My wife and I suffered a severe financial hardship. I ran a high flying tech firm and it crashed in '09 with the financial meltdown. I have been struggling ever since and through miraculous strength and perserverance have clawed my way out of the nightmare financial situation (I PG'd a lot of corporate debt) and have in the last 6 months brought in enough consulting money to almost support us.
In the meantime, she got her old job back and has wasted no opportunity to remind me that she is the 'breadwinner'. She has been really hard on me for not finding a job and frankly I have had a lot of excuses and for the most part I have admittedly neglected her.
We have two toddlers and her life long dream was to go to get her masters. We both made a lot of sacrifices and rearranged our lives so she could do this.
Three weeks into her new school she tells me she wants me out, she wants a separation and she's having an emotional affair with a classmate and that it's only a matter of time for it to become physical.
She's very confused. She says she still loves me very much but her feelings for this guy are very strong. She agreed to talk to a counselor solo (no joint at this stage) but has not made an appointment.
In the meantime, I have done a 180. I have been really stepping up around the house, doing all of the things she used to nag me about. I have been extra attentive and engaged with her when she gives me the time to talk and have been actively looking for ways to help her out. It may be working but it's hard to tell. She told a friend who told me that she thought we had a really good talk the other day.
So from a strategy POV I am torn. My heart tells me to do the 80's movie John Cusack thing - woo her, make her videos, notes and come up with creative ways to show her what I love about her and make her feel loved and wanted. But a close mentor says be careful as that cutesy goofy stuff only works in the movies and that I should take a mature, adult approach - it's not about "winning" her back, but it's a process and about finding happiness. Be the strong hand and tell her no matter what, I want her to be happy. Appeal to her to try and fix it for a period of time at least and see if we can make it work to prove I can be the man I was and she wants.
This is obviously a group with a lot of experience. What's the call? Do I do the romantic fairy tale route or could that just make her think I am insincere and force her to run? Or should I follow my friend's advice.
I think I have a slight shot at winning this but I have no clock left so I need to figure out what to do, act fast and be brilliant. Help!
I'm not sure why you did not get a response! I am so glad to respond. I will say this. My wife and I have two girls 2 1/2 and almost 5. We separated and for me it is the best thing that could have happened. I have had the time to rethink what has been occurring and look at myself.
Friends and family have the best intentions for us, however the ONLY THING that really matters is what we feel is best in our heart and soul.
I told myself I will give this thing everything I have got (you have more trying in you than you may think, even over months or longer).
If it is too toxic at home, I would say consider a separation. It gives you both breathing room.
This is the big leagues of life. These experiences are not for the faint of heart. Hang on. What has happened since you last posted?
