I know you hoped for more. For me personally, as a man, that response is a friendly response back. Potentially end of conversation.
My first response to you on this thread was that I thought it would be better for your healing heart to leave this matter alone.
But I understand why you wanted to pursue it. Love is a powerful thing, and very difficult to let go.
The part that is potentially sad right now is that you were in a place of relative peace and emotional health PRIOR to contacting him. I hope you can return to that place, should he decide NOT to contact you further.
Because the ball is in HIS court now, RIGHT?
You are NOT going to jump into PURSUIT mode now, RIGHT?
When we were young, our parents used to tell us that there were lots of fish in the sea - remember? This guy is not the only guy who will float your boat. But you have to be willing to let him go before you can find others, I think.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
but what about the direct route? why not just ask?
"It was nice to run into you again, but i want to be sure you're ok with my conversations, if not its ok, i still wish you the best."
of course it has the potential to be taken as fishing, or lack of esteem, but i think if worded better it could be more like "hey, i like it, but can take it or leave it, its all the same,"
but i also agree with the others, you can let it ride and see if he responds with more. that will also give you his answer.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
No. No pursuit. For now at least I am putting a period on it. No worse for trying, in fact I feel better. I appreciate concern about opening scar tissue. I'm just an enthusiastic person. Many in this community are in the midst of disintegrating relationships and are pretty raw. On the fringe of changes they didn't want. I am 2.5 years outside and my wound is past bleeding. If I never see or speak to him again, I am still fine and I'm going to have a good life. Eventually I'd surely meet another fish. I threw this man a ball because I still miss him. I still love him and have a notion that he still loves me too. If its so, there is hope. I do not have the rosey glasses on, I remember all of it. Both of us would have to be willing to sort out the issues. I know we could come through this, but only if we both wanted it. I agree his texts reveal little reason I should continue. Although they also can't be measured on a normal scale. This guy has tremendous male pride. He does not want to appear weak or soft. He's a self made man with principles + values who has overcome some history. Until he was 4 he was passed along to different family members. His wealthy dad then took him in but his stepmom never treated him well because he was the son of his dads ow. Dad was strict + punitive, died with no will leaving all to wife who cut off medical school funds. Intense dynamics with sibs from both families. His older brother was murdered. Get the idea? Our 5 year r was his longest by 3.5 years. He never told me he loved me. Instead said "words are cheap. People say things with no meaning every day. Men tell their wives they love them yet cheat + lie. That word is not important. Watch my actions and you will know my feelings" He did tell me he felt more for me than anyone before. Not too damaged, he is actually very capable of honest meaningful dialogue. This guy will not put himself in a vulnerable spot. It doesn't necessarily mean he's only replying in politeness. In any case, I'm letting off the pressure. He may text again but I doubt it. If I have a next move, it would be to text again down the road, or even better if divine intervention has us running into each other. This time I'd say It was good to hear from him via text and if he'd like to call sometime to chat + catch up that would be cool. If he calls I will be his friend. From there, who knows. Meanwhile, I keep being me.
This eve a friend who knew him stopped by + asked how these texts were going. I read her our last exchanges. Told her he didn't give me enough reason to justify putting my heart in danger. She said he absolutely did - that considering I'm dealing with a caveman, he has stuck his neck out in responding.(3 friends now all agree its more meaingful than he makes it sound) She also said no way would he text me if he had a woman in his life, or if he didn't want to talk. She pointed out that all of my messages could be ambiguous also. She suggested I invite him to an outdoor concert + tell him I'll be with friends if he wants to join us. Then its not a "date" but a friendly hang outing. If he comes, + if it goes well I could then suggest a drink or late dinner someplace following the show. She thinks if I suggest he can call somtime that he won't want to make that big step. But meeting in a group for a casual eve might be less risky for him. She's fully encouraging me - saying I have northing to lose. I am going to an event in a park fri night, but I think I'll still give it a rest. We had nice contact, I don't want to press. But I will reach out again when I feel ready. I have a neighbor who just reconciled with a woman he broke up with 10 years ago. They are on cloud 9. She had married + divorced in the interum. My friends parents reconciled after many years divorced. I'm going to a wedding in 2 wks for a couple that patched things up after a 2 year seperation. I know odds are against it, but it does happen. The other night I got a phone call from the boyfriend I had nearly 25 years ago. He says he knows I didn't get what I deserved from him and if he knew then what he knows now, things would've been differtent for us. He said at that time he thought these things just happen easily + often but now he realizes that its special + magic to meet someone to connect with. - I was blown away. That he even thinks of me! And proves that when you love, a piece of it endures. He wasn't attempting to reconnect, just wanted me to know he remembers me + acknowledges he blew it. Life is strange. Love is mysterious. And can be wonderful. My story w my exbf may not be over yet. I am doing ok with this uncertainty. I remain happy. I may be back here for piecing advice yet!
