How do you handle the XW that wants to be friends

[Onthemountaintop]

Eat, pray, love is the perfect example. I HATE that movie !

I hated it, too. I was looking for something to fire me up towards building a new relationship and that movie took me the other way for a bit. At the same time, I could relate because that is what my wife (still waiting for that x next to wife thanks to her excessive court trips) acted like. It was as though she heard someone whisper that I was the guy wrecking her life and that only by escaping could she be free.

How often does running away free someone?

When those thoughts pop up, I have to remind myself that I did good to put in a lot of work and time toward a healthier marriage instead of being a coward.

Hope your month has been improving,

[whitneypinch]

Hello OTMT,

Thanks for the post.

It's amazing in that movie that while Julia's character is continuing to search for "something" that all her X's have happy lives with families etc.

I have 2 kids so I can't seem to get off the constant roller coaster.

My X asked again for us all to have dinner. This time I finally said no.
My 8 year old daughter always has tears after we all get together.
It's just not worth it for me or my daughter.
For the life of me I don't get why my XW wants us all to get together knowing the hurt it causes. I guess it's her guilt and she figures enough time has passed that we can all be buddies.

Anyway, enough about my X.

Hope you are doing well OTMT !

[Onthemountaintop]

I'm not sure which time zone you're in, but the fact that it's the wee hours of the night is probably a good sign that I should be sleeping, not writing on a work night!

My STBXW takes my KG daughter (1/2 day) on my days against my wishes and then brings her back. She thinks that more contact is good for our kids, regardless. Like you, I find my little girl crying when she does this. I think it is too much for them to go from only one parent to the other parent and then back to a mixture.

One real opposite in our situations...my STBXW doesn't want to even see my face. I'm pretty sure she figures her guilt and regrets are best controlled by intential anger and bad-will. Regardless of why your x is doing what she is, be thankful she's not out to hurt you! To have someone you wanted to love hate you every child-exchange is a nightmare.

In the end, a bit of tears means there's something to talk about...it doesn't mean it's something bad unless there's no one to talk to about those feelings (you). You're D is hardly fresh, but I wonder if kids re-experience it at random times as they grow and develop.

I think you mentioned in one of your posts that your counselor reminded you that your wife's rejection wasn't of the family. I wonder if somehow your kids feel there's a family intact but living apart?

Maybe there's a win-win situation that can be made where you spend holidays together for structured activities? IDK; just 2c.

I am definately shutting this computer off...I'm pretty sure I'm rambling! GN.

[imalright]

I read a few posts here. Haven't been here for some time. But, I do have "history"; what works, what doesn't. Advice..uhmmm Well, we all have our opinions, but, what is that little voice telling you to do? Long time for me, I have done wrong things, right things and know the difference now.
Been through the divorce and seeing him marry the Op. But, I have waited it out and now seeing the other side of this; his regrets. So is it possible to stand after a divorce and marriage to the Op; darn right. Will many wait? Not many. Seen "FireProof" movie?