Wife no longer In love with me - part 5

[cam]

Another new thread.
Others posted here:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Two weeks tomorrow since any contact with my W. Whilst I am actually relieved with the space, life is still pretty miserable and still spending a lot of time alone. I actually look forward to Monday's so i can be around people at work. Pretty sad existence I'm living.

[~¤DG¤~]

Cam-
I understand the feeling. For a while there getting up to go to work was my only saving grace.
It does get easier with time.

What activities are you doing for yourself?

[Telemark]

Getting out of the house is saving my sanity. Even if it's just going to a library or a mall or a long walk it helps with the feelings of loneliness. After a while you will get into a pattern of being out and about.

[Autumn Leaves]

Yes getting out of the house is so important. I find if I am in the house too long it is much worse for me. Even if it is difficult, try to get out when you can.

[cam]

I haven't posted for a while, I've been trying to take a break from all of this. Today was 4 weeks since I've had any contact with my W. And it's weird, until today i have been feeling better, and now all of a sudden I just got so upset and missed her again.

I've been doing a lot better effort of GALing......booking a lot of holidays, off to costa rica in January and then back to the Maldives in April, both to go on surf trips. And then next weekend, I'm off on a work trip for two weeks to Fiji, hong kong and indonesia....good to be out of town.

Now the interesting part. I posted here a while ago about whether I would meet anyone again and what will happen to me.....particularly as there was a very cute account exec who works on our advertising. Well it turns out last week after a long day of work, we went for a drink together....and since then we've seen each other another two times for dates. She is lovely, very pretty and a nice person. I know I'm not ready for anything, as i still miss my W, but I feel like I may not meet someone like this again......plus she is going on the work trip with us, so that will be awkward, as we have to keep this a secret.

I spent today with some friends and their kids, and that's probably what has made me sad, as I may never have that and I still feel I wrecked that chance. With Christmas coming up I can imagine it will be tough, and the feelings and pain will be strong again.
It's so surreal to think this time last year we were decorating our house and planning Christmas in America......how life changes and so quick!

[NTX_Dad]

Cam - it sounds like you are slowly healing. There will be ups and downs for a while to come, but soon the ups will FAR outnumber the downs.

[cam]

Haven't posted in a while....things have been getting better in life....I feel like I am slowly getting back to my old self.

Update:
I've been seeing a lot of this girl from our advertising agency....she is great and we get on extremely well. I am starting to worry its too good and too soon....plus she doesn't know my background. The first night we hooked up (we only kissed!) we were at a drinks after work and we ended up having a huge night (lots of drinks)...I told her about my ex and how long we were together. Later in the night she was asking more questions, and we were very drunk and I said I was married. I don't think she heard or comprehended it as there wasn't much reaction. And since then she has referred to my W as my ex-girlfriend. I don't know what to do and how to tell her. I know I need to, but I am worried it will just scare her off - it doesn't make me look like the most attractive catch then. I need to do it soon before this goes any further, but it is so hard to do as everything so far has been fun and great with her. I just feel she will run away as I have so much sh!t to deal with.

Now for my W. I came to the realisation a few weeks ago that I don't want to keep trying to reconcile this with her, that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me and would walk away so easily. So I asked my lawyer to proceed with settlement negotiations. This has started and its now getting very very ugly....she is asking for a significant amount of money that I earned and had in our joint account which I have moved to another account. Her lawyer is stating that they will file for court action.....I am still shocked that it has come to this.
I think she may be realising that she is 32 years old, and would be lucky to have $10,000 to her name...and is now trying to get everything she can out of me.

Its strange, I still look back at all the great times and how much in love we were and how amazing our wedding was and can't understand or believe we are in this position. I still miss her as my best friend and W, and its still hard when my friends recently have babies, but I try not to let myself get too sad.

The IC has been good for me, I'm still doing it and understanding why I was the way I was with W and that its not all my fault. I still have regrets and know I always will and I don't think this wound will ever heal. I know I have let my W, myself and my family down, but I can only do my best now going forward and be a better person.
It's funny, since I've been hanging out with this new girl I have consciously been trying to be the nicest guy and do all the things my W said I should have done....I feel a lot happier and this girl seems to love it and thinks I'm wonderful (she even wants to take me back to her home state over new years to meet her family - yep, way too soon!) Hence why I'm so scared to tell her my history and scare her off.

If anyone has gone through this tricky situation it would be good to hear how it was approached.

[NTX_Dad]

Cam - good to hear from you.

I know it might be scary, but I think you need to tell her the truth ASAP. In doing so now, it may bring things to an end as you fear. But chances are, it WON'T scare her away and you'll be starting this new relationship on the right foot with nothing but honesty.

Keeping it a secret for a while longer may give a short term benefit, but will most likely not end well when it surfaces.

We are all learning to better ourselves - so be the best Cam you can be and be HONEST and not start a new relationship built on deception.

[cam]

I told this new girl about my w. She didn't seem to care, and is very keen for a relationship. She's lovely, attractive and a nice girl. But I just keep comparing her to my w and then i miss my w even more.

My w is being horrible to me with the legal action. She is treating me so bad, it makes me feel like i was the worst husband to get this. We had a pretty tough weekend before Christmas with her coming to the house to clean it out and get her things. Both of us in tears the whole time.
Christmas was very tough, I never heard from her and didn't expect to. But first time in 8 yrs apart....i often wonder if she's happy with what has happened and this is what she wanted.
Feeling very down and sad again today.
God i wish I could go back and make things right....i miss her so much still.

[NTX_Dad]

Cam - how have you been?