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A Message from Michele
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Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2248797
05/26/12 10:09 PM
05/26/12 10:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
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scaredsilly Offline
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scaredsilly  Offline
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Posts: 1,219
oh, yeah. and look cute when you say it, too! ;-)


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: scaredsilly] #2249248
05/28/12 10:59 PM
05/28/12 10:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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totallydevoted  Offline OP
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Posts: 90
Had a great time with the kids this weekend - good to see old friends. Although every inch of that trip reminded me of W and I...and all the wonderful trips we've taken together and as a family. REALLY missing my family today...and REALLY missing her...have to be strong. I just want my life back...and my WIFE! Doggone-it...this is SO hard!


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2249413
05/29/12 03:03 PM
05/29/12 03:03 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
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Brit45 Offline
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Posts: 1,108
One thing that's helped/helping me to detach is when someone said you have to face that your old R is over. It's done. If you two come back together it will be a new R, with building, dating, etc.

I do think about things we did together a lot, but talking a friend of mine who never got back together with her ex she said it's not a problem and she talks about him when she talks to other people all the time. Of course they had good times, they shared experiences and those will never go away. Just because her R ended and never reconciled doesn't make all those trips and things suddenly bad. It made me review how I felt in those instances when I'm reminded of things we did together.

Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: Brit45] #2249489
05/29/12 07:12 PM
05/29/12 07:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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Posts: 90
Thanks Brit...I know our R has to be a different one...and my STBXW will need to do a lot of work on herself to ever make us a possibility again. My fear is that she won't...because she never has. She has her family support system to keep her right where she is...their little puppet...doing everything they tell her to. BUT...her problem now, not mine...if she doesn't put an end to her family's "loving" manipulation of her, she'll be forever miserable.

And I don't want that anymore...but I know her heart...and I know that she's being pulled in both directions. From her family and her loyalty to them no matter how dysfunctional...and her love for me and our family. I can feel that battle that's going on in her, I know it's present. I just don't think she's strong enough to go against her family...and again, I don't want the way she allows them to use her anyway - I don't want that person.

We used to live in another city...5 hours away drive - we were so happy then. I wish we never moved back here where she grew up...created resentment in me on how they use her (started to see it the longer we lived near them)...and created resentment in my W when I would express my concern about it. I pulled back from her family...because I refuse to be treated that way and was angry at them for doing it to my W...and that's when they began to sabotage our M. Of course, can't so anything about that now...MUST focus solely on myself and my children.

So...I don't want our old R...which is helping me detach, but I love my W dearly and am so totally devoted to her and our family, BUT I do not feel that she's strong enough to do what's right for herself to allow an avenue for us in the future...very sad.


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2249691
05/30/12 11:58 AM
05/30/12 11:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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Posts: 90
I broke down a little this morning and sent my W an email wishing her a good morning and hope that she has a good day. She's a teacher and I mentioned that summer was close and she must be very excited.

This was her response:

"Yes, summer is so close!!! I am looking forward to some down time to process everything. So far, I have really not had personal time to think. Hope you are doing well."

This coming from someone who has been adamant about the end of our R...yet hasn't mentioned the D since our mediation. However...we really haven't communicated since.

I don't want to read anything into this but it just seems like a very small step in the right direction. I'm yielding to you all to give me some advise here. It appears the detaching is working a little and my gut just keeps telling me that there is just a small glimmer of hope...always has. I must stay strong and detached...she needs to miss me for any hope.

Also...she initiated this current communication...asking if I can come over to look at the TV...doesn't appear to be working. My youngest is pretty upset about it...add in the A/C not working and they're miserable right now. I agreed to go over after work...her response was "Thank you very much!"


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2249692
05/30/12 12:01 PM
05/30/12 12:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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totallydevoted  Offline OP
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Posts: 90
...just a note...I did send her that email to wish her a good morning, but her email got to me first. I still consider that a victory. laugh


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2249739
05/30/12 02:07 PM
05/30/12 02:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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totallydevoted  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
^


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2249741
05/30/12 02:20 PM
05/30/12 02:20 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 186
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LostIn407 Offline
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LostIn407  Offline
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Posts: 186
Quote:
It appears the detaching is working a little and my gut just keeps telling me that there is just a small glimmer of hope...always has. I must stay strong and detached...she needs to miss me for any hope.


Time. Patience. I am probably near the same stage as you. Detaching is hard. In my weakest moments, I think "If she starts to live her life without depending on me, then there is no reason she will come back to me."

This is why we must GAL and improve ourselves. Become someone only a fool would not want to be with.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: LostIn407] #2249748
05/30/12 02:40 PM
05/30/12 02:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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totallydevoted  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
Originally Posted By: LostIn407
This is why we must GAL and improve ourselves. Become someone only a fool would not want to be with.


Never have more truer words ever been written. Thanks Lost...hang in there my friend, together we will all get through this.


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: (NA) Re: Wife wants out [Re: totallydevoted] #2251527
06/05/12 08:25 PM
06/05/12 08:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
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totallydevoted Offline OP
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totallydevoted  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
Man...haven't posted in a while...should I start another thread?

Anyway...no talk of D from W...I'm not sure what this means. We haven't really spoken in a long time...I had to go to the house to pick up my laptop on Saturday. The TV broke and my W's laptop was at work getting updated...so I lent it to the kids to be able to watch some movies on. Anyway...we really didn't talk much then either. Back to my point...she's a teacher and is now on summer break so she has the time to go file...but hasn't yet. I still need to notarize some forms and take a child parenting course online. It's been about 3 weeks since our mediation. She rushed so fast to get all that done...and now, crickets on finalizing everything. What gives?

I'm trying very hard to stay dim...hard to be dark with the kids...so I'm not saying a thing about anything. Could she possibly be thinking about all this...that the finality of it all is now hitting her and she uncertain what to do? I know I'm not supposed to care about all that and continue to focus on myself...but.


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Page 9 of 10 1 2 7 8 9 10

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