IB, I know its tough, but you are going to have to learn that you cannot change the way he does. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you cannot reason with this man. I have seen this a hundred times. He's going to run around with her to "show her off" to everyone and he's also going to act like a complete idiot as well. Best thing you can do is totally ignore him and not speak to him under any circumstances, as it won't do any good, because he's only going to see what he wants to see.
I think this OW feels she has met her meal ticket. She won't be leaving. He broke up with her once but they got back together - she took it very hard...
I need to get over this - period.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, I do that too. Look back that the whole loss of a long term marriage and a life that was a whole with our children.
I understand that.
As awful as we've all felt through being an LBS, I think we deserve credit for the feelings we've had and go through.
If we didn't know how to love, forgive, be kind, be compassionate, strive to understand, strive to stand for our marriages and put meaning into our marriages, would we have felt this pain? Where would we be? Who would we be?
Appreciate yourself for who you are. Just because our ex's can't see this in us, is their loss. And such a sad loss it is.
We just get through this one step at a time. Guess what's so frustrating is we want it over and want it over now.
I've been really fluxuating with anger towards ex the last week. I get mad at myself for not getting over it and being as care free as he is. But then I remind myself I have my feelings and I have them for damn good reasons. As devastated as I've been at times, I've grown thankful for these feelings. Because if I didn't have them, I would be no different than xh.
Kimmerz - thanks for that! As I sit here feeling somewhat sorry for myself - I know that I have comfort in knowing I have my kids and my values/morals still in place. I didn't lose them in this hideous experience. Lucky me!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB - I've always thought you amazing; the way you manage to retain such dignity and grace in the most trying of situations. I don't think you realise what strength you have and how well you are doing after such a short time and with such constant and painful episodes to deal with. You IB- YOU ARE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL! Sending hugs across the world and big congratulations for feeling that pain, recognizing it, sharing it and moving forward x
Braveheart - thanks for response. I agree with you - I have as little interaction as possible - but sometimes its inevitable. And I have to be honest - nights like Friday when its in my face so blatantly hit me so hard that it takes me a couple of days to recover. I HATE this about myself right now - but I'm trying.
Son and I were going through old pictures for his senior game. He says "Mom look - you, me, and dad were on vacation in Savannah one day and he was gone the next. It's so weird!"
That it is!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Yes. One year we're at our favorite family vacaton beach spot getting family pics made and two years later there's a "family pic" of OM, X and our kids on the mantle in their home. I feel your pain.
Irish, hope for the best, expect the worst and the most frustrating and the weirdist and the most infuriating and the...you get the idea.
Be glad your kids are as old as they are. I attended a back to school function shortly after bomb to learn OM was having an impromptu conference outside the building with my child's teacher. It was all I could do to maintain my composure. X sensed my reaction (we were inside the building together) but I fought every urge in my body to get up and leave.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Sleeper - I do agree that I am fortunate my kids are the age they are. Although it's a different effect for them. My oldest D who is getting married this summer - has made a couple of comments like "what if this ends up like yours..." I hate that for her - but I have always tried to get them to take care of themselves first. Something I never really learned. I don't know how you kept it together at your child's conference. Way overstepping boundaries. You are my hero! Irish
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, Really, given what you're faced with so often, with those two and their "parading" at the sports events, girl that's still a punch in the gut no matter what. I applaude you being able to withstand that!
I completely understand that takes a few days to shake off. You know Im now getting all worked up because xh will be picking up the kids and taking them overnight tomorrow. Just knowing he will be in my driveway makes me uptight. Just texting my xh bothers me, especially when he's nice. You know 2 weeks ago he was so nice, it took me 2 days to calm down!
These are just buttons that we know are going to be pushed. The only thing I can think of that will help us is to avoid allowing them to push those buttons. However some button pushing just can't be avoided at times too.
