Yes KD. I realized today I am not even remotely close to being detached :-( I mean not even close KD.
1/2 my problem right now is I have my own business and it doesn't keep me busy enough. It is brutal. I took today off because I watched my D3 because W was sick. So basically something as small as this puts me backwards.
Typically on a day like today I would pick my D up from house with clothes for the weekend for both kids. Grab S from school (with daughter) and have a great weekend. No interaction at all. She wouldn't even see son.
Didn't go that way today. Had to go there early with D and then D didn't want to go to school for pickup. I picked S up and then had to go back to house. D didn't want to come with me at 1st. Had to listen to W say if she doesn't want to go (sleep over) leave her here. I said nothing (in my head I'm thinking no FN way its my weekend and miss sleeping next to my kids badly)
I'm struggling on what things are in the best interest in my M and how to detach. I read every day. Including the bible.
I know there are things that need to change during this S to create more of detach. AKA do I really need to put son on bus everyday etc.
On a positive note. I started my first GAL mission. I'm planning a golf weekend with a very good friend to Myrtle Beach. It might be as early as next week!
Hey NM, take it easy on yourself. 25 and others can attest I was a basket case for probably 3 months from when I got here, and I got here 4 months into the sitch...
See, you mention about your business. I know that challenge. You gotta dump the emotional crap ASAP! I lost pretty much all my business through this and would have ended up on the streets if it wasn't for my folks and a good friend who had space for me.
Whatever it takes, GET YOUR MIND IN THE GAME, and off your W. There'll be time to lick your wounds off hours and when you aren't with the kids. Your emotional roller coaster should not be your financial downfall and the risk of access to your kids.
again, whatever it takes. Hard, yes... I know...
And good stuff on your last paragraph. Again, that it the stuff that will help you survive.
KD thanks. I'm trying to get my mind in the game but it's tough when you're sort of being controlled by someone. She knows I don't want a D and she is can eat her cake too. ya know.
I'm doing a lot better I just have bad days. Very bad sometimes.
I'm detaching from someone who has been detached from me for a very long time.
One more thing steady that I forgot to mention earlier and I'm wondering if this was one thing you obsessed with or struggled with .My biggest obsession and the reason I waited so long to move out was the fear of some other guy raising my kids. That truly is the thing that races through my brain the most.
I couldn't tell you how many times I said, "I don't want some other man raising my kids." It's one of the reasons I fought for almost 3 years for half custody of my children. So yeah, it was a big deal for me.
On another note which I didn't mention. Of all the people I've spoken to who got divorced, somewhere around 75% had their spouse come back at some time asking for another chance.
Statistics don't matter so don't focus on them. There's always someone in the 'winning' percent and it's impossible to know if that will be you.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Steady I've read your thread on detaching and it is absolutely awesome.
I have a question. Is there a fine line between detaching and being a d*ckhead. Reason I ask is there is certain things I still do for the kids. Put son on bus every day is one. Sometimes when its not my day with kids she will ask me to bring son to scheduled activity because he really wants Dad to take him. If I say no my kids suffer. That is the fine line I'm working with right now.
Do everything you need to do for your kids.
I used to use a pretty simple yardstick when I wasn't sure if I was being a doormat. Ask yourself why you would do it. If the answer is you are doing it so your W will, like you, come back, forgive you, react in some way, etc... then you're not doing it for the right reason and you're just trying to control the situation.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Thanks Steady cuz I feel like an FN doormat the last 4 weeks. I was certainly helping her but also wasn't leaving the kids with a sick parent. But at least they got to stay over my apartment that night etc.
I think my GAL is working a little. I think. Had a conversation on the phone today with her about another topic. She seems to get hung up on who knows that we are separated and who doesn't. She made a comment like seems you go out more then me anyways. I didn't know what to say. Just said nah I just try to stay busy.
Steady another thing I need to mention and not sure if this applied to your sitch. One reason W asked me to move out is she has extreme anxiety and IMHO depression. Defintely anxiety. She thought if I moved out it would go away. 1 month later she still has very bad bouts of anxiety. What I'm getting at is I can DB until I am blue in the face but if W does not get help nothing will work. I am correct no.
