Dealing with MLC wife and her supporting mother!

[1000ships]

Removed mistaken quote per request. : )

[1000ships]

I have read that 80% of MLC'ers come back to their marriages. Is there any truth to this stat?

No, it was spread around several years ago due to misinformation someone provided about something Jim Conway said--but he had not said it.

[missmyfriend]

Broken, you've received a lot of good advice. I want to add that you may want to seek outa a good Christian therapist and, if you haven't, join a men's bible study. Also, make sure you stay in the bible and continue to strengthen your R with God.

I would like to give you some advice that helps me:
1. Put God above all else, including your W and kids. Only then , can you be more like the man God intends you to be and to better handle this situation.
2. Forgive yourself, your wife and your MIL, even if your W and your MIL are not seeking it. You need to forgive them more for yourself than they need it.
3. DO NOT WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK. I use to worry about what others would think if they knew what happened and what my W is doing. You are focusing on the wrong thing. Trust God. With EVERYTHING.
4. Put on the armor of God everyday (Ephesians 6:10-18).
5. Ask yourself if you feel God is telling you to stand. Pray to Him, asking that He guide you in every way.
6. Don't treat your W as if you are better, more pious, or superior to her. Don't be a martyr. Love her as God instructs. (1 Corinthians 13)
7. Know this is a spiritual battle that you have no power but God does. Satan ids like a prowling lion looking for someone to devour. (I can get the scripture later since I'm writing this on my phone).
8. It is very easy to fall into the trap of the world's ways and to accept the same lies that people we love have fallen prey. We are not better than our spouses and can quickly succumb to the same traps. Again, the devil is a liar and would love to destroy you, your wife, your marriage, your children and your family as a whole. He cares nothing for you but what he can do to hurt God.
9. Trust God

[broken5150]

Missmyfriend,

Thank you so much for our reply. Man,to take the time to reply and give so much great advice from your PHONE, deserves a real big THANK YOU!

For a man to go through this ordeal, especially a hispanic man, and not end up in Jail, takes devine intervention. Yes my friend, I walk with the Lord. I've been a devout Levite for my church for the last 7 years. I attend West Pines Community Church. Their support, love and attention has been simply, OVERWHELMING.

I attend mens group every Monday. Worship rehearsal on Wednesdays and of course, service on Sundays. Within the last month or so, my prayer time has decreased. I blame NONE but MYSELF. I felt broken, tired and to be honest, USELESS. Everytime I spend time with my kids and have to bring them back to what was once my home, is gut wrenching and very emotional.

For a short time recently, I had decided to go on a date. I was really enjoying this other person but I soon came to realize that it was just a short fix to an existing problem. I believe this person was a distraction from the enenmy. All this venture did was to spend more money and take me away from my prayer life. I quickly caught on. So, I put an end to it, got back up and looked towards my holy father again.

Its so hard to see that no matter how hard I try to be good with her, despite of EVERYTHING she has put me through, she still rips me to pieces.

To be honest with all of you, my heart tells me this is going to blow through. When I pray, I pray for knowledge, wisdom and patience. Ive been recently praying for a decent place to live. Someplace I can bring my kids to. Because, when she is out partying, they are with their grandmother bored out of their minds. They should be with me at those hours of the night.

When I call, I hear allot of screaming. There’s allot of tension building in that house. Allot of fighting between my wife and her mother. The enemy seems to be having fun there. Since the beginning of this whole ordeal, my wife has tamed down allot. She also claims to have NEVER said or done the things she did. Thank God for texts :o) When I show them to her, like the ones that she said that she no longer loved me and to move on with another woman, she claimed that she did not write it and that when she said to move on, it meant to get my life in order. WTH??? My reply was simply, “You and the babies are my life. Therefore, my life WAS in order”.

When I try to reason with her it is IMPOSSIBLE! She just won’t listen. She won’t go to counseling, she won’t take the kids to therapy and she will not go to therapy even for herself.

Today, I gave up and contacted a lawyer. Not for a divorce, but to receive some understanding of what my legal rights are. Basically, wether this separation is her fault or not, I am just flat out SCREWED! $1500 a month in child support! Yet, she can live in her home with her mom that pays ALL her bills and she gets to be with the babies if and when she decides to stay home.

Its so unfair that she decides to end our marriage and Im left struggling while she lives it up.

Im just taking things day by day and keeping my faith. The Lord as always proven to me that he answers in his time. And when he does, I will see that his result is and ALWAYS will be the best way.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me “missmyfriend”.

My the Lord bless and keep everyone going through this kind of mess.

Knees to the earth and eyes to the sky!

[broken5150]

Do all "Replay" stages last 2 years or more? Have there ever been any cases that it was shorter than 2 years?

[broken5150]

Hi Friends!

This past Friday, I took the day off to hang with the kids and took them to see Captain America. When I went to pick them up, my wife said that she wanted to go. This is the first time we had a “family outing” since we’ve been separated last Thanksgiving. However, she did not want to in the same car with us. She went in her own car.

