Little help? My W is planning a part at our house this weekend with people from her office, including her boss and his W. Her boss....well, you could read my past threads....but he and my W work closely together, have become friendly, and may have had a budding EA during the past year. For the past 3-4 months may W has made thier interactions a bit more professional, probably as a result of my concerns which I shared with her. She enjoys the social interctions and attention (from guys, not so much from women), and flirts as a way to gain acceptance when she is nervous. We have the common problem in Ms where one person puts time and energy into looking good for others, but not their spouse. OK, well you get the idea. Made progress DBing and things are much better, but this is going to be a challenge. I resisted having this party, for obvious reasons. Maybe nothing really happened or maybe it is over. Either way, I do not want this man in my house, around my kids. But neverthess the party is on. So my question. How do I make it through this party without an argument? How do I DB my way through this???? Help.
SL, recently I have been involved in my own drama so I have not kept up here. I apologize if I missed something pertinent.
The party is on. You cannot gracefully bow out.
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Maybe nothing really happened or maybe it is over.
That is a lot of maybe to risk alienating her in light of:
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For the past 3-4 months may W has made thier interactions a bit more professional, probably as a result of my concerns which I shared with her.
Will your guests be bringing their children? If not what about asking if a family member or close trusted friend can watch your children overnight. Doing so will remove one stressor.
While not the same concerns as yours when I have had guests over for a party that I felt less than comfortable about, but had to entertain none the less I resolved to become so busy there would be no room for allowing the stress to enter. I tried to be everywhere at once as the perfect host.
We had teenage parties, so it was important to keep an eye especially on the dark corners of the basement.
This is speculation; your W could be testing you here.
Smile and calmly facilitate the perfect party. Try and think of it as a 180.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hope you're doing ok today. Thanks for the advice - I know you've been busy. I agree - this is a bit of a test. I'm interested to see how boss' W is this w/e. These parties go late and involve a lot of drinking, so I'm arranging for the kids to be away. Otherwise, I'm trying to look at this as an opportunity to do something nice for my W - something she'll enjoy even if I don't. I feel fortunate that things have improved - I don't totally understand why but it's forward progress.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I'm not a big drinker. And won't go anywhere near the beer this weekend. I'll stay busy grilling and handling the kids. Very busy. Decided my reward would be sitting down to watch the Ravens - Steelers game Sunday, IF all goes well.
A quick update. Survived the party. Made it a point to be a big help preparing in the days before and during. Managed a house full of kids while her office relaxed. Was up that night feeling sick - some food someone brought, I think. Seemed a success. W wasn't completely happy with how it turned out, but oh well. W wore a pretty low top and kept leaning WAY over the table towards her boss. Boss really did spend most of his time talking with W, directing most of his jokes her way. Maybe I'm just sensitive. In a room of 8 people, he was directing his attention to her at least 75% of the time. Caught a couple of glances from boss' W that seemed to indicate that she noticed, but that was it - nothing obvious. Everyone seemed to leave happy. Spent the next day with the kids, watching the game, and cleaning up. Never once expressed any frustration with the party. I'll call that a success!
Find myself slipping a bit. So busy and tired...work, kids. Developed a foot problem (all the running) that will keep my from running (sometimes walking) for a few months. W's parents want to move in next door. Geting exhausted and worn out. W has some business travel coming up. Makes it harder to do my thing, be confident and strong. Find myself negative a lot - sometimes W and I bond over the complaints of our day, and I like hearing anything ressembling frustration about her boss. But it's not good, and surely not attractive. Time to step back and get it together. I've learned that working harder just makes me tired, have to work SMARTER, especially with the kids. Just journaling. So much other - important stuff - going on on the board.
Got it together some this week. Ok, just too busy. Both W and I are are exhausted. Her solution is having her parents move in across the street, so......one more thing to resolve.
Found out that the office trip W is attending with several women from her office includes her boss, who they will meet up with there. W did not mention this - not surprising, I suppose. Just shows that she's keeping some things to herself.
Also found out that we will be able to take a temporary position to work in another country for several months - the whole family on a great adventure! We'd been hoping for this opportunity, so that 's great. W will work remotely from there. Hope this is a good thing,
