Not sure where to start, Part 2

[2012sf]

I haven't gotten to read all your threads, but just the last few pages. I will make time tonight to read the rest. I can see similarities though.

I really relate to how he affects your mood. I am the same way. I am trying to really hard to learn how to detach and not let his mood set the tone for how I feel the rest of the time after I see him, but it is hard. And I get so anxious thinking about possible scenarios before we get together too. Also not good. Sometimes it is almost a relief when they aren't around, because of that rollercoaster, but then when you have a good time and start to feel like there was progress, it is such a high. I'm in a partial high right now. I had a fairly good morning with my husband when the last few days had been rough, and he just texted a little bit ago to check on our son, and to say he'd see us tonight for the family night activities at school. It feels so good to see him with us and relaxed. I am very on guard at the same time though, because it seems like once things go up, they last a day or so and come crashing down. He was expressing guilt this morning about the kids and missing them, so I'm going to be like a ninja right now about avoiding deep talk and keeping it from escalating. I wish they could just BE for awhile!

[wishing, hoping]

Took S to dentist, picked up D and did a bit of grocery shopping. Got home and H was already home. Kids were all excited to see him but I had to brace myself. Lol! I unloaded the groceries and he interacted with the kids a bit. Talked to me a bit about the bank account which was a bit short (because he had to transfer money to cover his overseas hotel bill) and asked ke to watch what I spend until Friday and then things should be fine. I validated and listened and said Okay. He then had to leave for a board meeting. He was nice but we will see what he is like when he gets home.

[sweetbabyred]

It's hard to compete with the OW. When they go out, it's all fun and games. She isn't concerned about that restaurant fitting into the budget, because it's not her money. She doesn't ask him to take out the trash or do any household activities. As hard as it is, I try to remind myself that the OW just seems more exciting because there are no routines, no normal life activities. After awhile, your H should realize that real life wouldn't be that exciting with her. It's just really hard to be patient until they figure that out.

[wishing, hoping]

Okay urgency here. S just tells me that dad wants to take him to his "friend's" house some weekend to launch his rocket he got for his birthday. I am hoping he does not mean OW!!! I am freaking out now because that is just not cool with me. Do I have a viable reason to be upset??? Or should I just accept it because once we are divorced H will do whatever he wants to do with the kids?? Help!!!

[wishing, hoping]

Journaling:

So I'm in my room H is in his. I hope he is getting the space he needs. I miss my best friend. I miss the snuggling and the talks and watching late night tv together enjoying a beer. It's hard to imagine he does not miss that with me. Maybe in time he will miss me and what we had.

I am just catching up on reading and contacting old friends. I am trying to enjoy having my space as well. But I do miss my best friend. I can't help but miss that. But I don't think that man exists anymore.

[BklynMom]

Its been almost a year for me and I still miss my best friend deeply. I constantly want to share random things with him and I cant. It stinks.

Your H asked son to join him in a couple of weeks, so the first thing is to slow down and find out all the facts and then make a decision dont react.

Whatever your H feelings for this OW are they will fade over time. Dont try to stop him from being with her this will only make her seem more desirable. Let her flaws reveal themselves on their own.

[hopingandpraying]

I miss my best friend, also! It was only 5 months ago that I had this person! I still can't believe that in the middle of this month we have been separated, physically, for 3 months!

[Merlot]

Yes, I miss my H too. The sick feeling I every now and then get in the pit of my stomach is incredible. I'm feeling like a pendulumn going back and forth with thoughts and feelings.
My H left on a business trip three weeks ago and is returning tonight, I'm picking him up. The night before he left I spent the night away because the night before that he rejected me coming to spend the evening with him. I didn't want him to see me cry and I didn't want to show disappointment or anger. He got the message and knew he hurt me bad. The day he left I had to fill in for him (work) and I went straight to work from downtown. We spoke, a few times before he caught his flight, no apologies.
Now I am faced with picking him up and I am filled with anxiety.
Practice the 180 (which I always am). How was the flight, you look tired, be a good listener... His life situation we discuss and when I add to the conversation about home/work I feel that he doesn't seem to add to the conversation or really cares. MLC I've been stuck in conversation like this for sometime now.
He has called while he has been gone without the passion in the past.
My little expectations are always just imagination! I'm nervous about tonight but suspect it's going to be the same as always. Cordial and cold.
How I wish we were past all this already. I long for the days before MLC

[Merlot]

Your situation is EXACTLY mine.
This summer we have our first year of traveling ball and now he has complaint about one Span of dates we are traveling. I know his calendar is clear... I am stll making reservations regardless if it's fo 2 or 3 of us in the room but I don't know whether to ask him if he is coming... Tell him that I'm am making reservations or just do it. I feel like I'm walking on eggs all the time.
I know his dates because we share them in business and months ago we both said great, there wasn't a problem. A few weeks ago he had a complaint!

If he isn't going I've excepted it but I feel hurt for our son... It means so much to him.
This is the hard part for me, The MLC is so selfissh

[wishing, hoping]

You know, I have just realized something. One of my 180s has worked!!! It has worked slowly over the months, but I have stopped one of the pursuer/distancer things that used to occur in our relationship.

H used to work late. Really late. I would call and ask when he was going to be home and he would tell me a time and never be home at that time. When he did get home I would be visibly upset and that cycle would continue and worsen. Since I started DB'ing I have stopped calling and stopped asking when he would be home. He just gets home when he gets home and I just act as is and smile and say hi. Over time he has essentially stopped working so late every night. Now he is home at a normal decent time. And even though we are heading down the path to D, it is good for the kids to have him around.

So I feel a bit encouraged by this news. This is just a small step, but it's a step forward none the less. Maybe with more time I can see more results.