My Ex is falling apart....

[luvless]

Hey guys, I wanted to update and let you know it's been almost 2 years exactly when all this mess started. In Nov 09 I got the "im not happy" speech from my ex and now almost 3 weeks to the day I get "the text." He is texting and calling me that he is not ok.

That is his life is over...he wants to walk...away from everything...I say to him, "go ahead it won't be the first time you left us."

Anyway my point is I got a slew of text that he is miserable and financially ruined. Please note that this poor man is a bank VP with a very high salary. I guess the text he sent me a couple weeks ago how he was happier than ever without me might be contradictory - ya think?

I don't wish him bad but I have to say it's so hard to see him like this. The irony? I've been feeling a real sense of peace lately.

Luv

[kml]

Yeah, funny, you'd expect the VP of a bank could have figured out that two households were gonna be more expensive than one - but hey, MLC makes idiots of a lot of people.

Obviously, the underlying depression wasn't helped by his affairs or the divorce - he got his "freedom" but is finally figuring out he just takes his unhappiness with him.

I think you can be kind, try to point out to him that he might be depressed and should maybe see somebody. I know we really don't want to see them suffer, and for our kids' sake, would prefer the WAS to be functional and stable.

I am actually grateful that my ex seems happy with his new young girlfriend (she had nothing to do with the divorce, except in the abstract - she is actually the second woman he dated since he left). For a while there he looked so depressed I had worries about him becoming suicidal. It was hard for me to let go of feeling responsible for him, even after he'd dumped me.

I have let go of that now though. Not my problem.

[ClingingToHope]

I haven't let go like KML. I too feel peace that XW hasn't found anyone and is struggling financially. I know that's bad, but that's still my feelings.

[luvless]

kml - yeah he just sounds miserable but I don't take responsibility for it. He left here miserable and still is. In one breath he says, "he's over" and in another talks about remarrying. Crazy! You'd think he'd learn to keep away from "dependents" for a while.

CTH - I don't feel happy that he is a mess but I do hope he realizes when he was with me - he wasn't!

Luv

[ClingingToHope]

And then what?

The MWD books talk about how within five years 75 percent of the WAS wish they'd stuck it out. Finances are a mess. They are lonely.

But what happens if he/she figures that out? Will they really ever be any happier?

[luvless]

CTH - I think if they are ever happy it's gonna be a long time. In my case mine has made such a mess of everything. He hasn't even sustained his relationship with the kids. They all feel so betrayed by him still.

gabbys - I do not dwell on what he is doing or feeling. I do hope he has some clarity and can open his eyes to the truth. I asked mine if he had a million dollars would things be better he said, "no." He says he's miserable and lonely then in another breath that he's happy. I don't know and almost don't care anymore.

I am rebuilding that's for sure. He knocked the wind out of me and my self worth for a while there. What an awful feeling but never again. I know what I am worth.


Luv

[cat03]

It was hard for me to let go of feeling responsible for him

Women are such presidents of the home improvement committee, lol... I had the same thing happen to me, I was his emotional blanket, and then he found a new gf *wham* he was gone and back to his old lying self...

Don't answer all his texts and don't have long convos... you need to look after yourself and healing totally means distancing yourself from him. You sound awesome, keep up the good work!

[Coyote]

Really enjoyed reading all this when I was lurking. Certainly helped to put things in perspective.

Yup, things do move forward. We did what we can but in the end they chose it. Personally, I have few regrets.

[antlers]

We can only hope that 'what goes around, comes around'.

But if we're doing what we should be doing, we should be too busy living our own lives to be concerned with what they're doing.

I do think that living well is the best revenge...and not revenge on them, but revenge on the painful past.

[ClingingToHope]

A couple of great lines.

"The best revenge is a life well lived."

"The road to success is always under construction."

But Antlers I may tuck away your line "If we're doing what we should be doing, we should be too busy living our own lives to be concerned with what they're doing."

I really like that one.