week when I come in from work. Based on his reactions, I'd say H is now looking for this when I come through the door. And for once, I don't feel like its a chore. I want to do it. Maybe that's progress?
awesome...they say 14 days of doing something everyday and it becomes a habit...
so hello kisses are a habit now
try to tack on something else....how about a special little saying or a little snuggle that becomes an inside thing between you two?
I used to have a boyfriend that everytime we wanted to get frisky...we would suggest a game of scrabble.
So...we could be out with our friends or at the movies or anywhere and I could simple say, outloud in front of Grandma Dorothy...how much I was looking forward to our game of scrabble later....and we would add all sorts of jokes about it with.
Obvioulsy we are no longer dating and he is happily married but we are still friends and have some great laughs over it still
could you develop something like that? Initiate a naughty game (or a sensual game or a loving game or a funny game) that is just between you TWO???
What's sad is that we used to do stuff like that all the time. Not sure when it stopped.
I actually got some great advice from Purgatory on something kinda like this. I won't go into detail because that would be TMI, but there were three things for him to choose from. He choose #2 & #3. LOL So I texted him this morning and said have a great day, and that I was looking forward to my #2 & #3, love you. He responded with: ;-) Love you too!
So I guess that's something close to what you are talking about. I'll have to think about the other stuff we used to do.
Had a BUSY, busy weekend with volunteering for Special Olympics, driving to NC to see SS in the Grand March at his Sr. Prom, driving back home, and church activities all day Sunday basically. I’m still worn out, but the highlight was seeing my SS. God, I love that kid!
H didn’t go with me to NC – said his knee was bothering him too bad. I was irritated, but let it go eventually. He then proceeded to call me several times on the ride down and back to check on me, and make sure I wasn’t too tired to drive. He even talked to his mother and made sure to tell me I could stay at their house if I was too tired. *scowl*
By the time I got home, I was almost delirious from lack of sleep. H jumped right in making sure I had my back medicine, and even helped turn down the covers on the bed. I will admit it irritated me because it felt like he was making up for not going with me. (Remember we had previously discussed this during out conversation about my trip to NC two weeks ago. I told him I never would have gone then had I known I would have to drive by myself twice)
Had a great time at church on Sunday, even though I was tired. I called him to see if he needed anything from the store since I was on my way home, and he told me that he had just gotten back from getting us breakfast – since he knew I would be tired. I was surprised and just said thank you.
Not sure what is going on with him and OW. Since she makes sure I can see her tweets on Twitter, I found out that she was in my area this weekend. Of course, before I thought about it, I asked H if he had seen her. He said no, he didn’t even know she was up here. We went back and forth for a while. I was pretty calm about it, but noticed he seemed annoyed that she was up here and he didn’t know. I called him out on it, and he said he wasn’t annoyed at all. He repeated that he didn’t know she was here, and he didn’t see her, and kinda trailed off the sentence. I asked him if he would tell me if he did see her. He just looked at me, and repeated that he hadn’t seen her. I said not that it would matter now anyway, I guess, but I still wanted to know. I said you were very pushy about me staying in NC last night. Was it because she was here. He got kind of animated and matter of fact, and said he was doing that because he was worried about me doing all that driving by myself knowing I had already had a full day, and that was it. All in all, it was a very strange conversation. I guess he wasn’t too upset about it because the Ward Cleaver thing continued for the rest of Sunday. He even cooked Sunday dinner, hurt knee & all.
Yesterday, I had to turn in this bi-yearly financial form at work, which lists details of our finances, down to bank accounts, who we owe, taxes, etc. So I had to get H’s bank account information. Since he was so adamant about moving out the last time we talked, this would give me a chance to know if he financial would be able to. The answer to that question is no. Unless he has money stuffed in a mattress somewhere, he can’t afford to sleep in his car at this point. And because of where I work, he knows I could lose my job if he isn’t honest about his finances, I’m pretty sure it’s accurate. Not that this means anything I know. Who knows...he may think sleeping in his car is a step up from living with me. Whatevs. LOL
All in all, still holding steady I guess – well after Sunday anyway. Trying to keep my mouth SHUT! It’s hard sometimes though, but I am getting better. I’m also constantly reminding myself that I don’t have DO anything right now. And telling myself that while we are getting along, and acting like we’re happily M, the A is still the elephant in the room. So unless he tells me that it’s over, and he wants to R or work on our M, or he moves out, and we separate, just keep focusing on being the best me I can be (and afterwards of course). It’s so easy to fall back into the habit of believing we’re in love and okay, and back where I thought we were in January.
Just wanted to say that sometimes being a girl s#cks. I'm having an emotional night. Wish I had a time machine to jump to the happier part of my life that's coming...M saved or not.
Really feeling like I'm getting the short end of the stick here, even after all I've been through in life. I know God doesn't play favorites but it sure feels like I've been put at the bottom of his list. Just something else I need to work through.
I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. Haven't been this emotional in a few days. Kinda caught me off guard until I looked at the calendar. LOL
I also have to keep telling myself that God has some sort of plan for me to get through this w or w/o my husband and to just keep persevering!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
Sorry, Ro, hope you're feeling better. These things wear on us emotionally, physically & spiritually.
A perspective I try and keep and feel free to take it or leave it but I try and remember that each one of us have free will. We can choose to do good or otherwise. Any one of us can be impacted negatively by others poor choices regardless of the positive choices we make each day.
It goes back to what we can control and what we can't. My relationship with God is not based upon the choices of others and IMO, I won't hold God accountable for when others make choices that I feel are not what God would prefer.
I fully believe God is still there for you and is walking with you. He knows what you're made of and maybe this sitch, as unfortunate as it is, may help you see what you are made of for yourself and how God will see you through.
((Ro))
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
