Steady another thing I need to mention and not sure if this applied to your sitch. One reason W asked me to move out is she has extreme anxiety and IMHO depression. Defintely anxiety. She thought if I moved out it would go away. 1 month later she still has very bad bouts of anxiety. What I'm getting at is I can DB until I am blue in the face but if W does not get help nothing will work. I am correct no.
My ex has chronic anxiety and had it even before me met. Her wanting to be out of the M and us living in the house together at the time was driving her anxiety through the roof. She still has chronic anxiety. She's got other mental health problems and if she were to turn around today and say she wanted to get back together I would tell her no. She hasn't changed and is still the same.
So yeah, as you change and improve, if your W doesn't get help it won't work. You are not the source of her anxiety or her depression. Mine tried to blame me for hers. Not sure if your W is doing the same.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Don't offer your W more time to see the kids like you did. Make her ask for it. Otherwise it is pursuing. Good if she's having a hard time not seeing the kids. Welcome to a splintered family life.
When she was sick you were good not to offer. I did the same thing. They need to feel what it's like to be a single parent without being bailed out.
They get pissed when you don't act the same because you're basically pissing on their plans and what they think reality is. But beware, they will turn everything against you. If you go out and GAL they will say you don't care. If you don't GAL they will say you should get a life. If you offer her more time with the kids she'll think it's because you want to see her. If you don't offer her more time with the kids she'll think you don't care about her.
About 5 months after I got the ILYBIDLY speech my family had a reunion in Florida. At the last minute I booked a flight for myself to go down. At the time she couldn't wait to get me out of the house and away from her so she was more than supportive. A few months later she rewrote it as me being selfish and spending money we didn't have, blah, blah, blah. It's just typical script.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Steady the reason why I sit in this rental today is because my wife blames all her anxiety on me. Looks like I made a few minor mistakes over the weekend. It is tough because she lets me see the kids on her weekend and I actually enjoy it.
My first GAL mission. I fly out next week. Long overdue. I'm sure she will use it against me at some point.
In the future I won't offer anytime to her. I'll make her ask. She is covering me on 2 of my days while I'm gone so I need to have tiny flex.
My M is fn doomed cuz my wife won't take meds and she definitely has anxiety and depression. Unless an act of god happens she won't take a thing for it
Sometimes I wonder if detaching and doing GAL will make things worse for me if my W truly just needs some space to clear her head. I'm starting to think I'm just going to piss her off more.
I am also VERY tempted to ask her sometimes on the phone if something is bothering her. Some days she is so quiet to me it drives me crazy
She just started spewing all sorts of the same crap on me today. Bringing up every negative aspect that I have. She wants a divorce. Separated for 1 month but she's been unhappy for 2 years. Doesn't miss me. Misses the kids only. I started to fall into the argument trap and backed off. She wants to sell house. blah blah blah. I guess sitting home alone at night she is stewing on every negative aspect. I don't even know what to say about to her. Tried defending myself a little and retreated. Went home
She just started spewing all sorts of the same crap on me today. Bringing up every negative aspect that I have. She wants a divorce. Separated for 1 month but she's been unhappy for 2 years. Doesn't miss me. Misses the kids only. I started to fall into the argument trap and backed off. She wants to sell house. blah blah blah. I guess sitting home alone at night she is stewing on every negative aspect. I don't even know what to say about to her. Tried defending myself a little and retreated. Went home
OMG - yeah it sooo svcks!! I got this happened to me twice last week bro! I was like "who is this person"? Really, unhappy for years and you stuck it out even though we have no kids? Nah, I don't buy it. KD, 25, and other vets will tell you the same thing - "believe none of what your hear and half of whatt you see". Or is that other way around? The rage and nastiness is her way of validating her decision to bail. Check my thread is you have a chance. Take the advice they gave me..
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Gets worse. She wants to stay separated but sell our current house for a smaller one for her. She says she hates the big house we have. Says no matter what direction we go stay together or get D still need smaller house. I'm like hmmm. Ok
