Ok so my last thread was locked...I hope those who posted on my last thread will find this one.
25...you are right I have always been focused on the negative. (one of the many things I have been working to change) My IC tells me that I am emotional stunted, due to childhood issues. I have been working very hard on letting go of the past focusing on the future. Easier said than done...I am afraid. I am really not young at all (39). As far as expecting things in return ...I guess I never saw it that way but do now. I was doing things in hopes of getting her attention. I have to do them to just do them. Not worry about if she sees them or cares that I did them. Just do it....I am also trying to think of something daily that I am thankful for. So, the first think I am thankful for is the time I have had with my family. Instead of being tossed out on the street (which most women would have done, and she had every right to do) she has allowed me to live in the home. Even in the same room at night.
I really do not try and make things all about me...in my head things sound great, then I put them on paper and it comes out horribly wrong. That is why I am terrified to write anything (or say much for that matter) in a aniver. card. I dont want to make things worse. I know to avoid the "I"; "ME"; "US"; "OUR"....but can anyone offer any suggestions. I dont want to pressure her in anyway but let her know how I feel and let her know that I do love her. Thanks to all who have helped.
Not sure why but sitting at my desk completely focused on work. That has not been easy of late. A huge wave of anxiety washes over me. Mind is spinning cant think about work at all. Can only think about the W leaving me and telling me she doesnt want to work it out. I dont even know where that came from.......I wasnt even thinking about her. Guess I let my guard down to much. Ugh I hate this...parts of me wants her to just get it over with so we can both start to heal and move on, although I dont know that I ever could really "MOVE ON". I know this all has to happen at her pace just been a really long 4 1/2 months....which I have learned isnt a lot of time for this sort of thing. I am really scared and I know I cant show it. Feel a little bit like a duck on a lake. Every thing seems nice and calm on the surface but just below the surface he paddling like crazy. I kind of dread going home afraid I am going to say something stupid......will have to stay out of my own head for sure tonight or I will let it go and that is not a good idea.
So my Annvi. is next week and I start my new job the same day. My anxiety level is a bit high. W and I have been having a good time of late laughing and joking around. She has been teasing me because I lost my wedding ring down the drain. I have lost 145 lbs over the last two years and I never got it resized and it slipped right off my finger right down the drain. She told me it was ok because she thinks if we stay together she wants a new wedding band set anyway. I was like ok, but I admit I feel a little lost with out it. Been on my finger for nearly 13 years. I am trying not to let the small stuff phase me much. She made plans Saturday night to hang out with her girlfriends. I was a little peeved (inside not outwardly) because I was thinking of taking her out for a meal or something nice for the anniv. but she said not much to celebrate this year. So just rolling with it.
I was a little peeved (inside not outwardly) because I was thinking of taking her out for a meal or something nice for the anniv. but she said not much to celebrate this year. So just rolling with it.
What do you have to be peeved about? You committed adultery, violated the trust of your W and she has stuck by your so far and SHE TOLD YOU she didn't want to do anything considering the past year. What do you expect?
You are darn lucky to be any position you are now. I hope you take some time to reflect on that and really count your blessings instead of being "peeved". Inward, outward it doesn't matter you shouldn't be mad AT ALL.
I know it's a trap when things start to improve to think that you are entitled to even the smallest things from your W. And get mad when they don't happen. You need to let go of that for now and for the next year or so.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
She has been teasing me because I lost my wedding ring down the drain.
I have lost 145 lbs over the last two years and I never got it resized and it slipped right off my finger right down the drain.
She told me it was ok because she thinks if we stay together she wants a new wedding band set anyway. I was like ok, but I admit I feel a little lost with out it. Been on my finger for nearly 13 years.
This sounds like a lie. If you lost your ring AND you were actually committed to your marriage, you would have opened up the pipe to retrieve it. If that didn't work or you didn't know how to do it, you would have called a plumber immediately.
You would be tearing the sink apart to get it back. Sounds like you are doing some kind of high school poetry exercise - use an experience to describe your state of mind.
Your ring and your marriage are going down the drain and you aren't doing anything about it.
This board is full of lots of helpful advice... at least be decent enough to use honesty.
So after the ring slipped down the drain, what did you do?
I think the idea of getting new rings is a great one. How can you not see the positivity in that statement of HERS? Geez don't ignore hope when it is thrown in your face...
She means you could have a new m between you two. (If you don't blow things)
Maybe next year that can be your goal, getting her to recommit to the m by your next anniversary. That does not mean you have to be in limbo hell until then
but as for a true recommitment, next year makes more sense.
For now, be loving to her. Not needing for you, but loving to and for her.
It might be a first for you but it's a life lesson you really need to learn and it's better late than never.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
