damn, you are getting good at this. and i agree with NH - no no no on conversations about the relationship.
all these crazy mixed feelings you are experiencing? totally normal. the impulses to go against DB strategies? totally normal. the learning curve where your behaviors are mixed? totally normal, if not better than average on your part.
look at the data when you stay back and don't initiate. look at the data when you do your 180s. it all works, just like physics! and even as all of this is going on, you are working on you, learning you can do positive things even in the most difficult circumstances. learning some grace under pressure.
i would say keep it up and let's see how things go for the next week or so. the thing i find most encouraging is all of the things your H is initiating with you. and most of the time, you've really made hay. you've just had fun and then left it at that.
keep up the GAL stuff and build, build, build. no one can ever take that away from you.
First, the past couple of mornings, H and I have been intimate. Since moving back to the bed, H has literally been my 2nd skin at night. We’re not all the way to ML yet, but man, so not the dry desert either. Kinda crazy! Normally, I would not have gone through with this, but I thought, WTH, he’s MY H! Not sure if this was a good decision or not, but gotta say I wasn’t as wound up as I normally am. LOL Anyway, today, I passed up on my “good morning”. My H was a little bewildered, understandably. I’m the one who has been so upset about us not ML or anything close to it. But I just rolled over and went back to sleep.
Just to be clear, yes, I have thought about him having his cake and eating it too. And normally, I would be raging and all that about the OW. But you know what? I could care less. If I want to sleep with my H then, *insert appropriate curse word here* I will. I honestly have not let myself even begin to get attached with all of this intimacy. (A serious 180 for me…guess I’m guarding my heart just in case) And maybe this isn’t DB, but I’ve spent a lifetime not doing stuff because I was afraid of what people might think or say. I want to live for ME now! I’m the W, not the OW. Can you tell I feel really strongly about this? LOL
So, he comes in this morning to say goodbye and kisses me. I don’t say anything but that his new shirt looks nice. He stands there like he’s waiting on something. Then he realizes I will NOT be saying I love you and leaves. I get dressed and go to get in my car. As I’m waiting on my car to heat up, I get a “Have the best day ever! Love you” text message from him. Normally, I’m the one sending the text messages! I was wavering on whether I would today or not (I know, I know – it’s pursuing). But I didn’t have to. (See oys2 & nh, I do listen occasionally!) I responded “Thanks. Have a great day as well. Love you too.” Now if I can just make it through the day without emailing or calling him, I’ll be good to go.
On another interesting note – my church is having a couple’s breakfast this Saturday. I forwarded my H the notice on Monday, and said I would send a response back. He didn’t say anything. So, last night one of my friends (W of a couple we hang out with occasionally) sent me a text about getting together on the 11th for a Valentine’s Day dinner. I mentioned it to him because the H had already left him a message about getting together on FB. I told him I would tell them we couldn’t go. He says, “We can go.” I stop what I’m doing, turn around and say, “Are you sure?” He says, “Yes we can go.” I just said okay, and left it at that. What is happening HERE?
Had a rough morning with some sadness creeping in, but I managed to pull myself together. Sometimes I feel like my brain is shutting down. I get so tired and sleepy if I think about my situation too long. Is this normal?
I said I was going to try not to call or email H today. Well, I was going to email him just to say hey. (I know...pathetic!) I had the window up and everything in my email, about to start typing. And then the phone rings. It's him calling me!
We chatted about his day and mine, about some house and family stuff, and then I got off the phone.
I think there may be something to this DB stuff after all! LOL
the gods are on your side roroin! keep it up. you are really getting to see these principles work. and don't pound on yourself. you are really ahead of the game in terms of the speed you are learning and applying this stuff.
When I got home today, I felt such an overwhelming sadness. So I had about a 20 min cry in the bathroom. I just keep asking myself how my life got like this? I managed to pull myself together long enough to cook dinner. I've been hiding out in my bedroom because I don't want to lose it in front of H. He didn't hear me earlier. At least I don't think so. He's already been in here once asking if I'm ok and if I need anything. We SO need a bigger house!
Feeling some kind of way still. Tonight it took everything in me not to say anything to H about the OW. I think my sadness has turned to anger tonight. Time to say a quick prayer about it and go to bed.
So today is a somewhat better day. Although, I kind of went "dim" last night without intending to. Or at least as dim as you can get living in a two bedroom condo with your WAS.
And I think it might have made my H think I was in a bad mood or something. I've been reading on here that giving your WAS space is important. Well, the condo we share isn't that big, so it's either we're watching TV together or in two separate rooms (which has been an issue in our M). Anyway, I decided to give him some space last night and watched TV in our bedroom. Plus, I was an emotional wreck. Now, for the past couple of weeks, we've watched TV together almost every night, and from my point of view have gotten along great. We've laughed and talked, but not about R stuff. But, I didn't want to appear like I was smothering him or anything by being in the living room all the time with him.
Well, we hardly talked last night. Just when we had to - excuse me when walking past each other down the hall, are you going to eat dinner, etc. Then he gets into bed, and turns his back to me. He's been back in our bed since Sunday night, and we've been cuddling every night since. But not last night.
I know I was in a sad mood last night, and was trying not to show him, but I think I let that set the tone for the evening, and he mistook that for me not wanting to be bothered. (Which has also occured happened between us in a not so nice way)
Any advice on the giving space when you live in the same house when too much time apart was an issue?