I'm baaaack! haha. Last I tuned in here I had put a period on the texting. He was responding to each message but by content impossible to determine if it could mean anything. I had said if it's meant to be... the universe should give me a sign. So after not laying eyes on the man for over a year, I suddenly started to see him, or his car on the road more exactly, several times throughout August. Pretty sure he didn't see me though. Over 2.5 million people in my borough. Just seeing him on the road is remarkable. For perspective sake consider I live a mile away from my exh and never have seen him once in 6 years. What could it mean that we are at same place at the same time so often? then Yesterday when I stepped out I had a huge surprise to find his car parked in front of my house! My knees trembled and my heart pounded. What could his car be doing on my block?! When I reached home from work it was gone and I thought what a crazy coincidence and I supposed something that random can't happen again. Wrong! Today I was out walking and he shouted out to me in surprise... I was walking right past him. Gosh! He looks great. And he was happy to see me. We talked for quite a while, like seeing a long lost pal. We were both smiling and conversation was easy. We had a few laughs. And I know there's something still there - I could see it on his face, and I could feel it. So it turns out he's got a work project around the corner from me until Tuesday. After 15-20 minutes I told him he should get back to work and that I had to go get ready for my day. He said "I'll see you later". I know it's just an expression, but I want to read it as a little slip of the tongue meaning he wants to see me later. I feel soooo good today. Just to see him.... put sunshine into my day. Tomorrow there's a huge festival in my neighborhood and I had asked him if he was going to step out to see the parade and he said he can't break from the job so he'll miss it. I will be getting lunch out at the event and meeting friends at my house. The food vendors will be selling food from his country. So now I'm considering getting him a plate of his favorite food and deliver it to him at his job site on my way home. And then .... what!? I won't be able to hang out cuz i'll be meeting girlfriends in my garden. But I think this could be the "sign" I hoped the universe would throw me. If I bring him lunch - I may also be bold enough to suggest he call me sometime if he wants to chat or go catch a movie or have a drink, whatever. Maybe he'll say no thanks, and I will put it all to rest. Or maybe he'll say "ok, that sounds good" I think it means something that he randomly parked in front of my building. And that I happened to be walking by his job site just after he had stepped out for a minute. Coincidence? Destiny? Divine assistance? Hmmm...
Well I didn't bring him food or walk by his job site again. But I sent him a text basically saying it was good to see him. That I've missed him. That I'm not intending to stir up anything, but if he ever wants to give me a friendly call it'd be cool. I didn't actually say anything too far out. But honestly, if an ex sent me that msg, I would make conclusions about intentions. So... now I've FINALLY stuck myself out there and we'll see if he bites. If not, so be it. If he calls or text response I will move so slow I'll make turtles look fast. I will be a friend only unless and until he leads it elsewhere.
Good luck to you RinseRepeat. It would be nice if you hear back! A friendship would be cool.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
Thank you. He looked sooo good. Yummy. Truly a sight for sore eyes. And I could tell he was happy to see me. I think I will see him again. I really think he'll find his way back home yet.
Well well well. knock me over from shock. He texted this afternoon. With some kind words of approval over something I told him I'm up to. And a couple questions about something else. Surprise surprise. I waited a couple hours and replied with a lighthearted joke and then answered his questions. I am fairly certain I'll hear from him again. If I see this as some baby step of success, I will continue. Humor. Support and concern for his family. (genuine). More of same. And we'll see... I feel GOOD!