Before the movie, we went to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch approx around 12:30 pm. When we sat at the table and ordered, I noticed yet another clue that this whole ordeal might be a MLC. She ordered liquor. This was a woman that would only drink on occasions, maybe twice a year and now she is ordering hard liquor at 12:30 pm about an hour after she woke up.

During our outing, her and I did NOT communicate at all. She spent the whole time glued to her phone texting. She must of excused herself from the table 4 times to go to the bathroom. Her whole demeanor and character was so strange to me. It was like this person somewhat looked like my wife but it was not her at all. It’s like I’m dealing with a teenager.

If you were to look at our scene at the restaurant from an outside point of view, it was like this…

We were all sitting at a long table and she was on the far end on the opposite side by herself texting and drinking while I was on the other side with the kids drawing and playing tic tac toe.

I felt so disconnected from her, yet, I still feel like there is hope and that I cant abandon her.

I’m trying to figure out what the heck did I just experience here??? Why did she come with us?

Of course, by the end of the weekend, she spewed more venom on me telling me that I have done so much damage to her and the kids and that the divorce papers are at the lawyers office still being worked on. (she’s been telling me this for 5 months already but, nothing yet).

Since we have been separated, this was the first time we went out together. So of course, I was able to tell the difference in her character and how she has changed and to be honest, I’m really worried about her. She used to be such a family orientated woman. She is no longer hanging out with married women or family orientated people. Her new crowd is a bunch of party going single people.

There is this one influence that I know about…She is her “new” best friend. She is the one that gets her into the clubs and is introducing my wife to new people.

I just can’t understand how she can NOT see the difference in her life. Our old lives were about hanging with our circle of friends that were all married and had SO much in common with us. Birthday parties, theme park trips, the whole nine yards. It’s all GONE now.

Still, when I communicate with my wife face to face, she still has that vacant expression on her face. Stressed out, bags under her eyes and it’s like she’s looking right through me when I talk to her. One moment she is telling me I’m not welcomed in her home, then 20 minutes later, she is telling me to come next week and help her clean it.

One thing I know for sure, the arguments and her character are not as brutal as they were when this first started. She has tamed down a bit and she is spending more time at home.

Any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated…

[broken5150]

Hi Friends!

This past Friday, I took the day off to hang with the kids and took them to see Captain America. When I went to pick them up, my wife said that she wanted to go. This is the first time we had a “family outing” since we’ve been separated last Thanksgiving. However, she did not want to in the same car with us. She went in her own car.

Before the movie, we went to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch approx around 12:30 pm. When we sat at the table and ordered, I noticed yet another clue that this whole ordeal might be a MLC. She ordered liquor. This was a woman that would only drink on occasions, maybe twice a year and now she is ordering hard liquor at 12:30 pm about an hour after she woke up.

During our outing, her and I did NOT communicate at all. She spent the whole time glued to her phone texting. She must of excused herself from the table 4 times to go to the bathroom. Her whole demeanor and character was so strange to me. It was like this person somewhat looked like my wife but it was not her at all. It’s like I’m dealing with a teenager.

If you were to look at our scene at the restaurant from an outside point of view, it was like this…

We were all sitting at a long table and she was on the far end on the opposite side by herself texting and drinking while I was on the other side with the kids drawing and playing tic tac toe.

I felt so disconnected from her, yet, I still feel like there is hope and that I cant abandon her.

I’m trying to figure out what the heck did I just experience here??? Why did she come with us?

Of course, by the end of the weekend, she spewed more venom on me telling me that I have done so much damage to her and the kids and that the divorce papers are at the lawyers office still being worked on. (she’s been telling me this for 5 months already but, nothing yet).

Since we have been separated, this was the first time we went out together. So of course, I was able to tell the difference in her character and how she has changed and to be honest, I’m really worried about her. She used to be such a family orientated woman. She is no longer hanging out with married women or family orientated people. Her new crowd is a bunch of party going single people.

There is this one influence that I know about…She is her “new” best friend. She is the one that gets her into the clubs and is introducing my wife to new people.

I just can’t understand how she can NOT see the difference in her life. Our old lives were about hanging with our circle of friends that were all married and had SO much in common with us. Birthday parties, theme park trips, the whole nine yards. It’s all GONE now.

Still, when I communicate with my wife face to face, she still has that vacant expression on her face. Stressed out, bags under her eyes and it’s like she’s looking right through me when I talk to her. One moment she is telling me I’m not welcomed in her home, then 20 minutes later, she is telling me to come next week and help her clean it.

One thing I know for sure, the arguments and her character are not as brutal as they were when this first started. She has tamed down a bit and she is spending more time at home.

Any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated…

[Ctflor]

Hi, I'm pretty much new here. I wanted to comment that I think one of the clues my husband is in MLC is because suddenly he began trying to dress a little younger for his age. He used to be a skater, (mid 90's), and I notice that he dug out a whole bunch of his old t shirts he couldn't let go of. He spends more time playing his guitar now than doing anything else. The other day he blared radiohead for hours. Yes, it was like living with a teenager all over again. But I said nothing. I do not think he himself understands what this is he is going through. I have little answers but to tell you that I can understand the confusing behavior. The hot and cold.