Hi Hoping, You are doing a great job at DBing, the laundry thing, my H did the same thing. He is coming over testing the waters. Also making sure you don't find someone else. I wouldnt be the one to make the first advance. You need to be kind friendly bubbly sexy like he is a new boyfriend. Let him make the first move. When he does make the move you cant make it to easy for him. I can share more if you would like as to what I did. H and I are back together atleast 3 years and everyday is better then the last. Loretta
You and me both, KAW....Loretta..I would love to hear more from you..where are you? As far as him thinking I might find someone else..I am 150% positive that that does not concern him, as he knows me pretty well, and knows at this point that I would not even consider it..even if I had men pursueing me daily, I have no desire but to try and save what we have.
About last night..I was running around in the morning knowing I had a bunch of stuff to do..but did not want to do too much and have nothing for him to do..he called about 2 and said he had finised up at church, and was there anything left to do..I said there sure was..he said he would be over shortly..he brought laundry too..did not ask this time..(the old me almost took over..when he ran to get the wine, I went and looked in washer OHHHHHH..his white dress shirts that I never ironed because I washed them gently and dried them carefully, were in on the reg cycle with his underwear!!!!!!I closed the washer and went back to my business.)He ended up making the stuffed mushrooms..I left him alone in the kitchen and did the cleaning. Both our kids were gone, and I went up and took a shower and I know I read too many romances but I thought maybe he will come up..no such luck..I can still dream and hope!!! After everyone left, and he was ready to go, I thanked him for helping me..he said something, but I could not hear him so I said "what did you say", he said"you're welcome" I just smiled. I do notice whenever he is walking toward the door to go..he gets quiet and kinda mumbles softly that he needs to get going..is he guilty, sad, lonely?? It was a great night...
You're doing a good job, you sure have the right attitude. To be totally honest, if he knows you wouldn't even consider going out on a date by all means DO IT!!!!!Or, don't really do it but let him think that you may be entertaining that idea. That doesn't mean you start a new romance, that means going out to dinner or something with a member of the opposite sex, nothing more, nothing less. I know this flys in the face of whats normal, but maybe in your sitch, if all of a sudden he isn't 150% sure you wouldn't go out on a date or whatever, that plays into your favor. We men are jealous, nothing makes us stop dead in our tracks and not take our wives for granted when we see they're being pursued by another man. I don't know Sue, by doing a 180 here, you might be able to get the reaction out of him you've been waiting for.
Thanks for your posts..but Wiley..I just could not even imagine going out with another man...and especially just to spark something in h..I believe in the honor of m vows, I am still m...the only men I really know are our m friends...and I sure am not going to do that. Since I am not sure where h is in his feelings, doing that might just make him feel better about leaving me for good, knowing that I am not waiting around for him. I don't know if you have kept up with my thread at all, but partly we are where we are because I felt something was going on with h and ff...he assured many times not..when he moved out he wanted me to know that he needed space to think..and that was the only reason...in his way he wanted me to be sure and know that he was not going to be with her..at about the same time...she found a new man(unmarried) so h kinda got dumped as the friend that he was to her.
LL...I did ask for a hug a few months ago..and while he did not reject me, I had the feeling the next few times he came over he wanted to get out before I had the chance to ask again..so I have not since. I will have to keep watching.
Quote: LL...I did ask for a hug a few months ago..and while he did not reject me, I had the feeling the next few times he came over he wanted to get out before I had the chance to ask again..so I have not since. I will have to keep watching.
understandable..perhaps a hug is too much...maybe then you could just put a hand on his shoulder as you say goodbye? perhaps that is a bit less threatening for him?
It is not that you have to pretend that you have a male friend. It is that you have to portray that your life is busy and you arn't dwelling on the fact that he doesnt want to be home. When H said he was coming over at 2pm I would have purposely not been home. I would have arrived at 2:15 pm. I would have rushed in him nice to see you I will be down in a minute I am going to have a quick shower. He wants to see you happy and busy. The old routine is old. I remember doing the exact opposite of what I always did before. That is how I DB'd. I didnt even hint that I might Have another man. My H has a big refection Issue. Loretta
Thanks, Loretta...something to reflect on..in the past I was or should say felt like I needed to entertain him, or just be here if he was here..he likes his time to just sit and watch stupid science fiction stuff on tv..and I hung around because I thought that is what a wife should do..I know differently now...I have learned to come and go..if he comes back I have to continue to do that.
I would like to read your story..where are you posting?
