Trying to make it to the bye week

[cjackson968]

I haven't checked your postings or been on this site since the last time I wrote you and something told me to check it today. I just want you to know you can't concentrate on what she's doing with him. Everything that is going on in her life doesnt matter, t-shirts, websites, etc. Those are set-backs... attempts from the devil to keep you off course.
I look at it like this... This OM came and took your W's mind, but you still have her heart and she has your heart. There is not one thing that OM can do that will steal her heart from you. You just have to help her regain her sense of direction, which is her mind. The way to lead her is through Christ. Invite her to church with you, take it slow, keep it friendly and let God work in her life. By taking these steps and leading her to God, you would be amazed what will happen. Trust me, her heart is fine, her mind is what is being manipulated and destroyed. No matter if she is your W or XW don't let go of her if you truly care for her not only in the physical but also in the spiritual. Take everyone else out of your M, friends, family, get rid of all the hearsay. The girls that you are meeting will never compare to your W. In your heart you will still love her and will always feel empty because in a marriage two people become one and a part of you is now missing. Lead her to a relationship with God like you have been led into a relationship with God and if your heart wants the marriage rekindled then by faith know that God will restore it. This is more than you and her, this is about her and God. And it's quite possible, that only you can help lead her to him. Take yourself out of the picture you will be okay, take her hand and lead her, she needs you and God sometimes calls us as stewards to lead others. This is your opportunity to help her gain salvation. Please trust me in this...

[25yearsmlc]

I haven't checked your postings or been on this site since the last time I wrote you and something told me to check it today. I just want you to know you can't concentrate on what she's doing with him. Everything that is going on in her life doesnt matter, t-shirts, websites, etc. Those are set-backs... attempts from the devil to keep you off course.
I look at it like this... This OM came and took your W's mind, but you still have her heart and she has your heart. There is not one thing that OM can do that will steal her heart from you. You just have to help her regain her sense of direction, which is her mind.

The way to lead her is through Christ. Invite her to church with you, take it slow, keep it friendly and let God work in her life.


so sorry to disagree with such loving sounding advice, but MTS is not her h anymore. She divorced him and is with OM as far as we know. MTS must detach and at least appear to move on.

IMO, he has no control over her and any attempts by him "to lead her" will backfire.

Plus there is a strong chance, statistically, that she will never come back.

MTS must prepare for that, even while hoping she returns.

The longer MTS stays stuck pretending he has some control in this relationship, the worse off HE will be...prayer is good and I support that. But MTS ONLY controls MTS.

She's simply not in a position to pretend that he is her h ...in HER mind and heart, he is her buddy and good friend but is NOT the "right man for her"

and maybe not even the buddy she can rely to be waiting for her...




By taking these steps and leading her to God, you would be amazed what will happen. Trust me, her heart is fine, her mind is what is being manipulated and destroyed. No matter if she is your W or XW don't let go of her if you truly care for her not only in the physical but also in the spiritual. Take everyone else out of your M, friends, family, get rid of all the hearsay.

The girls that you are meeting will never compare to your W. In your heart you will still love her and will always feel empty because in a marriage two people become one and a part of you is now missing.

Lead her to a relationship with God like you have been led into a relationship with God and if your heart wants the marriage rekindled then by faith know that God will restore it. This is more than you and her, this is about her and God. And it's quite possible, that only you can help lead her to him.

[b]
Take yourself out of the picture you will be okay, take her hand and lead her, [/b

you don't say "how" this is to be done. And it confuses me to say "take yourself out" and then tell him to control and lead her. I think this will be a spectacular setback for MTS...and that the only signs of her awakening at all, have happened after he gives her tons of space and begins to deal with the cards he was dealt....

Please do not confuse "standing for marriage" with standing still and being stubborn or not adapting to reality.

This is not about being right, but about being happy, and yes I believe that is God's will for us.

she needs you and God sometimes calls us as stewards to lead others. This is your opportunity to help her gain salvation. Please trust me in this...

MTS, I've read your entire thread. I wish it were the way cjackson says.

and Maybe it is...

but I've said my peace. Be well

[jon2911]

Good thoughts all, wouldn't be fun around here if we all agreed all the time.

MTS, I've been following your sitch and it looks like I'll be in the same place in 2 weeks. Very hard to know what to do after that, friendship, etc. Hang in there.

