How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[FiatLux]

the biggest reason i want to go, to get myself back.

I feel this too and debate whether staying involved is healthy or if getting myself back together first and foremost is most important.

I've been separated for 5 months, and being in my own place frees my time for work and income/$ recovery, and self-care. Lately, however, I've slipped, spendinng time yearning and bemoaning her absence instead of pouring time/energy on me.
Now I get it (and am hearing from my real-life friends to get going on self-development/self-care again.

[hope2011]

Not sure what to post here anymore. I read a lot here but dont respond to much. Sometimes I post to those with no responses.

Things here are ok. H made plans to take me out tomorrow night. I tried to make a heartfelt gift... found an idea on pinterest to write on a deck of cards 52 reasons you love someone. I didnt have trouble finding 52 things, but I did get upset and start crying when I knew I couldnt write the big important stuff, like "I trust you with all my heart", or "you are so good to my family" or "you make me feel beautiful", etc. Instead all I could write was little stuff like thanks for taking out the trash, youre good to the dog, etc. I still did it but probably wont give it to him. I know he will do the standard stuff, card, candy, etc and thats ok but he wont wear his heart on his sleeve. Thats not his style. Its mine, but it always gets me hurt.

[hope2011]

1600 thread views and few responses... should I be concerned? My thread isnt that interesting.

[25yearsmlc]

I just read some of your background threads. It is interesting and very sad.

Was your late son also his son? If so, how'd he handle that?

I am not sure what to tell you. What do you want from this board?

how can we help you?

[Crazyville]

Hope, I can totally relate to your step-family issues. It's very hard, especially during the teenage years. Detaching is the very best thing you can do. And your H's prioritizing them and playing "disney dad" is not something you'll likely ever talk him out of. As a stepmom, you will be the target if you're visible, and sometimes even if you're not. If you stay with H, you'll be able to re-engage with them when they're older. Meanwhile, keep focus on your R with H. You've got enough going on there.

[25yearsmlc]

what she said^^^....

the more you "battle" him for his attention or judge his parenting (or lack thereof)

the more estranged you'll feel from him AND the kids...it's a lose lose for now unless you detach,

And really do it. Your h may feel guilt for leaving his w's and kids and this is his only show of being a decent guy. He does not realize that discipline is a form of love. And it takes love to do it, not neglecting or ignoring the problems b/c it's easier than truly dealing, though that would be the more loving thing to do. He doesn't know, and it's probably not your job to teach him, (imo).


Stop attaching ANY of your happiness to his reaction to you, as hard as that may seem.

Same goes for the kids for sure. Be busy when they're around or have a calm down glass of wine (or ADs or whatevs)

but don't let them get to you. Thank God they aren't yours b/c I doubt they're easy on their own mom. (Those are two problems you don't have.)

Let us know how we can help.