[MadeToSucceed]

It's been forever and then some since I've ventured back to the board and largely out of just "trying to stay away." I've working on healing and just finding ways to move on but inside there is still a huge part of me that is "stuck."

Its been since October when we last had any communication. I have no clue what she is doing but I'm fairly confident that things with OM are still ongoing. She hasn't reached out to me at all, nor have I to her.

The holidays were rough. I found myself thinking about her alot but all the same, I've done quite a bit of traveling the past couple months.

I finished out my Fall semester strong and now I'm only 3 classes and a 10 day study abroad trip in May away from graduating with my MBA.

My brother has moved in to my apt with me. I'm trying to help him get on track in life (he's 22 and was struggling in college) and in a therapeutic way it is really helping me also. There is a woman that I'm "seeing" that I like a lot. She is a couple years older than me and we have some mutual friends. She's aware of my sitch and has been very understanding and isn't rushing me into anything. It has been comforting to have someone to spend time with though and someone that genuinely expresses her appreciation for me just as a person.

At the same time, I still have a ways to go. I've been having dreams about my ex and I don't know why. Sometimes I wonder where she is or what she's doing or does she think about me like I do her and then I get frustrated with myself.

25 told me to take it in 3 month chunks and then reassess. Well the last time she and I had a dialogue was at mediation in mid Oct. After her "I miss u" email in mid November, I haven't gotten one peep from her.

I spent New Years with friends but we were actually at a house right down the street from my old house and for a moment I found myself staring out the window and just wondering "how did I get here?"

I've been trying to shake it but for whatever reason I still wonder. This is kind of a stream of consciousness so hopefully I didn't confuse everyone. I'll try to look through some of your sitches and get caught up. It's been a while since I've been on here but I appreciate and value you all more than you know.

People continue to tell me they think that this is all going to come crashing down around her at some point and that she's going to come back but I just can't see it and honestly, don't know what I'd do if that happened. I have a scar that runs deep and I just don't know how to heal it entirely.

I'm continuing to trust my faith and just find productive ways to keep my mind off of it but it is tough sometimes still. Not as tough as before but I have days that are harder than others. Today is one of them for some reason.

[westcoastfella]

Glad to hear that you're doing okay, MTS. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in the face of such a life event is what you're doing -- just roll with the flow of things and take everything one day at a time. Your life will come together as it is meant to.

[jbnati]

MTS, I'm glad to see you post out here again. I hope you're still tearing it up in the GAL area. I hope you're finding some healthy distractions.

People continue to tell me they think that this is all going to come crashing down around her at some point and that she's going to come back but I just can't see it and honestly, don't know what I'd do if that happened. I have a scar that runs deep and I just don't know how to heal it entirely.

I agree with this. I think this will be the case someday. However, that "someday" may be too late. You would have to decide if YOU would take her back in the event she would ever WANT to come back.

You're still in my thoughts and prayers, brother.

[MadeToSucceed]

Yesterday was a tough day. Not really sure why. It all seemed just as fresh as it did the first few months for whatever reason. I suppose I have a bit of anxiety because there's a strong chance I may run into her in the next two months and I really don't know what to do if I do. It's kind of crazy. Haven't seen her or spoken to her in over 3 months now.

Today I have a long day at work so I'm going to try to be productive as possible. I think I'm going to look into possibly starting to see a counselor again but one that is not at my church this time.

[MadeToSucceed]

Minor setback today so I need to rant real quick. Saw someone I know tweet my XW today and so I ended up clicking on her profile and looking at pictures she's posted. Turns out she went with OM to Hawaii last week. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon.

What is bothering me here is the fact that I still "care." It still impacts me to some extent and I still come here or to a couple of close friends to vent. I bet she doesn't look at my twitter or Facebook or talk to anyone else about me like I'm talking to you all. If anything, she's probably still smearing my name and trying to make me out to be the bad guy.

I truly felt I've been doing a lot better but it's days like today that I get frustrated all over again.

[labug]

I wouldn't apologize for still caring, you lost something you loved. You would be quite the unusual person if your feelings died that quickly.

Accept your feelings for what they are and tomorrow is a new day.

[jbnati]

MTS, always feel free to come here and vent. I agree with labug. You wouldn't be human if you didn't still care. I think it just shows your character. It doesn't matter what she's doing or not doing.

Hang in there, man.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.